Mysterious Spicy Tales Of Science Fiction Detective Horror

…they tried to cover all the bases

The Doclopedia #1,333

It’s A Trap!: In The Jungle

Okay, let’s assess the situation, shall we? That rat bastard Von Danigan told us the Temple of the Red Ape was in that last valley. He sold us a map and supplies and got us bearers. We trekked for 5 days through the hills and jungles and swamp until we got to where the map indicated, only to find not the Temple, but a damned large village of the Leopard People, who just happen to be fanatical killers of, well, everybody.

Having discovered that, we ran for our lives, barely keeping ahead of them. Sadly, it appears they have been herding us here to this clifftop where we have no place left to go except 250 feet down into that crocodile infested river. Does that about sum it up?

Yes, Miller, I can see that they’re getting closer. Yes, I’ve heard that they practice cannibalism. I’d rather not find out for sure. No, I think perhaps that you, Pickingham, M’Kenga and myself should just leap off the cliff.

Well of course we’ll probably die, Pickingham, but better to die in the fal and get eaten by crocs than let these bastards get us. Besides, that river is very deep and slow moving and we might just survive. Not sure if we should try to land on a croc or not. Probably not a good idea, but it would take a few out.

Anyway, gents, the Leopard People are within spear range, so on three! One…two…threeeeeee!”

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Luis Gato And His All Cat Mariachi Band

…they were pretty good for, you know, being cats

CatCon 8

Day 6: In which we travel through a jungle in North Dakota, then pretty much kill a joke in Fargo

A quick introduction for today’s stop on our trip: The World Famous Amazon Jungle Of The North.

The short story on this one is that Eric Gunderson, son of a very wealthy railroad baron, inherited lots of money in 1924 and went on a world tour of the great wilderness areas. Apparently, old Eric fell in love with the Amazon rain forests and decided to replicate them back home in North Dakota.

(Sasha: North Dakota used to smell like farms. Now it smells like natural gas wells.)

By 1928, he had built four connected buildings totaling 300,000 square feet and containing a real rain forest full of Brazilian plants & animals. It now covers 4.75 million square feet and is the home to 115 species of mammals, 160 species of reptiles & amphibians, 139 species of fish, 3,238 species of insects & invertebrates and 4,401 species of plants.

(Silky: Wow! This place totally smells of LIFE!)

(Leon: Yeah, and some of it is life that will eat you!)

My friends, this place is TOTALLY COOL! A river runs through the jungle, which now includes some hilly areas. You float along on rafts with guides as birds fly overhead, monkeys watch you from the trees and all sorts of fish (and large caimans) swim next to you.

(Leon: See my above statement.)

We all really enjoyed ourselves and took lots of pictures. It was thrilling and at one point, I had to stop Sasha from leaping off the raft to go swinging through the trees.

(Sasha: “I’m an ape dog, I’m an ape ape dog, yes I’m an ape dog! I’m a King Kong dog, I’m a voodoo dog, yes I’m an ape dog!”)

(Sasha: With apologies to the Kinks.)

We learned that species are breeding so well in this indoor jungle that the excess is being sold to zoos & sanctuaries or actually being returned to the ever shrinking Amazon. Pretty cool.

After the tour, we ate at the attached restaurant and then bought about a million bucks worth of touristy stuff.

(Daisy: Including cool jungle print dog & cat collars!)

Before we left the Great Northern Prairie, Sasha and I played a little joke on the city of Fargo. We’d been planning it for months. Using a bit of time manipulation, we went in at 3:00 in the morning and placed 500 large wood chippers, all painted in neon colors, around the town. We thought it was hilarious. The rest of our traveling companions were less amused.

Oh, relax, Fargo. They’ll all disappear in about 24 hours.

Right now, the bus is parked at the Pearl Cross West Texas Nature Preserve, named for Great Aunt Pearl who left this life back in March at the age of 110. The RV park here is a nice little 30 acre place. Aunt Pearl would have liked it.

(Sasha: I’ll miss Aunt Pearl and her biscuits & gravy.)

(Daisy: And chicken fried steak!)

Tonight, we dine on Texas barbecue and then get our shit together for the con. More blogstuff tomorrow!

Destination Sign when we started: Opar

Destination Sign when we ended: Riverdale

Radio Station of the Day: YRKO, Dolvarion Blues Station, circa 2468