Mr. Porkwaffle Tries To Climb A Tree

…with very humorous results


CritterCon 10

Day Two

So last night, after watching two movies from Earth 1-D (Fall of a Jedi Knight: A Star Wars Story and Tarzan and the Jewels of Opar), most of us sat around talking until just after one in the morning. This explains why we all slept in until about 8 this morning and didn’t finish breakfast until 10.

(Silky: I crashed about 11:30. I’m getting too old for staying up late.)

(Sasha: I had to go check on some experiments and damned if I didn’t fall asleep in the lab.)

We had been north of Santa Cruz and only had to drive about three miles to the Hippie Museum, which, while not advertised as World Famous, damn well should be. Also, there is no force on Earth that could have kept Spike and Mary out of there.

(Daisy: I can’t think of a better roadside attraction for Auntie Mary & Uncle Spike. Or Silky and Daddy, for that matter.)

The entry fee to this hippie owned and operated establishment is either whatever cash you want to donate or canned food for the local food bank. Since our pantry is roughly the size of a WalMart, we donated a literal ton of food. Not only did this get us into the museum, it got us free t-shirts, free bumper stickers and hugs from the staff.

(Roxy: I thought those people were gonna poop!)

(Leon: They offered Uncle Doc & Uncle Spike some weed, too.)

The museum is chock full of photos, film, videos, writings, posters, clothing and other memorabilia of the late 60s to mid 70s. It was a real blast from the past, even for our younger members.

(Max: Man, I thought humans dressed strangely nowadays, but that’s nothing compared to the hippie attire.)

We spent over two hours there, and liked it so much we gave them another ton of food and bought a bunch more t-shirts and 9 bandanas.

(Leon: One of the ladies tried to give Uncle Doc a plate full of brownies, but he begged off citing a mass diet.)

Santa Cruz being what it is, our next stop was a mere mile away and the Human Roadside Zoo. Part theater, part fundraiser, this is another place that asks only for donations. When we got out of the bus, we saw several right wing groups protesting the place, so we knew we were going to like it, being a big old bus load of liberals. Confrontation was inevitable, I suppose.

(Daisy: Oh, Daddy, you live for shit like this.)

It seems the righties didn’t like how some of their ilk were being portrayed inside. They also didn’t like the big security guards inside, so that’s why the 15 or so of them were out on the sidewalk.

(Silky: So much for the courage of their convictions.)
(Leon: I’d say most of them had convictions for DUI.)

One dickhead in a MAGA hat and NRA t-shirt tried to stand in Grace’s way. This did not sit well with Daisy and when they guy started yelling at Grace about “UnAmerican Liberals”, Daisy told him to shut the fuck up and get out of the way. He turned toward her and poked her in the chest with his finger. He managed to get the words “Listen, little girl” out before 5’2” Daisy jumped up and kicked him square in the face, stretching him out on the pavement. Some woman, probably his wife, came at Daisy from behind and got an elbow in her plentiful stomach before getting slapped about 6 times.

(Roxy: Daisy is my hero!)

(Daisy: Do NOT mess with me or my family.)

Some young guy in neo-nazi attire looked like he might be going for a gun, so I sorta punched him in the throat. Twice. Turns out he was just going for a cell phone, probably to record the nasty old antifa hippies. My bad. I tossed his phone under the tire of a truck driving by.

(Sasha: You just know Daddy wanted to curbstomp that asshole, but the cops were coming.)

To avoid explaining things to the cops, Sasha neuralized the righties to start fighting each other. I reckon all of them got arrested.

(Sasha: Yeah, and I had every one of them assault a cop, too, for extra charges.)

The Human Zoo itself was interesting, with all of the stereotypes represented. You could see how the Trumpistas would have not liked many of them. We donated $50.00 as we were leaving. Outside, all the cops & protesters were gone.

By now it was after 1:30, so we all chowed down at a hotdog place, then wandered around downtown Santa Cruz for about an hour. Around 3:30, we got on the bus and drove about 10 miles to the Giant Jesus of The Coast.

