A Handbook About Hands & Books

...it's a very handy book . The Doclopedia #1,697 My Family: Uncle Red . Uncle Red was, in most ways, about as ordinary a person as you could imagine. Dairy farmer, churchgoer, lifelong Democrat, Giants & 49ers fan, married 54 years, 4 kids, etc, etc. You might even call him boring. Except for the fact …

A Little Knight Music

...he's only 5' 4", but has a wonderful singing voice . The Doclopedia #1,694 My Family: Cousin Emma . Poor Emma. She's about the nicest person you could ever meet, but her luck with husbands is just terrible. She's married to a nice guy now, but her first three were cads. Charlie, her first husband, …

A Raccoon Named Boone Went To The Moon Last June To Sing A Looney Tune

...who knew he could croon? The Scottish Pixie Event (Note: This is not actually that strange an occurrence at our house. Additionally, for those not in the know, Daisy, Sasha, Silky, Luke & Misty are dogs. Max is a mutant rabbit and Daisy's boyfriend.) So I'm at the laundromat when I get this text... Daisy: …

The Tern Worms

...he's eaten about 12 of them so far   The Doclopedia #1,023 My Family: Cousin Hank One of the more tragic members of my family is my cousin Hank. Hank is a handsome, intelligent man of good moral fiber. He has never borrowed a dime from anyone and has successfully run his own business for …

Never Tickle A Shark

... Not even with a really long stick   The Doclopedia #1,022 My Family: Aunt Wren   My Aunt Wren was my favorite aunt. She was always joking around and would take us kids places and she'd read comic books and sing songs. She was a hell of a baker, too, and her coconut chocolate …

Junior Muskrat Shops For A Chainsaw

...and now he is banned for life from MuskMart   The Doclopedia #1,020 My Family: Uncle Porky Everybody in the family loves Uncle Porky, even though he was transformed into a half human/half pig after a toxic chemical spill. Once he got used to his new looks, he was back to being his funny old …

Horrid Finger Monsters

...made from horrid fingers, naturally   The Doclopedia #1,019 My Family: Sister Zoe My older sister, Zoe, was pretty much your average girl as a child. She played with dolls, liked to read, played games and had a pet cat named Roger. She did well in school and helped around the house. For an older …

Jet Powered Robot Kid

...more fake anime The Doclopedia #353 My Family: Uncle Smitty Old Uncle Smitty was about 85 when I was 10 and he used to tell us kids all sorts of great stories about having been an accountant and an insurance salesman and living in the same small town (population: 2,500) all his life. He told …