Is Your Steamer Duck Getting Enough Mental Stimulation?

…if not, try giving them crossword puzzles

365 DAYS, 365 POSTS #14


Movies I REALLY Want To See

Doctor Strange: Everything I’ve seen and heard about this movie tells me it is going to rock. I know they probably won’t go as visually trippy as Steve Ditko did in the early years of the comic, but even halfway will be cool enough. Cumberbatch looks good and despite them keeping a tight lid on it, you just know Mads Mikkelson is going to play Dormmamu.

The Next American Godzilla Movie: I really liked the first one and I’m ready to see him fight and/or team up with Rodan or Mothra.

Pacific Rim 2: Especially if they can fit Godzilla into it, but if they can’t I’ll still be there to watch the Jaegers kick kaiju ass.

The Next James Bond Movie: I don’t care if they cast Mel Brooks as Bond (which would be hilarious), I’ll go see it. I’ve seen every one of them since Dr. No and I’m not gonna stop any time soon. By the way, I think Idris Elba would make a great James Bond.

Wonder Woman: Because it’s about fucking time. The trailer looks good and I like that a woman is directing it.

Harry, The Armadillo Who Traveled The World

…and he had the passport to prove it


The Doclopedia #962

Movies Not Of This Earth: Quiet Kill (Metro Goldberg Myer, 1998)

In 1995, neophyte director Bethany Collins became disgusted with all of the gun violence in movies and decided to make a very violent action film with not a single gunshot or explosion. The result was “Quiet Kill”, a movie that got heaped with both praise and condemnation. It also made a big heap of money, moving it to the #7 slot on the top ten moneymaking films list. Oh, yeah, it also won 4 Golden Globe, 5 Academy Awards and a basket full of other awards.

The movie opens with scenes of several men and women (all portrayed by top action movie stars) lovingly cleaning their favorite guns. As the narrator tells us who each one of them is, we see them suddenly collapse into unconsciousness.

When they wake up, they are all shackled to the wall of a warehouse, where a man in a mask tells them that they are in an abandoned industrial town in a very remote location. The town is surrounded by landmines of a particularly deadly nature, so escape is only possibly by airlift. He then tells them that in 5 minutes, they and 30 criminally insane killers will be released from the shackles and the object will be to kill everyone else and be the sole survivor. The winner will get top medical aid, if needed, and 100 million dollars.

The big catch is that there are no guns in the town and the whole place is wired with microphones. If any noise reaches a certain decibel level, a small nuclear device will be triggered, destroying the town and everything around it.

The masked man is airlifted out by a blimp and then the shackles open. There are many sorts of weapons scattered around the town and soon the killings are going on full tilt. The film runs two hours long and for 105 minutes of that there is no sound louder than a person speaking at normal levels. The killings are creative, bloody and graphic, all of which got a great deal of protest from various camps. The fact that the masked man called guns “the killing tool of choice for idiots” got the NRA bitching. Still, the film got great reviews for being innovative, well acted and well shot. People flocked to see it and it made money.

This film is available on Blu-ray and DVD from

The Secret Files Of Sherlock Holmes

… if you thought “Thr Giant Rat of Sumatra” was weird, wait’ll ya read these

Yes, I have some website related plans for things Holmesian.

So far, today is off to a really slow start for me. Grace is out mystery shopping her butt off, The Girls are having their Pre-Park Walk Nap and I’m still waking up. Part of my lethargy I attribute to a pretty sore facial sunburn that I got in the UVB booth yesterday after forgetting to bring in a towel to coner my face during the 7+ minutes I was baking. Stupid me. Still, I should be ok by this evening. Sunburns don’t trouble me for very long.

We watched “Watchmen” again Thursday night and I still think they did a good job adapting it. Pity that the “League of Extraordinary Gentlemen” movie couldn’t have been done by the same director.

And now, I’m off to shower and then stroll with my bitches.

Walking Through The Bacon Tree Forest

…where you get hungry every 15 minutes

Geek Media Update

1: The latest “Twilight” movie is out. Millions of pre-teen and teen girls experience orgasm.

2: The new version of “V” is losing viewers with each episode. That would be because is sucks.

3: The new version of “The Prisoner” is getting mixed reviews from various of my geek friends. Not being able to see it myself, I’ll wait for it to come to Netflix.

4: “Fringe” is still one of the best new shows on TV. Hopefully, this will continue to be so for many years.

5: “Heroes”, from the few scenes I’ve watched this year, is still in a screaming death dive.

6: “Planet 51” looks like it will be pretty funny. I might have to rob a bank so I can go see it.

Are Two Women Aged 20 The Equal Of One Woman Aged 40?