(Luke: Dad was so excited!)

(Silky: Auntie Mary was pretty excited, too. I think Dad has got her hooked on Giant Jesuses.)

On the D. Cross Giant Jesus Rating Scale, this one rated as follows.

Size: 3 It was about 80 feet tall.

Climbability: 3, since you could only go up an outside stairway to a small deck encircling his waist.

Appearance: 8 Very lifelike looking, but with a bit of paint chipping due to the salt air.

Pose: 5 Pretty much your standard arms outspread to embrace the faithful pose

(Luke: I think Dad would faint if he found a Giant Jesus playing air guitar.)

Religiosity: 10 There was a small bible store at the base and about a dozen religious folks milling about there and up on the deck, ready to save souls.

All told, not a bad Giant Jesus, but not the best by along shot.

(Max: But he still took 35 pictures of it.)

It now being near 5 pm, we decided to take the bus to a campground down by Castroville, where we had a fine dinner prepared by Julia, then rested a bit before going to the Slide Room and trying out the new Slide Racing option. It was big fun, but after about an hour, everyone was pretty much tuckered out.

(Daisy: You’d be surprised how tied you get sliding around on your ass in the water at speeds up to 75 mph.)

So now it’s 11:00 and I’m heading to bed. More trip reportage tomorrow.


Destination Sign When We Started: Westeros
Destination Sign When We Stopped: Toad Hall

QM Radio Station: Alt. Country Meets Alt. Rock

The Rare And Beautiful And Deadly Flying Weaselcobra Of Potawango Island

…they are just crazy dangerous

The Trip to DogCon 3: Day 5, Part 2, In which we have a somewhat quieter drive, curry is eaten and my cat falls in love.

(Note: All comments by Flash are in italics)

The second, mostly downhill, half of our trip through Glacier National Park on the Going To The Sun Road was way quieter than the first half. This is because both Grace and Lucy fell into a deep sleep due to burning so much nervous energy on the first half of the trip, Sharon did a bit of self medication and Flash hid in the cupboard behind the bags of pasta & rice.

Winker and I had a fine trip, just cruising along on a narrow mountain road listening to reggae music and barking from time to time.

When we reached the St. Mary entrance on the far side of the park, we all got out to stretch our legs and, in the case of the more nervous, kiss the ground repeatedly while thanking Dog for delivering them from their near death. Well, Flash thanked Ceiling Cat, but the effect was the same.

By comparison to the earlier ride, the drive from St. Mary to Cut Bank was pretty tame, though we did see a mother moose and her calf, a few dear and a porcupine. As we drove along, Grace started heating up our dinner which we had cooked back home and froze for later trip consumption. Tonight, it was smoked pork curry. We ate dinner just after pulling in at the Lucky Beaver RV Park, located just north of Cut Bank. Mmmm, tasty tasty curry.

After dinner, we strolled around the place and met another bunch of travelers in a hippie bus (sans TARDIS unit, of course). Turned out that they were from Santa Cruz and there were 8 of them heading to Nova Scotia for some New Age/hippie get together.

At another campsite, we encountered a nice young family that had a sweet little West Highland White Terrier and a beautiful Maine Coon cat. A female. Who Flash instantly fell in love with.

Ol’ Flash was trying hard to get her to give him some sweet love, but I think the fact that she was 3 times his size and 4 times his weight kind of made her decide against it.

Oh man, was she HOT! That long hair…those eyes…that tail…daddy like! But she was all hung up on the size thing. I tried to tell her that once she tried Portuguese Jungle Cat, she’d never go back, but she had her mind made up. Too bad, baby. I could’a rocked your world.

After a nice walk, we went back to the bus and watched another alternate universe movie, “Live and Let Die”, but this one starred Sean Connery. After that, everyone but myself and Lucy went to bed, so she and I watched some Three Stooges shorts. Now Lucy is asleep and I will be hitting the California King sized sack soon.

Tomorrow: We drive across northern Montana to North Dakota, stopping at interesting places along the way.

Destination Sign: Camelot, Silly Version