Adventure Module E-2: Valley Of The Swineosaurs

…including a dangerous encounter with a Tyrannoporkus

 

The Doclopedia #630

New Breeds Of Cat: MultiCat!

Nobody has the slightest idea where MultiCat! came from. The best scientific theory that he came from some alternate dimension is just as valid as the ones that say he’s magical or a gift from (insert your favorite deity here) or he’s a product of a Secret Government Experiment or that he’s an alien. Whatever the case, MultiCat! has been here for 5 years and shows no sign of leaving.

Describing MultiCat! is difficult because he keeps changing the way he looks, but we do know that he never weighs less than 10 pounds or more than 40. Everything about him can change, so long as he has the basic form of a cat. The only real constants are his purple eyes and his black collar with MULTICAT! Spelled out in yellow letters.

We do know that, while he often acts like a normal cat, he can understand all human languages and has problem solving skills that are at least human genius level. He has never tried to communicate anything complex to any human, but he has done many great things. Some examples…

While in a blue and green tabby cat form, he lead NASA scientists to a potentially fatal flaw in the cooling system of the new Space Plane.

In a form that looked like a very large Siamese with four dorsal tentacles, he saved an orphanage full of Chinese children from a flood.

He lead a group of botanists to the rare plants that were later grown in the laboratory and used to manufacture a cure for AIDS. He had the form of a very small cat with two very long prehensile tails.

Using a form that had human style hands and an erect walking posture, he assassinated several dictators and terrorist over the course of a month.

MultiCat! Whatever would we do without him?

 

Try Not To Think About The Face Eating Spider Rats

…you thought about them, didn’t you?

 

The Doclopedia #627

New Breeds Of Cat: American Shorthair Tiny Cats

On an Earth where magic is extremely rare, but not unheard of, a powerful Mage who also happened to be a Crazy Cat Lady lay dying. Her final spell was to make her 36 American Shorthair Cats so cute that the authorities would not place them in a kill shelter. She cast the spell, smiled at the results, called 911 to come to her house, then died.

When the emergency team got there, they could do nothing for her, but they pretty much fell in love with 36 tiny full grown cats they found sitting quietly around the body of the old Mage. Each of the cats measured about a foot long, including their tails, weighed about a pound. They were sweet tempered, playful and very friendly. Each of the EMTs, cops, firemen and reporters there took home a couple. Not a single cat went unadopted that night.

Today, the American Shorthair Tiny Cat is far and away the most popular cat on that Earth. Owning one is like having a permanent kitten and the food costs for 4 of them is less than the cost for one normal sized cat. Also, you can easily make a litter box out of an old pie tin.

The ASTC has other advantages over a larger cat. They are very healthy and can live up to 30 years. They get along very well with all other animals and do not seem to want to kill your parakeets or hamsters. Most of them are quite easy to train and can learn many tricks.

The ASTC comes in a huge variety of colors and coat patterns. Eye color is always either green or blue.

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The Doclopedia #628

New Breeds Of Cat: Smart Cats

On the Changed Earth, where magic and magical beings have returned, many species of animals are Smart, which means they are sentient and at least as smart as humans. By law and Wizard Decree, they have all of the rights and privileges as any other sentient being.

Smart Cats are second in population only to Smart Dogs. They look like any sort of normal cat, but can converse telepathically with other sentients and with non sentient normal animals. Their behavior is a mix of cat and human.

A few Smart Cats have opted to “go anthro”, meaning that they ask a Wizard to give them an anthropomorphic body. Such bodies are covered with very fine coats of fur in the color and pattern the Smart Cat originally had. The face is not furry and the head hair is, at least at first, long and silky. Females only have two breasts. Ears are cat style atop the head. All cat people have tails.

Regardless of the age of the Smart Cat, they always start their new Anthro life as a 13 year old cat person. Some Smart Animal philosophers think that is because cats never really stop being teenagers.

It should be pointed out that Smart Cats go anthro at a rate far above any other Smart Animal. There are no dog people at all.

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The Doclopedia #629

New Breeds Of Cat: Prehensile Tailed Burmese

Developed by breeders in England, the Prehensile Tailed Burmese is in all respects a normal Burmese Cat until you get to that tail. Twice as long as a normal tail, it can grasp things and manipulate them almost as well as a hand. Owners are advised to lock cabinet/refrigerator doors and secure breakables. In homes with dogs, especially larger dogs, the PTB has been known to work in tandem with the dogs to get at edibles.

