In This Episode: Uncle Lou Catches “Old Fin”, Earl Gets Fired And Louella Buys A Hat

… Old Fin is a catfish

 

The Doclopedia #1,467

The Alphabet: S is For…Sinkholes Of Mars


In the Earth 3-B universe, the planet Mars is 25% larger than our Mars and has copious liquid water under the surface. In some areas, this water has built up pressure and eaten away at the soil above it. Everything looks fine until enough weight is placed upon the topsoil, then it collapses into a sinkhole.

Before humans learned how to identify these areas, mankind lost 5 rovers, two supply landers and a mega-robot meant to build the first dome. Since 2017, sinkhole locating satellites have identified 397 potential sinkholes. Space Fleet has a program to blast most of them open, allowing them to be visible and for water to be pumped out. So far, they have opened 87 of them.

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The Doclopedia #1,468

The Alphabet: S is For…Serious Sally

On Earth 562-E, there is a masked vigilante that strikes terror into the hearts of criminals. Her name is Serious Sally.

Wearing a black & gold Spandex suit that covers her from head to toe, the 5’5” Sally goes out at night armed with a high tech quarterstaff, a bunch of electrified shurikens and a really serious attitude about crime. By dawn, she has beaten the crap out of several criminals and prevented several burglaries, robberies and assaults. Rapists bodies are never found.

Sally does not seem to have any actual super powers, but she is a master of several martial art styles and has many electronic gadgets that aid her. Some of her victims claim she has one or more assistants, and the police believe this, but there is no solid proof to back it up.

Serious Sally is also very good at getting information about supposed “untouchable” criminal kingpins, corrupt city officials and dirty cops. She releases the information to news outlets and the internet. She has brought down some very big players.

How Serious is Sally? Well, when Joe “Kneecaps” Vitaliano, the biggest crime boss in town, put a $2,000,000.00 price tag on her head, he was found three days later hanging upside down naked from the street light at 1st & Main. He had been beaten to a pulp, had his underwear stuffed in his mouth and his prized kneecapping baseball bat shoved up his ass. A sign hanging from his neck said: “I was beaten up by a girl half my size”. Nobody has yet tried to collect the two million, assuming Joe “Wheelchair” Vitaliano is still up for paying it.

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The Ill Thought Out And Rather Poorly Designed Cantaloupe Cannon

…mistakes were made and alcohol was involved

The Doclopedia #1,431

The Alphabet: A is For… Avenger Ape

Avenger Ape started out as a comic book character on Earth 700-B. A gorilla imbued with super strength, the ability to fly and fire breath, he fought against evil masterminds, mad scientists, aliens and humans who survived the Great Extinction somehow. The comic book was never a huge hit, but did well enough to stay in publication for 6 years. It was at that point that an Avenger Ape movie came out and breathed new life into the franchise

“Avenger Ape Begins” was a surprise hit and the top box office draw of the year. The novelization sold well and a sequel movie was greenlit. The comic got a shot in the arm with better stories and better art. From there, more movies, an animated tv series and spinoff comics appeared. Later, there were original novels and a computer game.



The Doclopedia #1,432

The Alphabet: A is For… Ambrose 1

When MarsCorp formed in 1985, their mission statement was to explore and colonize the red planet. Most people laughed at this, but they stopped laughing when, in 1991, the Ambrose 1 explorer landed on Mars.

Ambrose 1 was made up of three parts: a base unit that would stay in one place and relay information up to the orbiting Betty satellite, a small rover designed to test soil samples, and the camera/atmospheric lab attached to a balloon that would free float around Mars and send picture, video and other info up to Betty.

Ambrose 1 was supposed to have a useful life of one year, but actually functioned for 5 years, long after the larger Ambrose 2 & 3 had landed on Mars. You can find all three parts of Ambrose 1 at the Martian History Museum in Bradbury Dome.

Never Hide A Duck In Your Pants

…nobody will end up happy about it

The FINAL entry for this version of The Alphabet. Christ, that took way too long.

The Doclopedia #1,369

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “Z”

Z is for: Zenobia N’Golo


Zenobia is an artist who specializes in depicting the neo-rural lifestyle of Gardener Dome. Although she primarily paints using acrylics, she has been known to sculpt in a variety of media. Her work can be seen all over the Dome and around Mars.

