Grouchy Jackdaws Teased My Meadowlark

…until he was forced to pull a gun on them


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The Doclopedia #1,352

Strange Bandanas: The Donald Duck One

I own hundreds of bandanas. Many of them have strange stories connected to them. Here is one…

It looks like a simple white bandana with pictures of Donald Duck on it, but oh my friends, it is not. When I put this bandana, which was originally found in an ancient temple of duck worship, I gain all the powers of the Duck God.

I am impervious to getting wet, I can swim and dive, I can charm most humans with my cuteness and, of course, I can fly. In addition to all of that, I can speak with ducks and, if need be, summon an army of them to fight with me.

I seldom wear this bandana, because with great power…well, you know.


The Tenderly Romantic, But Also Rather Sappy, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Sausage Factory

…co-starring her neighbor, Mister Dinwiddy

The Doclopedia #1,351

Strange Bandanas: The Blue Tiger Striped One

I own hundreds of bandanas. Many of them have strange stories connected to them. Here is one…

While the Blue Tiger Striped bandana has no strange powers, I did get it by a rather strange turn of events. I was in Macon, Georgia, in 1982, on business that we need not elaborate upon, when a young lady came running toward me screaming that the two rather tough looking men behind her were trying to kill her. As they got closer, I saw that they had an inhuman look to them, so I grabbed her hand and we ran away as fast as we could.

The two big goons were gaining on us when I pulled her into an alley. Telling her to hide behind a dumpster, I whipped off the bandana I had been wearing and put on another that allowed me to affect gravity in a small area. As the goons turned into the alley and advanced upon me, I switched gravity off under them.

I let them rise about 150 feet, then tripled gravity in the same spot. They hit the ground hard. I could hear bones breaking. They were still and unmoving, so I had the young woman come out of hiding. When I asked her what the hell those two were, she told me they were Orcs, hired to track her down and kill her by her cousin, who desired the throne of her kingdom. She explained that her world was in another reality and she had used a spell to get to our world. It seemed the Orcs had managed to get through the portal just before it closed.

She said the portal would reopen in a few hours, so I offered to buy her lunch. She was very charming company and was thrilled to eat her first hambuger. During lunch, she told me that her cousin would try to kill her again and that she could do little against her cousin, who was protected from all forms of magic and guarded by deadly Orc mercenaries. I asked her if the Orcs were very fast and how close could she get to her cousin. She said the Orcs were not really fast and she could get to within 30 feet of her cousin. I told her I might be able to help her.

For the next four hours, I showed her how to use a .357 magnum pistol that I just happened to have for personal protection. She was a quick learner and a good shot. When she left, she kissed me and gave me the bandana, which to this day smells like her.

It was many years later that my family and I took the Bus to her world (Earth 499-C) and heard the tale of how Princess Savimila claimed her throne and dispatched her evil cousin and four Orcs with a “Thunder Wand”. I never did find out if she ever used the extra 24 rounds I gave her.

Chapter 883: In Which Our Hero, Heartbroken And Drunk, Still Manages To Con Three Frenchmen Out Of 1,000 Francs.

…of course, the Frenchies were drunk, too.


The Doclopedia #1,350

Strange Bandanas: The Hawaiian Print One

I own hundreds of bandanas. Many of them have strange stories connected to them. Here is one…

Oddly enough, I got this lovely tropical print bandana in Hawaii, on Maui. It was sold to me by a roadside vendor who told me it would bring me good luck if I was near the sea. Boy, was she right! Two days later, on the beach near Hilo (on the Big Island), I found a 100 dollar bill! Since then, I have worn the bandana many times when I was near the sea.

Near San Diego, I stopped my car to look at some passing whales just before a 35 car pile up that I would have been in the middle of.

While at the beach in San Francisco, I found a guitar buried in the sand. Turned out to have belonged to Jerry Garcia, who lost it 20 years earlier. He rewarded me nicely.

At the beach in Oregon, I narrowly missed being struck by lightning!

And at a remote beach in Japan, I saw just the top of Godzilla’s head and his eyes break the surface. He looked around and then submerged. I left and took the first flight home.

