Return Of The Red Metal Baby Toy

…and all along we thought it was dead

Behold! At long last, another Violet episode!

On The Road With Violet: In Which A Stealthy Approach Is Used And A Pig Is Underestimated

Under cover of the night, our band of brave rescuers slips out of the marsh and onto the fairly well cleaned up outskirts of the village.

“Right then, we all know what to do”, whispers Violet, “so, let’s get on with it. Good luck.”

With that, Violet and Ranger (for that was the Irish Setter’s name) set out for the Mayor’s house. Meanwhile, Lavender and Verity set off to free the prisoners while Jake and Nick go to deal with the guards set up around the turtle.

The pirates, according to Lavender, were still mostly laying low outside of town. With any luck, Our Heroes hope to be in the turtle and creeping up on the pirate ship before dawn.

The Mayor’s house is dark as Violet and Ranger approach it. As they wind through the rather extensive garden, Violet notices a light coming from a basement window. Moving closer, they stop behind a small juniper bush and try to get a look inside. After a moment, they see the mayor and another man step into view. They seem to be carrying a large metal object between them.

“That’s it, Ranger”, she tells the dog in hushed tones.

“Woof, woof”, he quietly replies.

“I’ve no idea”, says Violet, “but it must be something worth working on in secret late at night. Considering what a wanker that mayor is, it could well be some infernal machine.”

Ranger thinks for a moment and then says, “Ruff, woof, grrr.”

Violet nods. “I can see your point, mate. I reckon they’re all infernal machines to you.”

In the basement, it looks as though the mayor and his companion are attaching cables to the device they were carrying. Suddenly, many lights of different colors come on all over the basement and a low hum fills the air.

Meanwhile, across the village, Verity and Lavender have reached the building where Sir Rupert, Nigel and Hercules are being held. Two large men armed with shotguns are guarding the front door.

“So, Lavender, it looks like you are on”, Verity says, nodding towards the guards.

“Grunt, oink, grunt.”

Verity, who does not speak Swinish as well as Violet does, is pretty sure that Lavender has just told her she will hit them with a melon. However, before she can ask for clarification, Lavender trots off towards the guards.

Seeing the pig coming towards them, the guards (who are, if the truth be known, bored silly) begin making comments about her.

“Oi, Denny, it’s that pig again, the one what’s been wandering around for the last week”, says the guard with the big nose.

Looking at the young porker, Denny says, “I’ve been wondering where she got off to. Didn’t see her about all day today. Probably went off to sleep in the mud.”

The big nosed guard (whose name is Alf) chuckles.

“I expect she did just that. Filthy creatures, pigs. Stupid, too.”

As they laugh, Lavender begins to run around in a circle. Soon, she is running very fast.

“Would ya look at that. Bloody thing has gone off it’s nut”, Alf says.

After a few seconds, Lavender stops running, falls over on her side and, after some dramatic squealing and thrashing about, stops moving.

“Well would ya look at that”, says Denny, “she’s done keeled over dead.”

Stepping forward, Denny bends down to get a closer look. After poking Lavender with his finger, he is about to pronounce her dead when, suddenly, the young sow leaps to her feet and bites him square in the crotch.

Giving forth a high pitched scream that would do any young girl proud, Denny drops his gun and begins trying to pry the pigs jaws loose. Behind him, Alf sets his gun aside and picks up a rock.

“Hang on there, Denny, I’ll get her off ya with…” His sentence is cut short as he falls face first to the ground.

“…a rock to the head?”, Verity says from behind him, hefting her own rock.

Seeing that Verity has done her part, Lavender lets go of Denny’s family jewels. Denny falls over on his side and curls into a fetal position, gasping for air and crying.

After taking the keys off Alf, Verity opens the door to the jail and within minutes, has the boys free of their confinement. A bit of introduction is done and then Hercules and Sir Rupert set off for the turtle, while Verity, Nigel and Lavender head out to lend Violet and Ranger a hand.

