Hey, Creature! Leave Those Squids Alone!

…we don’t need no snot control!

 

The Doclopedia #1,038

Moms: Georgia Goatly

On ToonEarth 3, Georgia Goatly is married to Gus Goatly and the mother of three children, Gina, Greg & Gilbert. They live in a nice house on the outskirts on Konkville, where the whole family has many funny adventures.

As is common for cartoon families, Gus is the none too bright father and the kids are rambunctious little scamps who get into all sorts of trouble. Georgia is the hard working, no nonsense mom that usually pulls everybody’s fat out of the fire (or out from under the falling piano, as the case may be).

In her spare time, Georgia likes to read, drink a little wine and smack Gus in the face with a frying pan.

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The Doclopedia #1,039

Moms: The InterMom

On Earth 10, the powers that be upgrade the entire internet/world wide web every ten years. On the whole, these upgrades are greeted with cheers from computer users (which, on Earth 10, is like, everybody) and improves the whole internet experience.

This was not the case with upgrade 6 AKA The InterMom.

The whole idea was to not only make websurfing safer for kids, but to make the interface more friendly and “warm” for everyone. At first it seemed like they had hit the mark, but them the motherly interface became too motherly. A few examples are given below.

Why kids hate it: “No, sweetie, you can’t go there, that’s for people over 18. No, you can’t go there, either. NO! That site is just too naughty!

Why teenagers hate it: “In my day, we did not dress like that!” “Young man, you will NOT be sending that text!” “Why, that video doesn’t make any sense at all.

Why adults hate it: “You know, you might want to get some work done instead of watching cat videos.” “Do you really have enough extra money to buy that?” “Oh My God! That’s is perverted!

Why advertisers hate it: “Let’s just hide all these annoying ads for a bit, alright? You know, your cousin Ralphie makes very good money as a plumber and people LIKE his work.

Why everybody hates it: “Oh, that’s ok, just go ahead and ignore me. I’ll be fine. No, no, you go ahead and do your own thing. I’ll just sit here, alone.

The InterMom has been in effect since 2010. @020 cannot arrive soon enough for most people.

How To Teach Your Macaws To Dance

…like Fred & Ginger

 

The Doclopedia #1,036

Moms: The Mother Of All Dragons

On Fantasy Earth 9, all dragons have the same mother and she is one big tough mama. Measuring 300 feet long from nose to tail tip, the Mother of All Dragons lives high up in the Razor Mountains, which thrust up over a mile and a half above the surrounding Skolab Desert. She is tended by several dozen lesser females who measure around 150 feet long. She seldom leaves her lair.

Once every 5 years, hundreds of male dragons arrive to battle one another for the right to mate. These battles are often to the death and in the end, no more that a dozen or so actually get to mate with the Mother. Only 1 or 2 survive that process without being eaten by her, seeing as how adult male dragons are never more than 70 feet long. The survivors go off to live out a long life, never mating again.

Now, you might be thinking that there is terrible inbreeding among dragons, but that is not true, You see, once a dragon is born, their DNA begins to alter their chromosomes so that by the time they are adults, they are not very closely related to the Mother of All Dragons.

Each Mother Dragon lives about 300 years, then dies quite quickly. The lesser females feast on her corpse and grow larger. Once the Mother has been eaten up, the females fight and the winner grows to become the new Mother of All Dragons.

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The Doclopedia #1,037

Moms: Mrs. Mogubontu

Mrs. Omobe Mogubontu was a Class 2 Mutant. Her power was a passive one: everyone who spent much time with her grew to love her and accept her advice. Eventually, this resulted in the United Africa that we know today.

Even without her powers, Mrs. M was an extremely likeable woman. Married at age 13 to her 15 year old sweetheart, she was a mother at 15 and the leader of her village by age 17. She was pretty, smart, hard working and a good friend. At age 20, she was elected to the Senate of her home country, Longuto.

After only a few weeks in the capital city, Omobe had managed to charm most of the politicians, including the corrupt President Victor Abatonde. Many laws were passed that helped women and children and the poor. Free elections were announced and across the country, the word was that Mrs. M would be the next president.

The powerful military, however, had other ideas. Not based in the capital, the generals were unaffected by her powers and shortly after her election, they marched on the capital to stage a coupe. It was a very successful coupe for about a day, at which point the guards who surrounded Mrs. M followed her advice to take her before the generals. Outraged by this, the generals ranted and threatened her with death. In a firm Mom voice, Mrs. M told them to sit down and be quiet, which they did. An hour later, the generals told the army to lay down it’s weapons. From that day on Longuto was a peaceful and prosperous country.

As President, Omobe met with many African leaders and, during her second term, hosted a meeting of the African National Congress. History tells us how that turned out, because five years later, after much touring and speaking to millions of people, United Africa became a reality and one of the most powerful forces on the planet.

Mrs. Mogubontu retired from active politics at age 40, but continued to travel the world giving speeches that, if you think about them, sound pretty much like the good advice mothers have always given. The world is a better place because of it.

Not In This Issue: Fashion, Red Beans, Juicers Or Fantail Pigeons

…actually, we might sneak in a small pigeon

 

The Doclopedia #1,035

Moms: Mrs. Lutenbacher

On Earth 16, Science! rules and robotics got an early start. By the mid-1970’s, robots were everywhere in daily life and by 1986, they were very nearly sentient. People were ok with that.

In 1995, the first sentient robots, the S-1 series, came online and it was quickly discovered that most people were not ok with that. It seems that humans were not quite ready to associate with machines that could have feelings. Not willing to lose money, the big robotics manufacturers stopped making the S-1 models and went back to making the non-sentients.

Not wanting to raise the ire of Robotics Rights groups, the 3,050 S-1 robots were pretty much cut loose to fend for themselves. Most went off in small groups to form settlements out in the wilderness. Some went out into space to work on the Moon and Mars, where people were a whole lot more liberal thinking towards non-humans.

A fair number of the S-1 models were just plain undecided about where to go and what to do, which is where Mrs. Emily Lutenbacher comes in.

Mom” Lutenbacher was a former grade school teacher who figured that these new sentients needed a place to live and some time to think and a bit of guidance. Since she and her husband Roy were not really doing much with their 500 acre ranch in western Arizona, she put out the word that robots with nowhere else to go could come and stay for awhile.

In less than a month, she had 60 robots living on the ranch. By the end of the first year, the population was up to 250 and they had built a beautiful little town and farm. They began receiving national news coverage. People came to see the town and hear Mrs. Lutenbacher lecture on how the robots and humans could get along. More robots came, including those who had been hidden in the wild.

By 2015, Roboville had a population of 1,900 and supported several businesses, including a science based amusement park. That was also the year that “Mom” won the Nobel Peace Prize at the age of 83. Ten years later and just months before her death, Mrs. Lutenbacher got to hold the first baby robot, a brand new S-2 girl named Emily.