The Incredible Adventures Of The Fabulous Four

…starring Daisy, Sasha, Luke & Silky


The Doclopedia #1,349

Girls Just Wanna Have Guns: Lady Patience Stanton

Name: Patience Amanda Catherine Stanton
Age: 31
Profession: Monster Hunter

Her Guns: .45 caliber pistols, sawed off shotgun, stake firing airgun

Lady Patience has been hunting monsters since she was 16 years old, the same year the infamous Werewolf of York killed her sister and her fiance. Since then, she has dispatched vampires, demons, mummies, revivified corpses, even more lycanthropes and the odd witch. She is exceptionally good at what she does.

The ammunition that she uses varies depending upon the creature she is hunting. For werewolves, silver is always useful. For mummies, she uses a low powered round that ignites on contact with the air. For vampires, she uses small stakes blessed by the pope himself. Of course, for some monsters, the traditional lead slug works very well indeed.

Dogs And Hogs Writing Blogs About Frogs

…often in heavy fogs

The Doclopedia #1,348

Girls Just Wanna Have Guns: Sherry DiNova

Name: Sherrylyn Alice DiNova
Age: 29
Profession: Dispenser of Justice

Her Guns: Matched pair of Sigorovich Mk X Dart Throwers

In the year 2120, Earth is ruled by megacorporations, corrupt military and police, crooked politicians and the propaganda of the media. The planet-wide ecosystem is in collapse and every year the weather kills millions of people.

In a last ditch attempt to change history, the crumbling Resistance sent Sherry DiNova into the past to eliminate those people that were responsible for the state of things in 2120. Armed with her full body armor, her pistols and a MakerBox to create ammunition, Sherry arrived in the year 1996 on New Year’s Day. She immediately began crossing names off her very long list. By January 3rd, 15 people were dead and certain scientists had information and tech that was a century ahead. Sherry had already changed the future, but there was still a long list of names to deal with.

Sherry prefers the Sigorovich Mk X Dart Throwers because they have Genius technology, superb balance and they can change ammo types with a thought. Her preferred ammo is the Pyroblast and the Dissolver, the latter releasing powerful enzymes that will dissolve an entire body in under 4 hours. As you can imagine by her favorite choices, Sherry likes to leave a mess behind. She finds that sowing terror in the corrupt and evil makes her job a whole lot more fun.

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The Absolutely Crazy, Yet Still Totally Believable, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Strawberry Jam Incident

…co-starring her best old pal, Wendy Wheatgrass


Hot Damn, it’s more Doclopedia entries!

The Doclopedia #1,350

Fun Magic Spells: The Wall of Marshmallow Spell

This spell creates a wall up to 30 feet wide, 10 feet tall and 3 feet thick. As stated, the wall is made up of marshmallow. The outside is dry to the touch, but the interior is very sticky. Getting stuck to it will slow any creature to ¼ of their normal movement rate. If set on fire, the wall will burn and melt in under 3 minutes and will smell delicious.

The Doclopedia #1,351

Fun Magic Spells: The Spiked Water Spell

Casting this spell can cause up to 5 gallons of water to have the same effects as 80 proof alcohol when imbibed. The effects last for varying lengths of time on different individuals, races or species. The water tastes just like ordinary water and does not leave a hangover.


Carol Robinson, Mark A Schmidt, Loyd Blankenship and Derek Pearcy have all gotten to read & enjoy Patreon Backer Only content!

If YOU would like to read that same content, and more in the future, back this blog for as little as ONE DOLLAR a month. Or more, if you feel generous.

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The Dancing Elks Present: Holiday Happenings On Ice

…how the hell do they dance on ice with those hooves?

A very quick post, just so y’all know I’m not dead.

The Doclopedia #1,348

Fun Magic Spells: The Following Fart Cloud


Cast this second level spell on someone and their next fart comes out as a noxious green cloud that follows right behind them at a distance of 2 feet. The spell lasts for 5 minutes.


The Doclopedia #1,349

Fun Magic Spells: The Merry Wanderers Spell

Cast this on any group of 2 to 6 humanoids and they will transform into a polka band and play a happy song before wandering off in a random direction for the next 30 minutes.