…I think not, but I’d really have to try all three:)

Ugh! Slept for shit last night due to going to bed at 1 AM and then being awakened 4 times throughout the night. Winker woke me twice, Grace woke me once and that middle aged need to get up and take a leak got me once. It’s gonna be a long day.

In the nearly inevitable other news, I’ve decided to re-read books I’ve only read once or haven’t read in at least 25-30 years. First up is The Hobbit, followed by The Lord Of The Rings. I’ve only read them once, back in late September 1976, while I was waiting to get out of the Navy. Thanks to some creative thinking and decisive action, I managed to have 10 days with nothing to do before I got out on October 4, so among other things, I read those books. It will be interesting to read them again at a more leisurely pace (I read them in 4 days flat the first time) and with movie images now firmly burned into my brain.

In final news, I still have not watched Doctor Horrible’s Sing Along Blog yet. Will do that tonight.

It’s All Fun & Games Until Vegetable Oil Goes Sticky

…don’t ask

Last night, I took My Sweet Little Chocolate Frog Of Love to see Harry Potter And The Half Blood Prince. We both enjoyed it, despite the fact that they had to compress and cut parts of the original story in order to avoid a 5 hour movie. They did capture most of the feel of the book and the alternating between ominous and funny worked pretty well. Not my favorite of the movies, but still quite worth seeing.

We saw several trailers before the movie. The best of all was the one for the new Sherlock Holmes, starring Robert Downey Jr as the Great Detective. Looks very interesting and action packed. I told Grace that it should be titled Sherlock Homes, Consulting Asskicker due to the fight scenes.

There was also a trailer for 2012, the new end of the world flick from the same guy who directed The Day After Tomorrow. It lost me when it began, talking about the Mayans as the “world’s first great civilization”. Yeah, cos the Chinese, the Romans, the Greeks, the Egyptians and about 100 others just didn’t do anything great. Also, I’m pretty much done with end of the world movies, especially those based on mystic shit.

Now, Uncle Doc must be hitting the road for several mystery shopping adventures. More blogging later.

Neon Vampire Princess Miko

…more fake anime

Grace and I went to see UP tonight. A very fun flick, full of adventure, laughs and a bit of sadness. Yet another jewel in Pixar’s crown. Note: We did not see it in 3D, cos 2D was cheaper and the 3D version was at another theatre.

We both agreed that if anyone ever invents a dog collar that can make canine thought into speech, we don’t want our girls to have them. Why? Cos after a couple of days of “I’m hungry. Can I have Food For Dogs now?” and “Pleeeeaaaase rub my tummy!” and “I’ve gotta pee!” and “Mommmmmm! Sister is in my chaaiiiirrrr!”, we would go nuts. Now, if the dog got smarter as time went on, that might not be bad. For ordinary dogs? Nope. And not for cats, either.

Old Newts

…like in a newt’s paper

My review of “Star Trek

Ok, first thing you need to know is that I am one of the original Star Trek fans (that is fan with a small f, you’ll note. I lack the obssessive nature to be a Fan of anything except sex). I was right there in front of our bigass black & white television the night Star Trek premiered in 1966. I was 12 years old, a sci-fi reader, a year into the chaos that is puberty, an imaginative kid (and that is putting it mildly) and a devourer of anything even remotely like a sci-fi tv show. I watched “Lost In Space” (altho it often annoyed me that they didn’t just shoot Dr. Smith), “Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea” (even when it turned into a corny “monster of the week” fest), “Time Tunnel”, “Land Of The Giants” (all series created by Irwin Allen) and “The Outer Limits” every week, sometimes only by virtue of winning a Steel Cage Deathmatch with my sister over who got to watch what. If Doctor Who had been on American tv at that time, I’d have become an instant Whovian.

So yeah, I was there at the very start of “Star Trek” and I loved it. I couldn’t get enough of the bold captain, the grumpy doctor, the Scottish engineer, the hot black chick, the Japanese helmsman…and that totally cool guy with the pointy ears.

So, tonight, Grace and I went to see the new reboot movie that is getting good reviews from critics and geeks alike (with the ever present exception of fans who think that it took their childhood, made it wear funny clothes, suck off the neighbors pitbull and then take an ungreased fist up the ass).


The plot? It was so thin it made Kleenex look like Kevlar.

The science? Cringeworthy, but still kind of a relief from all of the later series technobabble

The characters and how they meet/interact/develop? Gold, just fucking gold! I had a big ol’ geeky grin on my face most of the time.

