The Rare And Beautiful And Highly Carnivorous Giant Pink Gophers Of Potawango Island

…they’re like huge pink underground sharks!

 

The Doclopedia #610

Classified Ads From Around The Multiverse: Wanted

Power Armor: I am a girl looking for Diana class power armor. I do not care if it is made by the Ryoshi Company or Mitsuhara Industries. There are aliens and robots to fight, so help me out! Contact Mishu at: warriorgirl/neotokyo.com

Sword Of Robot Dinosaur Slaying: I really need one of these ASAP. Can pay up to $5,000.00 and if it does added damage versus a Red Rex, I’ll toss in two horses and a virgin. Send message via Pixie Express to: Waltar Cybereye in New Billings, Montana Sector.

Acme Rocket Skates: In good working order, size 12 EE. Could also use an Acme High Volume Glue Gun. Contact: W. Coyote, second cave on the left, Southwest Desert, USA.

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 The Doclopedia #611

 Classified Ads From Around The Multiverse: Announcements

Be it known that I, The Atomic Clown, will start terrorizing Los Angeles on or about July 6th, 1997 at around 11 am. When you see me and my gang, run and hide, kiddies, or risk getting a face full of Clown Gas.

Cap’n MacDougal, aka Black Mac, is a scurvy goat buggering son of a trollop and his crew is a bilge load of sissyboys who couldn’t take a merchant ship if it were run aground and guarded only by French cheesemakers. So says I, Cap’n James Slaughter aka The Shark.

Looking for information leading to the arrest of the clever criminals who stole my robot. They are undoubtedly skilled pros, since there was no evidence that they were even in my lab when my loyal robot, Isaac, went missing. Big reward upon their arrest! Professor Ellison, 1290 Lucas Road.

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The Sasha Jane Adventures

… which mostly involve walking and trying to eat stuff she shouldn’t.

The Doclopedia #607

Classified Ads From Around The Multiverse: Personal

Single Male: Superhero 39 y.o., 6’6”, 235 lbs, in great physical shape and financially independent. Want to meet woman 30-40 y.o. who loves adventure, justice and tight body armor. Cat lovers need not apply, but bat lovers are preferred. Email dknight@batnet.org

Are You An Explorer?: Scientist, age 53, seeks stouthearted fellows who want to explore those parts of the world not fully mapped out as of yet. Travel on my newly finished Sea/Land Shipmobile, which is fully stocked for all manner of scientific research as well as being a comfortable living space. Fully crewed, I need only a scientific team to start exploring. There is also an opening for a reporter, who will have full access to the latest in wireless communication. Apply at: 2109 Wickingham Road between the hours of 8 am and 6 pm.

Interested In Gleebing: I am a hurk of the third zuzzing who has developed an interest in gleebing. I seek an older (fourth or fifth zuzzing) yook who knows how it is done and can insure safety. I own some gleebing equipment, including a relrek and a blurn. If you are interested, contact me at 206-572-111-995-008

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The Doclopedia #608

Classified Ads From Around The Multiverse: Vehicles

1903 Breschotti Racer: Came in 5th in the 19 04 San Francisco to Miami Great Race. In excellent shape with new tires, new upholstery and a new automated coal dust injector. 80 miles per hour top speed on paved road. Asking $2,500.00 or will trade for two seated light airship. For more information, call: ARGyle-465

Short Range Shuttlecraft: Excellent shape, but has seating for only 3. Extra seating space was converted to cargo space, but can easily be refitted. AI has the rare “Zetan Female” personality unit. Asking 245,000 UC, but would also trade straight across for a type IV fighting mecha in good shape. Contact me at XIW/808-21219944

Riding Cats: I have several young riding cats in sized suitable for rats, squirrels and Folk of that size. Most are very gentle, and so good for children and the ladies, but a few are spirited toms that would be great for you fellas that like a challenge. Assorted colors. Prices negotiable. Contact Squire Owensby at Owensby Hall.

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The Doclopedia #609

Classified Ads From Around The Multiverse: Homes For Sale

Fixer Upper Castle: Have you dreamed of owning your own castle? Well, this large (24 rooms, two towers) fixer upper (some slight troll & griffon damage) has a great view of Lake Peril and the Ripclaw Mountains. Includes several hundred acres of the Haunted Woods. Seller is motivated, so get in on this now! Stop by Arklemar Realty in Five Roads village.

Cave: Logak have cave him not use. Him move to bigger cave with Goola. Logak sell cave for 2 stone knife down, 4 rabbit skin per month for 3 years. You come see Logak.

Home On An Island: Nice 4 bedroom, 2 ½ bath home on 25 acre island in Lake Kansas. Large established garden plots & livestock areas. Barn, outbuildings and House Elf residence included. Only 5 miles from Baum City and your nearest neighbor is Wizard Happy Slappy. Asking 50,000 credits. Vmail us at: willowislandfarm.kis.400

The 8 Things That You Should Do Before Attacking That Fully Operational Death Star

…Ask Admiral Ackbar what he thinks of the idea.

Oh man, that is so geeky.

 

The Doclopedia #605

Classified Ads From Around The Multiverse: Help Wanted

People with swords. Looking to hire 5-6 good swordsmen/women for an easy week of work in the Hellfire Mountains area rescuing a princess. Good pay and free medical benefits. All equipment provided. Experience in fighting dragons and giants a plus. Orphans preferred. Contact: Prince Studly at the castle.

Medical Guinea Pigs: Would you like to get payed for helping to advance medical science and perhaps conquer death itself? If so, join us in the exciting field of brain transplantation! Guinea Pigs must be healthy young humans of either sex and have at least 4 days free for the experiment. Aftercare given, if needed, in out spacious dungeon. Meals provided and full pay given at end of experiment. Contact: victorf@madsci.com

Human Walkers: We are a fast growing Human Walking & Sitting service that needs responsible human loving dogs & cats to serve our customers. Must be physically able to handle up to 6 humans of various sizes & breeds and be able to walk 4-5 miles per day. Pay starts at $7.00 an hour, but raises and bonuses are regular for great walkers & sitters. Apply in person at Best Buddies Human Hotel.

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The Doclopedia #606

Classified Ads From Around The Multiverse: For Sale

Computer: Two year old 1932 Babbage-Edison Mk III Calcutron. Runs great and comes with three cases of paper tape, a telephone connector and a Frigidare cooling unit. Entire setup measures only 30′ X 10′ X 10′. $5,000.00 or will trade for a TeslaPod 2. Call Westbrook-396 and ask for Vern.

Old Shoes: I have several old sets of shoes from the late 1740’s and early 1750’s. Most are in very good shape with all three shoes in a set, although a few only have the right and center shoe. Have both male & female styles. Collectors, you want to check these out! Call Nerb Queed at 009-323-777, after 27:30.

Movie Posters: We have over 300 movie posters that need to go. These range from the 1930’s (The Marx Brothers in “Blazing Saddles”) to 2000 (Clint Eastwood in “Dirty Harry vs Terminator”). All are in Very Good to Mint shape. Prices vary. Email: posterguy@moviestuff.film