The Incredible Adventures Of The Fabulous Four

…starring Daisy, Sasha, Luke & Silky

 

The Doclopedia #1,349

Girls Just Wanna Have Guns: Lady Patience Stanton

Name: Patience Amanda Catherine Stanton
Age: 31
Profession: Monster Hunter

Her Guns: .45 caliber pistols, sawed off shotgun, stake firing airgun

Lady Patience has been hunting monsters since she was 16 years old, the same year the infamous Werewolf of York killed her sister and her fiance. Since then, she has dispatched vampires, demons, mummies, revivified corpses, even more lycanthropes and the odd witch. She is exceptionally good at what she does.

The ammunition that she uses varies depending upon the creature she is hunting. For werewolves, silver is always useful. For mummies, she uses a low powered round that ignites on contact with the air. For vampires, she uses small stakes blessed by the pope himself. Of course, for some monsters, the traditional lead slug works very well indeed.

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Dogs And Hogs Writing Blogs About Frogs

…often in heavy fogs

The Doclopedia #1,348

Girls Just Wanna Have Guns: Sherry DiNova

Name: Sherrylyn Alice DiNova
Age: 29
Profession: Dispenser of Justice

Her Guns: Matched pair of Sigorovich Mk X Dart Throwers

In the year 2120, Earth is ruled by megacorporations, corrupt military and police, crooked politicians and the propaganda of the media. The planet-wide ecosystem is in collapse and every year the weather kills millions of people.

In a last ditch attempt to change history, the crumbling Resistance sent Sherry DiNova into the past to eliminate those people that were responsible for the state of things in 2120. Armed with her full body armor, her pistols and a MakerBox to create ammunition, Sherry arrived in the year 1996 on New Year’s Day. She immediately began crossing names off her very long list. By January 3rd, 15 people were dead and certain scientists had information and tech that was a century ahead. Sherry had already changed the future, but there was still a long list of names to deal with.

Sherry prefers the Sigorovich Mk X Dart Throwers because they have Genius technology, superb balance and they can change ammo types with a thought. Her preferred ammo is the Pyroblast and the Dissolver, the latter releasing powerful enzymes that will dissolve an entire body in under 4 hours. As you can imagine by her favorite choices, Sherry likes to leave a mess behind. She finds that sowing terror in the corrupt and evil makes her job a whole lot more fun.

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Harry, The Armadillo Who Traveled The World

…and he had the passport to prove it

 

The Doclopedia #962

Movies Not Of This Earth: Quiet Kill (Metro Goldberg Myer, 1998)

In 1995, neophyte director Bethany Collins became disgusted with all of the gun violence in movies and decided to make a very violent action film with not a single gunshot or explosion. The result was “Quiet Kill”, a movie that got heaped with both praise and condemnation. It also made a big heap of money, moving it to the #7 slot on the top ten moneymaking films list. Oh, yeah, it also won 4 Golden Globe, 5 Academy Awards and a basket full of other awards.

The movie opens with scenes of several men and women (all portrayed by top action movie stars) lovingly cleaning their favorite guns. As the narrator tells us who each one of them is, we see them suddenly collapse into unconsciousness.

When they wake up, they are all shackled to the wall of a warehouse, where a man in a mask tells them that they are in an abandoned industrial town in a very remote location. The town is surrounded by landmines of a particularly deadly nature, so escape is only possibly by airlift. He then tells them that in 5 minutes, they and 30 criminally insane killers will be released from the shackles and the object will be to kill everyone else and be the sole survivor. The winner will get top medical aid, if needed, and 100 million dollars.

The big catch is that there are no guns in the town and the whole place is wired with microphones. If any noise reaches a certain decibel level, a small nuclear device will be triggered, destroying the town and everything around it.

The masked man is airlifted out by a blimp and then the shackles open. There are many sorts of weapons scattered around the town and soon the killings are going on full tilt. The film runs two hours long and for 105 minutes of that there is no sound louder than a person speaking at normal levels. The killings are creative, bloody and graphic, all of which got a great deal of protest from various camps. The fact that the masked man called guns “the killing tool of choice for idiots” got the NRA bitching. Still, the film got great reviews for being innovative, well acted and well shot. People flocked to see it and it made money.

This film is available on Blu-ray and DVD from Thames.com.