The actors? They nailed it, plain and simple. McCoy and Spock were spot on, Kirk was all the beef of Shatner with the ham trimmed off and I actually liked the new Uhura, Scotty, Sulu and Chekov better than the originals. Made of fuckin’ WIN, I tell ya!

The changes to Trek canon? Bold, for sure, but probably a good idea.

So I give this movie 4 thumbs up and can hardly wait for the next one. With Klingons, please.

Spicy Bongo Stories

…for spicy bongos, one assumes

Weekend Recap

1: Monsters VS Aliens was big fun. Lots of nuggets for fans of sci fi and the 3D FX were very well done.

2: In N Out Burger was, as always, great. Man, I’m so glad I don’t have to drive to L.A. for my Double Double Monster fix.

3: Winker is clean and huggable now. Well, she was huggable before, but now you can hug her and not get all dog stinky.

4: Susanne, the Worlds Greatest Neighbor, gave us a ziploc bag full of barbecued ribs! They will be dinner tonight.

5: I waged war with the weeds in my garden. The weedy infidels died in droves, but my holy task is far from done.

6: Grace did much stuff on the computer. Some of it involved cursing. I declined to inquire.

7: I bought and started more seeds for the garden. Corn seedlings in da house, y’all!

8: It was discovered that Winker likes whole wheat bagels.

9: The spaghetti sauce was, as always, darned good…and plentiful. I shall be freezing several quarts of it for later consumption.

10: Went to IHOP for dinner last night (cos we were getting a 50% discount) and let me tell you, the new “Big” country fried steak & eggs is no exaggeration. I was stuffed by the time I was done.

More bloggage later.

The Great Beer Battle And How It Brought Cousin Ollie To Religion

…fortunately for Ollie, he got better about 10 years later

Jeez, ya get sick and a little crazy in the head for a couple of weeks and your LJ content goes to shit. I’ll be trying to do better Real Soon Now, folks.

In other news, My Sweet Little Red Factor Canary Of Love and I will be going to see “Monsters VS Aliens” this weekend…after I go into work at 8 fucking AM on Saturday to take a TSA mandated test along with half of my co-workers.

On Sunday, it’s gaming and more gaming for me. Mostly, for both groups it’ll be character creation time, but still heaps o’ fun.

Now, I’m off to read some webcomics and then hit the hay. More (and hopefully better) bloggage tomorrow.

Who Watches The Watchers Watching The Watchmen?

…now my brain hurts

My Sweet Little Pallid Bat Of Love (Grace) and I went to see “Watchmen” today. Here are the short reviews of it from someone who has read the graphic novel 3-4 times (Me) and someone who did not know it even existed (Grace).

Me: Very well done adaptation of the graphic novel. Any changes or deletions were for the best. Solid acting and great SFX. Lots of violence and sex, including one pretty hot sex scene towards the end. Great soundtrack. You won’t regret seeing this movie.

Grace: Very good movie. Had no difficulty following the story, despite not knowing the source material. Too much graphic violence. Sex scenes well done. SFX well done. Great soundtrack. Go see it.

Chapter 813: In Which Our Hero, Freshly Tattooed And Pierced, Goes Undercover In The Dukes Dungeon

…and virtue triumphs over perversion, mostly

Quick Stuff

Got some writing done today, after 195 chores were done.

They had another “Lady Heather” episode on CSI last night. Damn, that woman is hot.

This Sunday will mark 12 years since Grace and I drove up to Reno and said “I Do”. Poverty shall be temporarily forgotten as we go out to dinner for the first time in, oh, a couple of centuries.

Shortly, we shall be watching “Fuck The Church”…err, I mean, “The Golden Compass”. We’ve never seen it, but I know the general gist of the books.

And now, dinnertime.

Putting Mayonaise On A Cow Is Just Plain Wrong

…even if the cow enjoyed it

Last night, My sweet angel and I watched The Incredible Hulk, which we did not see in the theater. Verdict? Better in every way than the Ang Lee effort…with one exception: we both preferred the look of the Hulk in Lee’s version. Other than that, this version was fine comic book movie fare.

And now, it’s time for the next Brewerton Village Poll

Chapter 432: In Which Our Hero Wrestles The Devil, Greases A Pig And Rescues Young Lucy From Ninjas

…all while avoiding the evil duke’s men

Great Gobs O’ Stuff

Happy Birthday to robin_d_laws, who is, I assure you, as fine a fellow as you’ll ever meet and one of the best game designers in the history of the art form.

The Second Village Poll is closed and megdeon and boundfate missed Last Call. I shall personally fill in the blanks on their characters later. The next Village Poll will go up very soon and be open to all.

Grace and I went to see City of Ember yesterday. We both really enjoyed it. Plenty of action, an interesting setting, likeable characters and a giant mutant star nosed mole. What more could you want?

