Dog Rice Is Darned Nice

…dogs will eat it more than twice.

The Doclopedia #14

Knives That Do More Than Cut: The Blade That Controls

Just under the deadline, here is the final knife!

Type of knife: Double Edged Dagger
Magic level: Very High
Intelligence: Genius

The last blade that we’ll look at is, in fact, the last enchanted knife that the Wendayles ever made. The entire process to make it took a year and a half and the cost was astronomical, but the person who ordered it paid for everything and included a very substantial profit.

Unlike the many other magical creations of the Wendayles, for which copious notes were kept and reprinted over the intervening years, very little is known of this knife. All notes on the creation of it were destroyed by Aloris Wendayle.

What we do know comes from a short letter written by an apprentice mage. In it, he tells his sister about the knife, saying the following tantalizing tidbits.

It is beautiful, all silver with gold inlay in the handle. The blade is 9 inches long and wicked sharp.

Such a dagger has been mentioned in several texts as being used in unspeakable rituals in many of the Known Lands.

I think it may be indestructible.

After the destruction of the foul Temple of Desh, in the summer of 1190, the dagger was to be destroyed, but resisted all attempts. It later vanished from safekeeping.

Another apprentice told me that Aloris has bound an entity to the blade, but not just a demon or a soul, but one of the Unspoken Ones. This in terribly dangerous, but it’s what the buyer wants.

If an Unspoken One was bound to the knife, only the most powerful of minds could control it. Anyone not up to the task would soon be under the daggers control.

And finally…

The buyer came today and took the knife. As soon as he left, Aloris transported the entire staff of the manor house and all of us apprentices, to the city of Salburgh along with a large amount of gold. I do not know what became of the Wendayles, but I shall miss them.

Vague rumors put the Wendayle in the Hawan Empire shortly after this. Nothing more is known of their fate.

It must also be noted that on about the same date as the letter, a rash of horrible murders took place in Blue Bay city. Most of the bodies were killed in ways that suggest some sort of ritual.

This author believes that the Unspoken One inside the dagger wants out and is trying to find the human sacrifice ritual that will do it. It seems likely that the knife can control the minds of many cultists and uses them to do its bidding. Proceed with caution, relic hunters.

Spider & The California Kid Go To Washington

…Washington state, that is. On business, late at night.

The Doclopedia #13

Our penultimate knife could put Bags of Holding out of business.

Knives That Do More Than Cut: The Blade That Steals

Type of knife: Folding Pocket Knife
Magic level: High
Intelligence: High

One night, many decades ago, a thief crept through the window of a fourth story apartment with the express intent of stealing as much valuable merchandise as he could carry. You can imagine his surprise when the lights suddenly ignited and he found himself face to face with a very angry sorcerer. In a heartbeat, the thief was pinned against the wall by a spell. The sorcerer then began telling him how he would deal with a miscreant with the temerity to invade his home. Mostly, this was going to involve transferring the thief’s soul into a nearby statue, where it would remain, helpless for five thousand years.

The spell casting began, and was nearly completed, when the thief’s young apprentice leaped through the window and tackled the sorcerer just as he was getting ready to touch the statue and transfer the soul.

Falling backwards in a tangle, the two men crashed into a workbench and the sorcerer’s hand touched a common pocket knife. Instantly, the entire body of the thief vanished and the knife glowed white hot. Screaming and badly burned, the sorcerer flung it away. His momentary distraction was all the apprentice thief needed and he broke the man’s neck.

As he caught his breath, the young man heard his master calling to him. He looked around, unable to see him anywhere, until he realized that the voice was coming from an old pocket knife. Picking it up, he found himself being verbally berated in the harshest manner. It would seem that his master, now trapped body & soul inside the knife, was upset that he had killed the only person who might undo the spell. A very good reason to be angry, I’m sure you will agree.

When they heard the frantic knocking of the sorcerer’s servants on the door, both man and knife agreed it was time to get out…after looting the body and grabbing a few small items. In less than two minutes, they were out the window and gone.

Within the next few days they discovered several things about the older thief’s predicament.

1: He could transfer items from the real world into his world (a small cubical pocket universe about 250 feet on a side) and out again if the blade were touched to the item to be taken in or the spot to receive an item.

2: It works on living things, too.

3: There are size and weight restrictions, so nothing larger than a 5X5X5 cube or weighing more than about 400 pounds may be taken in.

4: Magical objects cannot be transferred in, but the knife can identify such items easily from up to 10 feet away.

5: The thief can do a total of 20 transfers a day.