The Hot Dog Creatures From Planet Z

…in Technicolor

Here is the latest Violet post, with a new and improved style of chapter titling.

On The Road With Violet: In Which Our Heroine Does Some Thinking, A Fight Breaks Out And News Of The Village Arrives

Upon awakening quite early on the morning of her sixth day at the Ogre Brothers home, Violet (who is not at all hung over due to having not drunk nearly as much as she seemed to) decides to go outside and have herself a think. After spending nearly a week here, she has a fair bit to think about, so, finding a chair as far from the loudly snoring brothers as is possible, she starts to mentally go over what she knows.

First comes the fact that, while they are loud, boisterous, a bit crude and given to drinking and smoking and gambling, the Ogre Brothers are not evil. In fact, they are not even really Ogres. They are, in fact, a couple of “adventurous bums who can get by as musicians” from California. (It should be noted that hearing them talk about life in the Bear Flag Empire made Violet long to go there.) (After finding the City of Glass, of course) It seems that they use a potion developed by a friend of theirs (who may have been in some way connected to the late Dr. Henry Jekyll) to turn into Ogres, thus insuring that, as Jake said, “nobody messes with us”. Of course, even in their natural human form they were a couple of rough tough and scruffy looking fellows, so Violet doubts that many people messed with them anyway. So, they were never a threat to the village, although they may well have been a threat to the village’s liquor supply.

Secondly, Violet is concerned about her friends back in the village. They must be nearly done cleaning up and will be quite worried about her, especially Nigel. She has already decided to go back today, after getting Nick and Jake to promise to remain quiet for a day or two, until she and her friends are long gone. Well, assuming that Hercules and Sir Rupert could get the turtle moving again.

Third on her mind is Lavender. She is rather surprised that the pig had not come looking for her. Whatever could Lavender be up to? Violet supposes she might have met a nice gentleman pig, but she thinks it more likely that Lavender was plotting an escape for the boys. It just seems like the sort of thing a brave young sow might do. Exactly how she might do it, Violet has no idea, but she very much hopes that any escape would not take place until she has a chance to get back and convince the villagers that the Ogre Brothers have left the area.

Finally, Violet thinks of Verity. The younger lass had certainly proven herself able to carouse as well as anyone Violet has ever met. (and Violet’s family has it’s share of carousers, you can be sure) Even more important, Verity has shown a great deal of musical skill, both on the accordion and as a singer. She has the sort of voice that goesy well with singing blues and jazz songs. Additionally, Violet has a sneaking suspicion that Verity and Jake might have had a dalliance or two while Jake was in his human form. Violet thinks that it might not be a bad thing if Verity were to stay with the brothers, since they are considering doing a musical tour of Britain and Scotland, which is why they came here from California anyway.

“So, Violet,” she says to herself, “what is your plan? What next, old girl?”

After a few more minutes, she has decided that she will…

A: Convince the brothers to lay low for a couple of days

B: Tell Verity that she should stay on with the Ogres as a member of the band

C: Go back and rescue the boys, either by conning the villagers or assisting Lavender in some great escape.

D: Find the City of Glass, then go to California.

And she would have done all of those things in that order, if all hell had not broken loose a hour later while she was having breakfast with Verity.

It was then, you see, that Lavender, accompanied by a terribly dirty Irish Setter dog, came bursting out of the marsh with a group of five air pirates in hot pursuit. Squealing in terror, the panicked porker ran up onto Ogre Island and, still accompanied by the dog, dove underneath the cabin.

As the first pirate stepped onto the island, Violet did the only thing she could think of…she tossed her bowl of hot porridge into his face. Yowling like a banshee and clawing at his face, the pirate went down.

Verity was almost as quick as Violet, but instead of flinging porridge, she flung a large tea kettle. It hit the second pirate in the chest, knocking him down and scalding him from neck to kneecaps.

The remaining three pirates were trying to circle around the girls when they saw Nick and Jake coming at them from out of the cabin. All three pirates screamed and tried to run, but the Ogres were too fast for them. It didn’t take long before they were unconscious on the ground.