My small winter veggie garden is doing well, altho the spinach has yet to poke it’s head above the soil. The peas, carrots, radishes and lettuce are all above ground (well, most of each radish and carrot is underground) and growing like crazy.

Sunday was game day and the PC’s did the following…

Rescued the Breeder Slaves from their cruel captivity

Had a fast paced and scary escape down the underground Forbidden River

Helped the former slaves establish a small community

Followed their dream given directions to a small village that not only got bigger as the days passed, but got more racially and economically diverse, too.

Found out that the village was populated by tulpa like entities, who needed the PC’s to stay among them for a week in order for the villagers and the village to become corporeal and “real”.

Left the village with many fine gifts (including a cool expandable chuck wagon/camper pulled by two mini triceratops) and the villagers undying respect and love.

Proceeded to make a beeline to a rumored ruined fort, where, they were sure they would find fortune and glory.

Found the ruins, but instead of fortune and glory, triggered a bit of magical critical mass and caused the mage of the group to give birth to the first elementals…in one case, literally.

Hauled ass out of the elemental homeland and into the hills.

We will play again in two weeks, at which point I expect the PC’s will once again find themselves neck deep in adventure.

More stuff, with a 30% chance of nonsense, later

Sparky The Tubeworm

…way down under the sea


Blindness: Well done and well acted, but rather predictable. Not a bad movie, but not one I would pay money to see.

The VP Debate: Despite the spinning of the Republican talking heads, it was Biden for the win. Palin was a spokesperson/pimp who dodged really answering most questions in favor of repeating the same old shit.

The Garden: Spinach…carrots…radishes…lettuce…mesclun mix…peas! All in the soil, most sprouting in a week or so. And all in just about 3 square feet, with 3 more square feet to be planted in a few days.

Television: Fringe has not yet lost me, but it’s barely hanging on. Heroes is picking up steam. Supernatural is starting to bore me. Bones continues to be fun and I’d happily hop in the sack with any or all of the three female leads.

The Search For Employment: Continues…and yes, I’ve applied at pretty much every sort of place y’all have suggested.

And now, I’m outta here. More blogathonics later.

The Magic Forest Of The Cupcake Elves

…mostly, it’s chocolate

The Dark Knight

Grace and I went to see the latest Batman flick today. Pretty darned good, in my opinion. Heath Ledger was great as The Joker, even if this Joker didn’t really have the white skin, red lips and green hair one gets from a toxic acid bath. Was his performance worthy of an Oscar, as some have said? Well…maybe. At least it should get a nomination.

The rest of the cast were also very good, too. The whole movie had a much different vibe from the usual superhero flick, which is a good thing. I do kinda wish they had left Two-Face out of it, or at least revealed him at the very end, but it wasn’t a deal breaker. And, amazingly, they did not kill off The Joker, which bucks a trend in Batman movies. Of course, I don’t see him coming back anytime soon, but still, I’m glad he’s still out there.

All in all, a damned good flick that y’all should go see.

Oh, and one other note: Due to a couple of Batman VS attack dog scenes, PETA (bless their nutty little hearts) is pissed off at this movie. Well, PETA, I’ll tell ya…I love dogs and I’ve been known to resort to physical violence when I see animals abused…but that said, if a pack of Rottweilers attacks me, I’ll do my level best to kick their canine asses and if that includes tasering them or tossing them off a building or even shooting to kill, so be it. Of course, I would feel very badly about it afterwords, but hey, me or them, ya know?

Speaking of dogs, and by dogs I mean cute lil’ puppies, Animal Planet is following up the success of Puppy Bowl with the Olympics challenging Puppy Games this coming Friday. Fuck the Chinese government and NBC, I’m gonna watch me some puppy action!

On The Other Hand, It Was Preferable To Getting Killed

…plus, we’d seen the flaw in his plan

Grace and I just got back from seeing Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. We both liked it and agreed that is was at least as good as Temple of Doom.

Heard from Round Table Pizza about the job. Apparently, the local manager is waiting on the proper paperwork to get me hired, including the paperwork that goes along with a drug test. She said she’d call me between Friday and Monday to let me know what’s what.

I’m considering a month long daily project for this LJ, most likely to take place in September. The big question is: Can I come up with enough ways to End Civilization As We Know It…in 300 words or less? I must think upon this.

Watched the trailer for Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince online this morning. It looks very good.

Must go now to pay bills and buy food. More blogstuff later.