Resolved to his fate and seeing the many profitable possibilities it offered, the thief and his apprentice decided to make the best of it. Within a year, they were very wealthy and living in high style. The trapped thief had workmen brought in to his little universe and had them build a 50′ by 50 ‘ four story home in the center. He then had them build a large storage building and assorted sheds. Next came gardens, poultry, a couple of goats and a dog and cat. The house if furnished in an expensive, yet totally comfortable style. Live in servants were hired to care for things. Eventually, the thief fell in love with a woman who came in to help him decorate for a party. They married and had children. Life was good.

Fifty years later, the thief was in his late 80’s and his apprentice, now High Lord of a massive Thieves Guild, was past 60. The older thief was a widower and his children were grown up and gone. One day, while sitting in his garden, he died quietly.

And was reborn in minutes as a young man of 20, healthy and strong. He also saw that there was, once again, nothing but himself and some grassy land with a spring in one corner near the barrier hedge. Obviously, he was getting a new start, so he had his apprentice give the knife to a young up and coming thief, then send that thief off to a far away city to start a new Guild.

And so it goes today, the one thief calling the shots, the other carrying them out and both living like kings.

This knife has a truename, but now that the original apprentice is dead, only the thief in the knife knows it. The knife itself is unremarkable looking, with a battered ironwood handle housing the five inch blade. If sold, it might fetch fifty cents.

Tomorrow: The Blade That Controls
Next Theme: Pulp Era Dogs & Cats

Despite Appearences, There Is No Subject Line Available Today

…we expect a fresh shipment tomorrow

The Doclopedia #12

Knives That Do More Than Cut: The Blade That Weakens

This knife wants a piece of you.

Type of knife: Fancy Dress Dagger
Magic level: High
Intelligence: Low

The High Wizard Bendrado Carvenza is one of the most beloved and respected men in all of Trevendi. Counselor to kings and merchant princes, staunch defender of the country, noted philanthropist…he is all these things and more. Why then, would any man not allow him the indulgence of those rare and potentially dangerous potions that have extended his life to his present age of 260 years old?

Except, of course, that he does not use potions to extend his life. Such potions are expensive, unreliable and, as often as not, deadly. No, Bendrado has found a much better method of cheating death: he steals life from those who would squander it. The young idle rich of Trevendi are his prey and the dagger is his weapon.

Bendrado first created the dagger (truename: Ploito) 180 years ago, when old age was upon him. It took the better part of 6 months and nearly all of his wealth, but when he was done, he had a unique magical item. Then, using several layers of middlemen, he guided it into the hands of one of most exclusive jewelers in the city. In less than a day, it was sold to a young duke.

The young man wore the dagger often, since he was a fixture at the neverending series of balls and masquerades that the wealthy loved so much. But over the next few years, the man grew weaker and more prone to sickness. Rich food, plentiful drink and late hours seemed to be taking their toll upon his health. He consulted many doctors (at great expense) and all of them told him he needed rest and quiet. Eventually, low on funds and very weak, the young duke took their advice and moved to a small home way out in one of the provinces. To afford this, he sold many possessions, including the dagger.

And so it goes. The dagger passes from owner to owner, weakening some just a little and others nearly to death. Every decade or so, Bendrado manages to handle Ploito, usually by praising it’s beauty to the fop wearing it at the time. During these brief moments, the dagger transfers the stored life energy to him. In this way, the wizard maintains an apparent age of about 60 and the vigor of a man of 30.

Ploito is 14 inches long with a beautifully etched blade and a one piece guard & handle made of gold that has been set with rubies, emeralds and diamonds. The scabbard is gold and silver and is also elaborately decorated with gems.

The Rare And Beautiful Butterfly Winged Skunk Of Potawango Island

…their spray smells like fresh baked peach pie

The Doclopedia #11

Our blade today is very protective.

Knives That Do More Than Cut: The Blade That Protects

Type of knife: Large Bowie Type
Magic level: Medium
Intelligence: Average

Another creation of Aloris and Haric Wendayle, this large knife (truename: Bilaindro) was designed to protect the wielder from a variety of dangers. If it is just in it’s scabbard on a person’s belt, it will give good protection from the elements. If being used in any sort of combat, it also protects against against attacks by any bladed weapon.

Depending upon the profession of the user, the knife can give other protections. For warriors, it protects against blunt weapons, too. A mage would get protection from spells that do direct physical damage, while a cleric would be protected from attacks by the undead. It is believed that a thief would get protection from sneak attacks.

Even non-adventuring professions can get specific protections. Joom Jilar, a baker in Hendhar City, was protected against burns. An unknown potionmaker in Akarris was immune to poisoning.

Unlike many enchanted objects, the knife does not demand anything for granting these protections. It does, however, enjoy being taken out for nights on the town, especially if consorting with prostitutes is part of the plan. Bilaindro is undeniably male

Physically, the knife is 16 inches long, with 11 inches being the heavy steel blade. The handle is carved from a piece of Stone Giant bone and the guard is made of the rare White Metal found only in certain remote areas far to the north. There are no engravings of any sort on the knife.

