…run, damn you, run!
The Doclopedia #1,692
And Then…: The Self Driving Car Catastrophe
Look, Officer, I can explain this. God knows I’ll have to explain it to our moms & dads when they get here. Oh Christ, I’ll be grounded forever and Jenna will be…oh, right, I’m sorry. So, we actually started out in Elko, Nevada. This is my dad’s mini RV, but he lets me use it. Well, we thought, you know, self driving car, plenty of room, let’s make out while it drives around town.
So we get down on the floor because the carpet is nice and then, I tell the car to just drive. It asks which way and by that time, we are making out and I just say, “I dunno, west.” But I forgot to tell it to just drive around town.
Anyway, after a few minutes of the car saying stuff like “now crossing Second Street” and “Turning on headlights”, I just yelled shut up and drive. So it did.
So, you were young right? And you know how things go. We made out for a while and then, well, things went further and I told the car to darken the windows and, well, we got busy. And then we rested a bit and got busy again. We were pretty distracted and so we never noticed that the car wasn’t making any turns.
After that second time, we both fell asleep for, well, I guess 4 hours. When we woke up, we grabbed a couple of sodas from the cooler and then got busy a third time. After that, we both used the mini john to pee and then we talked for maybe an hour and then Jenna says “Hey, this car has been driving straight for a long time”, so I go up to the cab and I see a road sign saying something about Sacramento and I figure out what happened.
I tell the car to get off the freeway, so it pulls off at the next exit and it heads to a mall to park and Jenna starts crying and freaking out and I’m freaking out and then the car says it needs to recharge and I tell it to find a station.
So I’m trying to calm Jenna and the car pulls into this parking lot and it hits a bump and I fall onto the control panel and I don’t know what happened. The car tells me it needs a diagnostic run and it can’t move and we’re in a no parking zone and then 15 minutes later it shuts down because it’s too low on juice.
Anyway, I called my folks and Jenna called hers and they are all on the way here. Then you showed up and now I’m thinking maybe my life would be better if you just threw me in jail or shot me.
Aw, officer, please don’t laugh.
The Doclopedia #1,693
And Then…: The Drunken Mother In Law Debacle
Sulg just wanted nice wedding. Ogres come, shaman say words, Sulg and Vuna drink wine from skull, then everybody eat and dance and maybe tell stories. But Vuna’s mother show up and then everything go bad.
Vuna’s mother is Harga. Harga big for Ogre female. Big eater, big drinker, big mouth. She sit nice during ceremony. After, she tell Sulg to be good to Vuna or she kill Sulg. Sulg expect talk like that.
Party start. Ogres having good time. Harga drinking lots of wine, eat lots of food. Harga dance with many Ogres. Harga get drunker, then drink more.
Vuna try to get her mother to sit down, but Harga say no. Then Dort, who not right in head, grab Harga by ass. Harga no like and punch Dort in face, knock Dort flat. Vuna tell Sulg maybe time to leave, so we start up hill as fight starts.
Harga yelling and Ogres yelling and everyone fighting. Then Harga pick up big tree limb and start swinging it. Harga knock Nuba and Rif into fire. Pretty soon, big fire burning. Ogres all still fighting. Huts start burning. Harga finally get hit on head and fall down. Some Ogres fight, but some try to put out fire.
Now, half of village burned down. Many Ogres hurt. Hagra put on raft while still knocked out. Will probably be mad when she wakes up far down river.
Sulg and Vuna decide to go live with Bloody Eye Ogres on other side of mountains. Safer there.