She and her husband, Mick, live in a large cottage on Hayride Street, which they share with their two children, their cat, T’Challa, and their dog, Bruce. They often host dinner parties with food prepared by Mick, since Zenobia is an admitted danger in the kitchen.

Zenobia was born in the East Central Sector of United Africa, but her family moved to Mars when she was 5. She is 5′ 7” tall and often wears bright green overalls.

Module 1-Y: The Haunted Dungeon Of The Fart Demons

…EWWWWW, demon farts!

 

The second to last entry for Gardener Dome…FINALLY!

The Doclopedia #1,368

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “Y”

Y is for: Yolanda Winkleton

Yolanda is the Tourist Service Answer Woman in Gardener Dome. The dome gets several thousand tourists a year and Yolanda is ready to answer their questions and help them out.

When she is not at work, she lives on a small aquaculture farm with her husband, Benny, and her two daughters, Justine & Millie. They raise gourmet algae. In her spare time, Yolanda collects old 45 rpm records.

Yolanda is a Martian woman. She stands 6′ 11” tall and has long black hair and gray eyes.

Unhappy Curlews Annoyed My Otters

…they should cheer the hell up

The Doclopedia #1,370

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “X”

X is for: Xakry

70 years ago, when scientists started developing Smart Animals and New Humans and other genetic creations, they accidentally created a few Mutants. Yes, just like in the comics. Humans with strange powers.

Xakry is one of those Mutants. Despite being 70 years old, he looks about 12. He dresses like any kid you might meet on Mars, but his teeth are too wide and his eyes are a swirl of colors and he sometimes flies and he can create very realistic illusions.

By interplanetary law, Xakry can go wherever he wants except for Class 3 and above Restricted Areas. He has plenty of money from a government grant, but he never spends much. He always seems to be seeing things nobody else can.

Xakry has lived in Gardener Dome for 9 years. He can often be found helping folks out with various chores.

The Really Rather Silly, But Also Strangely Erotic, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Panda Of Love

…co-starring her wacky pal, Emma Goosemeyer

 

I am SO sorry for not keeping this blog updated as often as I should. Life has been throwing me curves for quite a while and this has impacted damn near everything I do. I’ll try to be more regular on here.

BIG SHOUTOUT TO MY NEWEST PATREON BACKERS, MARIAN WALDMAN AND DAVID MEDINNUS! Y’all are great!

 

The Doclopedia #1,369

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “W”

W is for: Winikon Jaskerath


Wini is one of the few New Breed Humans on Mars. Created partly in a laboratory and partly in a human womb, Wini looks for all the world like an elf from Lord of the Rings. He stands 6 feet tall, is slender, you muscular and is probably the prettiest man you’ll ever meet. And yes, he has pointy ears.

As a certified Animal Translator, Wini, travels from farm to farm chatting with the livestock to make sure everything if okay and see if they have any complaints. The animals love him and so do the farmers.

In his spare time, Wini grows a variety of flowers and enjoys vegetarian cooking. He is unmarried, but does have a cat named Rodney and a dog named Periwinkle.

 

Rocky Road High School

…was that a Ramones song?

The Doclopedia #1,370

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “U”

U is for: Uma Pool

Uma and her sister, Deb have a 9 story tower farm in the south area. They raise a wide variety of melons and squash, mostly for the seeds, which they sell to various other farmers planetwide. The non-seed part of what they raise is sold to hog and cattle farmers as feed.

Besides farming, the Pool sisters are widely known as musicians. With Deb on guitar and Uma on banjo, they play mostly bluegrass music. You can find them at festivals all over the Barsoom Quadrant of Mars.

Uma stands 5′ 11” tall and has short red hair. Her body is covered in tattoos of birds.

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The Doclopedia #1,368

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “V”

V is for: Venus

No, not the planet Venus, the cat Venus. She lives in the Bookzilla book store downtown. She is often found asleep either on the front counter or in the window on a big pile of Modern Martian Farmer magazines from 2107.


Venus likes humans and Smart animals, but is a bit standoffish with artificial lifeforms. He favorite snack is PetBest sardine snacks. She prefers light classical music and will yowl and meow if she hears Neo-Disco.

Venus is a 5 year old Martian Green Tabby. She weighs 25 pounds and has yellow eyes.

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