The Return Of Pete The Wonder Monkey

…he’s back and ready to party in your ear.

CritterCon 12

Trip Day Four: In Which We Enter Oklahoma, Then Texas, Only To Find Both States Full Of Kaiju

I would like to apologize for the brevity of this post, but it has been a very long day. 19 hours long, to be exact. Here’s the short and sweet of it.

We woke up, ate breakfast as we left Dodge City, then everyone except Grace & Sasha suited up in “Giant Mecha Control Suits” so we could go out and fight the hordes of Kaiju that apparently found the Sooner State and the Lone Star State very attractive for destruction.

We fought old favorite and brand new kaiju for 90 minutes before we stopped at “The World Famous Musical House”. Said house was built of reinforced concrete and has holes through it that allegedly make musical sounds when a tornado tears through the area. Since there was tornado, we listened to a recording that was a mix of horn sounds and howling wind. Mostly, it was wind.

Another 2 hours of beating the shit out of kaiju, and getting our asses kicked once, found us deep in Oklahoma at Muller’s Ice Cream Parlor “Home of the Giant Banana Split Challenge”. They set you out this humongous banana split with two gallons of ice cream on it and if one person eats it in an hour, your entire ticket is paid and you get a t-shirt and your picture on the wall. As they set it down in front of my, Cupcake told the server “You are going to see some shit go down now.”

I finished the whole thing in 32 minutes. It was very good.

Back on the bus for 2 hours of napping. When we woke up, we were in Texas and Grace had decided we needed to stop in the center of some little pissant town where a preacher stood on a small stage under a sign saying “There is but one God. Debate me if you think otherwise.” So, Sasha, in her regular dog body, did just that.

The poor old religion pusher and most of the town were struck dumb by a talking dog and when Sasha started up the holograms of her creating life like the ottopuses and the flying monkey and Joyce the giant spider, many of then started to quiver and quake and moan. When she showed herself building the cyborg body for Lucy and later creating Mr. Perkins out of dead body parts, several people screamed. By the time she summoned her own Ottopus arms, her Iron Dog armor and began talking about “Not some puny God, but a glorious world ruling DOG!”, I’m pretty sure the ones who didn’t run shit themselves. It was hella impressive.

A small lunch on the bus and we went back to fighting kaiju, this time 10 versions of Gojira himself. That was brutal, let me tell you.

Then, around 3:30 pm, we got knocked sideways in spacetime by a power surge to one of out Quantum Destabilizers.

Insert here 8 hours of us shifting from Earths 50 to 80 quanta out, most of which seemed to be shitholes run by either Republicans or the Confederacy or the Communists. We did lots of running and fighting. Sasha did a lot of cursing while trying to fix things.

We arrived back here at 3:38 pm two miles down the road from where we blinked out. Everyone was pretty frazzled, but for 3 more hours we stayed alert for any further quantum slippage.

We are now in JimBob’s RV Park and I am the last one to go to bed. Sasha gave everyone some Rejuvenol mixed with Breath of Morpheus and you have never heard such snoring. I’m about to drink mine and fall into bed. Jeeves has said he will have a hearty breakfast ready in the morning.

Good night. More con reportage tomorrow.

Destination Sign When We Started: Innsmouth

Destination Sign When We Stopped: Jokertown

QM Radio Station: News Of The Multiverse