They can and do use the tail to climb things and seem to enjoy just hanging by them, especially if this will drive small yappy dogs crazy. When out on a leash with their humans, the tail is often wrapped around the leash.

Spanking The Monkey Is NOT A Form Of Primate Corporal Punishment!

…well, ok, maybe if you have a really kinky monkey.

The Doclopedia #624

New Breeds Of Cat: Riding Cat

On Earth 128, a fantasy based world, there are no humans and one of the most advanced kingdoms is made up of anthropomorphic rodents. These creatures, who call themselves The Folk, are still only the standard size for their species, so they need a riding beast that is appropriately sized. The answer: Riding Cats.

Riding Cats are slightly larger than our house cats, are much more mellow and are not as smart. This makes them excellent as mounts for The Folk. As with our horses, they vary in size and body conformation. There are large Riding Cats for pulling carts and smaller, sleek & speedy riding cats for racing or just getting around quickly.

Most Riding Cats have medium length hair, which comes in all colors and patterns common to cats. You might wonder what these cats eat, with rodents off the menu. The answer is that they eat the meat of goats, pigs, cattle, chickens and other livestock & poultry. Fish is also on the menu frequently. They will also eat insects and vegetables.

The majority of riding cats are quite gentle, but there are a few (mostly younger toms) who can never be trained. These young broncos are used as breeding stock and often produce outstanding racers.

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The Doclopedia #625

New Breeds Of Cat: Puffer Cat

Thanks to genetic modification, those of us living in the mid 21st century now have access to some very unique pets. Animals like the Snake Dog, the KangaRat and the Parrot Pig are beloved pets in many homes. Now, GenetiPet introduces their latest creation: the Puffer Cat!

Using DNA from puffer fish and other species, the Puffer Cat looks like an ordinary small cat, but when frightened, will inflate itself into a round ball to scare away predators. After a few moments, they deflate and look perfectly normal.

Puffer Cats weigh in at just 9 pounds and come with short or long coats in the following colors: Brown, Grey, Orange, White and Silver. They are a somewhat stocky breed and are not as athletic as many other breeds. They are generally extremely healthy. They come out of our breeding facility already spayed or neutered and with all of their initial shots.

Pre-order your Puffer Cat now and GenetiPet will include a free cat bed and bag of Fishalicious Cat Chow.

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The Doclopedia #626

New Breeds Of Cat: Ghost Cat

Another great new cat breed from GenetiPet! These variations on the Persian are genetically modified to glow in the dark! Yes, folks, these all white kitties give off a soft green glow in the dark. Makes cleaning up cat hair a breeze, too! Just turn off the lights and start vacuuming!

Aside from the glowing and a less vocal habit, these are pretty much standard white Persian cats, with all of that breeds lovability. Playful, intelligent, curious…they will make a great companion for you and your children!

Order your Ghost Cat today and you’ll get at no extra charge our Bag O’ Cat Toys and a grooming brush! As with all of our cats & dogs, these are shipped spayed/neutered and will all initial shots.

I Was A Half-Orc Druid For The FBI

…a true tale

 

The Doclopedia #623

New Breeds Of Cat: Dwarf Portuguese Jungle Cat

The Dwarf Portuguese Jungle Cat is among the rarest of breeds. In fact, there is so far only one specimen known, a male named Flash. If he is indicative of the species, then we can assume that they are tiny, cute and unrepentant scalawags.

The DPJC weighs in at only 6 pounds, has short hair that is striped exactly like that of a tiger and has large green eyes. The ears are somewhat rounded, adding to the tigerish look. These cats are very playful and get along well with most dogs, but they are never to be trusted around rodents, rabbits or any bird smaller than a goose. When angered, the DPJC will fight with amazing ferocity.

The DPJC has also shown the ability to eat huge quantities of food of all sorts. Shortly thereafter, they fall into a very deep food coma, during which one can handle them or even bathe them without waking them.

The DPJC is also a cat that likes the ladies. They will attempt to mate with females many times their size, often quite successfully.