How To Repair Your Transdimensional Gateway Generator For $5,000,000.00 Or Less

…3rd Edition

Grace and I went to see Hellboy II: The Golden Army today. We both liked it a whole bunch and thought it was even better than the first one. My only criticism: that fucking Barry Manilow song is stuck in my head!

BTW: I think that, once he finishes The Hobbit, Guillermo Del Toro should really do some sort of steampunk & sorcery movie. He has the right eye for it.

In the inevitable Other News this roast is smelling way to damned good.

It’s All Fun And Games Until Somebody Eats Some Bad Cheese

…and then things just go all to hell

Saturday With Doc

Well, despite no advertising other than signs saying “PLANT SALE” on various streets signs in the neighborhood, I did manage to make $12.00 in sales. Not a huge amount, but enough to go to the movies this afternoon.

What I mostly did yesterday, while awaiting plant purchasers, was a whole bunch of gardening chores. And since I was outside from 7:00 AM to 2:00 PM, I was good and tired by the time I closed up shop and came inside. Even now, after about 9 hours sleep, I have many achey joints and muscles. However, my tan is coming along quite nicely.

Sunday With Doc

In just a few minutes, my brother will get here and, armed with chainsaws & pole saws & other implements of destruction, we will cut down and then cut up the gradually rotting to death limb dropping trea in the backyard.

After the tree removal is done, Grace and I will be going to the movies, most likely to see Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. We were gonna go see Indy 4, but decided to see it next week.

As far as what we’ll do after the movies, I expect we’ll just cast our fates to the wind. Or maybe go shop for food.

Quincy, The Happy Little Shoggoth

…he has such good manners

Well, Grace and I are back from the Whole Earth Festival and it was fun and interesting and alternative and green and stuff. There were crafts booths, food booths, political/social activism booths and, best of all, lots of tie dyed clothing booths. There was live music aplenty and lots of old hippies, new hippies, hippie posers and non hippies. Also, there were many dogs, altho we didn’t see any Basset Hounds. Unfortunately, I have no pics to show y’all because I left the camera here at home. Maybe next year.

Just in case y’all aren’t doing anything cool tonight, or if you like cheesy dinosaur flicks or you’re a masochist, Sci-Fi Channel is premiering another of their fine “Made For Sci-Fi Channel Movies”, Aztec Rex. Yep, Aztecs, conquistadors and a bigass T. Rex. What more could you ask for?

Time to either thrash about in the garden or go food shopping. What to do, what to do?

Desperately Seeking Sauron

…not starring Madonna

More Stuff

1: I have tiny little squashes on all of my squash vines!

2: I have my first teeny little tomatoes!

3: Just saw the newest trailer for “The Dark Knight”. My inner fanboy wet himself.

4: Although I know it is a financial impossibility this year, I REALLY want to take a long driving trip with Grace and The Girls. Next year for sure!

5: I’m giving thought to running a one off game for my #1 gaming group. This game would be different in that I’d let my various gaming buddies from around the world call in(or IM or email) during the game to do Guest Spots as NPC’s…suggest plot twists…offer helpful advice…etc.

6: I had a dream last night that I was flying a WWII bombing raid with Alton Brown as my co-pilot and George Clooney as my radio operator. Believe it or not, it was my first ever WWII dream.

And now, I’m outta here.

Not Responsible For Random Genital Failure

…so try not to have random genitals

Just got back from seeing Iron Man. As all the reviews have said, Robert Downey Jr. absolutely nails the role of Tony Stark. Best movie portrayal of a superhero ever. The ever delightful and blue jeans tightening Gwyneth Paltrow is excellent as Pepper Potts. The story, overall, was damned good as origins stories go. The action scenes may not have been as flashy as in some recent superhero flicks, but they were not as overpowering, either. And the scene that comes after the credits? Yeah, it’s an “Oh, yes!” moment.

Go see this movie.

In the inevitable “other news”, I have not yet assaulted the garden today. However, seeing as I found 8 bags of saved flower seeds from last year, I reckon the assault will begin soon after I post this.

Petfinders shows a female Basset Hound up for adoption at the Sacramento City shelter. It’s probably good that Grace and I cannot afford the adoption fee:) Still, she looks like a very sweet doggie.

I’ve recently been thinking up an RPG series that ends with the Earth being unable to support human life. The main thrust of the series would find the characters searching for ways to save at least some of humanity by either getting them off planet, getting them out of our time, getting them to another dimension or making them unhuman enough to survive. I envision this series playing out over a couple of dozen sessions, which would equal about 6 years of game time.

Damn, I make a really tasty Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich. Alton Brown would be proud of me:)

And now, I go forth to make the world in general, and my garden in particular, a greener and more beautiful place. “Sally, hand me that atomic compost spreader!”