A Raccoon Named Boone Went To The Moon Last June To Sing A Looney Tune

…who knew he could croon?

The Scottish Pixie Event

(Note: This is not actually that strange an occurrence at our house. Additionally, for those not in the know, Daisy, Sasha, Silky, Luke & Misty are dogs. Max is a mutant rabbit and Daisy’s boyfriend.)

So I’m at the laundromat when I get this text…

Daisy: 30 Scottish pixies have infested Mom’s closet! No time for details. Please come home to help us.

Me: Your text did not go through. Please try again next week.

Daisy: Stop messing around, Daddy! Mom will be home from Winco in 20 minutes!

Me: We are sorry, but Mr. Cross cannot answer you, consumed by laughter as he is.

Daisy: THEY BITE AND THEY CRAP ON US!

Me: We are sorry, but Mr. Cross has just expired due to laughing so hard.

Daisy: You are such a dick!

(Note: At this point, I was laughing so hard that a lady at the laundromat asked me if I was okay.)

 

A somewhat later text from Sasha…

Holy crap, don’t come home, Daddy! Silky and I stepped in the front door and there was shit all over the house and Daisy & Max & the whole nerd posse were all bit up and crying and a bunch of Scottish pixies in a cage called me a fucking cunt and Mom was right in the middle of things about to hit critical mass.

Suggest you come have a cold one with Silky and I at the pool hall until this blows over.

(Note: Cue another fit of laughter. People start moving to the far end of the laundromat.)

 

A slightly later text from Luke…

Misty and I were about to come home for the weekend when we got a text from Silky. We will spend tonight in Denver instead. We’ll come home once Mom has cooled off.

(Note: Luke and Misty have a highly developed sense of danger.)

 

The final text, from Grace, my wife…

When you get home, you’ll find Daisy and her crew frozen in carbonite in the front yard. DO NOT RELEASE THEM BEFORE DINNER TONIGHT! The Bots are cleaning the house and I am going to dispose of Stupified pixies, then take a nap. I do not want to discuss this day ever!

(Note: Not discussing it lasted only until she woke up from her nap and said to me: “Do you know what your youngest dog did today?”)

 

 

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One Pill Makes You Larger And One Pill Makes You Talk To Small Animals

…Happy birthday, Grace Slick!

 

 

The Doclopedia #1,084

My Dogs: Sasha Jane Cross

Sasha is an almost 4 year old Basset Hound who lives with her human mom & dad and her Basset sister in the Sacramento, California area. She is reddish orange and white in color.

Little is known of Sasha’s first two years beyond the fact that she was born in Modesto, California. Rumors that she had to leave Modesto as part of the Witness Protection Program are unconfirmed, as is the rumor that she worked for the CIA. We do know that before she turned two, Sasha learned to speak fluent Feline, Bovine and Porcine. Currently, she has also learned to speak Caprine, Avian and is learning Cetacean.

Her personality is rather mercurial, ranging from utterly nerdy to bossy and rowdy. She is not given to violence, except where squirrels are concerned. She is highly intelligent. Her favorite roleplaying game is Dungeons & Dogs.

In early 2012, after the death of her sister, Winker, Sasha found her stash of catalogs for Alien & Future technology products. With the help of the family quantum mechanic, Sasha soon had a vast knowledge of ultra-tech. This knowledge served her well when, in late August of 2013, she built a cyborg body to hold the “katra” (Vulcan for spirit or lifeforce) of her recently deceased sister, Lucy. The project was a success.

In her spare time, Sasha enjoys eating Foooooodddd Foooooorrrr Doooooggggssss!, watching Star Trek episodes (original series and Next Generation), recalibrating Chameleon Circuits, participating in Extreme Basset Wrestling, dating hunky yellow Labradors and sliding in the Slide Room on the Magic Bus.

The Doclopedia #1,085

My Dogs: Daisy Mae Cross

Daisy is a slightly more than two year old Basset Hound who lives with her human mom & dad and her Basset sister in the Sacramento, California area. She is mostly red and white in color, with a freckled nose.

The first two years of Daisy’s life are a complete mystery and she doesn’t talk much about them. We know that she lived with a human mom and “a whole damned bunch of chihuahuas”, but beyond that, we only know that he life “didn’t suck”.

Daisy is a thin, but very athletic girl. She does not gain weight easily, despite the efforts of her mom & dad to put some meat on her bones. Daisy loves humans, dogs and many other animal species, but she hates squirrels (who are all “bushy tailed communist bastards”) and thinks both rabbits and cats are “pretty damned dodgy, if you ask me”.

Daisy is very intelligent and has a generally sweet disposition. She is a lover of all things Trek (and Who, Marvel, DC, Tolkien, etc, etc), Daisy is a big old geek girl. She particularly loves Star Trek: The Next Generation, the fourth Doctor, all things Firefly, Captain America, Batman and the RPG Dungeons & Dogs. She can hardly wait to attend her first DogCon in August of 2014

In her spare time, Daisy likes reading Star Trek novels, eating Foooooodddd Foooooorrrr Doooooggggssss!, watching monster movies with her dad, chewing on beef bones, dating nerdy Spaniels and sliding in the Slide Room on the Magic Bus.