Fried Gruntfish

…Yum Yum

The Doclopedia #10

This is a beastly knife.

Knives That Do More Than Cut: The Blade That Transforms

Type of knife: Primitive stone knife
Magic level: High
Intelligence: Low
Almost nothing is known about this knife other than it is several millenia old and may have come from the Dendulaa Plains area of Tulargishtan, where primitive folk live to this day. It does not, however, resemble any knife used by any tribe now living in that area.

Made of the rare yellowglass stones found only near Mount Dendrogaa, the knife measures 10 inches long. Six inches of that is the razor sharp blade. The remainder is the rawhide wrapped handle. If this blade has a truename, it has yet to be revealed.

According to legend, this knife allows the user to change form into a predatory beast. The type of beast is left up to the user, but once chosen, the beast form stays the same. While some may consider this a useful ability, it should be remembered that the tales tell us that the user eventually goes insane due to recurring nightmares that involve some ancient Beast God. In the end, they always change into their beast form and go on a terrible rampage. This always leads to an angry populace hunting them down and killing them.

Radar Chickens From Outer Space

…but the G-Men will stop them

Note: This post did not make it up on Thursday due to my late schedule and a wanky internet connection. Expect the Friday entry to go up later today.

The Doclopedia #9

Knives That Do More Than Cut: The Blade That Curses


This knife is cooking up trouble.


Type of knife: 12 inch chef’s knife
Magic level: High
Intelligence: High

To the casual observer, this knife looks very much like any chef’s knife you might find anywhere. Only two things give it away: it has a stain on the handle that looks like a tiny handprint and the blade never needs to be sharpened.

If someone recognizes the knife, or if they seem worthy in the knife’s opinion, it will reveal itself to them. The truename of this blade is unknown and it simply calls itself “Knife”. Going by things it has mentioned to those who have used it, we know the knife is around 400 years old and most likely came from the great city of D’Lin, which is located on the great Eastern Continent.

Once the blade has “gotten to know you”, it will ask who you wish to curse and how you wish to curse them. Note that the blade will only curse humanoids and dragons. Within that restriction, the choice of curses it can place upon the victim is nearly limitless.

The knife tells the person using it to prepare a sumptuous meal for the intended victim. This may require a good deal of advance planning. Cooking skill is not needed, since the knife knows what to do and instructs the user. As the meal cooks, both the knife and the user recite a complex chant in an unknown language. When the meal is done and eaten by the victim, the curse takes immediate effect.

A few hours after the curse goes into effect, the user of the knife gets the sudden urge to cut themselves with it, usually across the palm of the hand. They then drop a few teaspoons of blood on the knife blade. The next thing they know, they are waking up hours later, their hand is healed fully and the knife is gone

One Fish, Two Fish, Girl Fish Blew Fish

…if Dr. Seuss rises from the dead and carries me to Hell, you’ll know why.

The Doclopedia #8

Knives That Do More Than Cut: The Blade That Heals


Our first knife does the opposite of what most knives do.

Type of knife: Single edged dagger
Magic level: Medium
Intelligence: Low

Of the seven knives we shall take a look at, three were designed by the team of Aloris Wendayle, the famous sorceress of the late Draconic Age and her husband Haric Wendayle, perhaps the most notable weaponsmith of the last 5 centuries.

The Blade That Heals (truename: Cisserni) is a single edged dagger of obvious superior quality. The blade is quite sharp, a full 8 inches long and very lightly etched with a series of runes. Nobody now living can decipher them, although some scholars believe them to be High Elvish.

The handle and guard are one piece and were cast from some rare blue tinged metal that is always warm to the touch, regardless of the temperature of the air or the blade. The handle has no adornments, but it does seem to fit very comfortably in the hand of all who hold it.

This knife is enchanted with a healing spell that can, given enough time, heal a person or creature back from even the brink of death. This is done by cutting the flesh around the injury, or in the case of internal injuries, by cutting the flesh over the injured area. To counteract the effects of poison, the palms of the hands or soles of the feet must be cut.

All of these cuts draw no blood and cause no pain. The wounds heal within a minute or two and the same areas can be cut up to three times per hour.

The one bad aspect of The Blade That Heals is that is may only be used once per week on any given person. Still, a bit of healing is better than none.

Regarding truenames as they apply to weapons: Calling a weapon by it’s truename bonds it to the wielder for a full year. It can never be lost, will always function at highest effectiveness and can communicate telepathically with wielder, although this may be a very simple conversation in the case of low intelligence weapons like Cisserni. After a year has passed, the wielder can again say the name and seal the bond, but if they are late by even a day, they may find out they have lost the weapon, which will seek out a new user.