“Well I’ll be damned, little brother, looks like we caught some pirates.” Nick sounds amused as he says it. “I wonder if they’ve got any treasure?”

Jake chuckles. “Doesn’t look like it. Maybe we can get ’em to teach us that pirate lingo. Yarr, matey!”

While the brothers laugh and joke, Violet and Verity coax Lavender and the dog out of hiding. Once they are out in the open, Lavender began telling Violet everything that has happened since she left the village.

“Grunt, grunt, squeal, oink! Squeal, oink, oink, grunt, squeal!”

Violet is stunned by the news. “Oh my! You say that the Mayor is considering not letting the boys go unless they turn the turtle over to him? And that there is some strange device in the Mayor’s basement?”

Lavender nods. “Grunt, grunt, grunt, oink! Oink, squeal, grunt!”

“So you came up with an escape plan, but then found out that the air pirates had tracked us here?”

“Grunt, oink, grunt. Squeal, squeal, oink, oink!

“Hmm, yes, I see your point. We have no time to lose!”

Violet leaps to her feet and calls out to Verity, Jake, Nick and the dog.

“Look here, everyone, we need to get to the village, rescue my friends, scuttle the plans of those sky pirates, find out what that sod of a mayor is up to and put a stop to it. Are you with me?”

They all agree to help.

Taking A Flying Leap Into The Future

…in less than an hour

And now, my most Patient and Loyal Readers, the last Violet episode of 2007.

Powered by Guinness:)

On The Road With Violet: An Open Invitation To The Blues

(Director’s Note: The Ogre Brothers will be played, under much makeup, by Lee Marvin (Nick) and Tom Waits (Jake), both at age 40)

I come in last night about half past ten
That baby of mine wouldn’t let me in
So move it on over. Rock it on over
Move over little dog, a mean, old dog is movin’ in

She told me not to mess around
But I done let the deal go down
Move it on over. Rock it on over
Move over nice dog, a big, fat dog is movin’ in

She changed the lock on my back door
Now my key won’t fit no more
Move it on over. Rock it on over
Move over nice dog, a mean, old dog is movin’ in

She threw me out just as pretty as she pleased
Pretty soon I’ve been scratchin’ fleas
Move it on over. Slide it on over
Move over nice dog, a mean, old dog is movin’ in

Yeah! Listen to me dog before you start to whine
That side’s yours and this side’s mine
Move it on over. Rock it on over
Move over little dog, a big, old dog is movin’ in

Move it on over. Move it on over
Move it on over. Won’t’cha rock it on over
Move over cool dog, a hot dog’s movin’ in

The music grows louder as Violet and Verity move towards the source. About halfway through the song, they come to a small island, upon which sets a rather ramshackle house. In front of the house are the Ogre Brothers, one of them playing slide guitar and singing (in a voice that reminds Violet of her Uncle Herbert’s singing voice after the partaking of several large whiskey’s) while the other brother plays a stand up bass. They don’t seem to even notice the two women in the boat as it glides up in front of them. They continue singing and playing until they finish the song, at which point, they finally turn to look at the new feminine arrivals.

Now, Dear Reader, we feel very confident that you, like Violet and Verity, have never actually seen an ogre. That being the case, what follows is a quick description that will, we hope, give you a better mental picture of what Our Heroine sees.

The brothers are tall…every bit of 7 feet. They are also quite muscular, altho a bit paunchy. Their skin has a strong grey-green tinge to it and they have horns on their heads like a rams. Both have long brown hair and big brown eyes. Their facial features are thick and their teeth are big and sharp looking. Both wear blue workman’s shirts and dungarees. Their astoundingly large feet are bare.

After a moment of staring a bit bleary eyed at the ladies, the slightly older appearing of the two says…

“Well well, Jake, look at what just drifted up to our doorstep.”

Jake, the brother who was playing the standup bass, lights a cigar and says…

“Uhh, hello there, ladies. Welcome to our little piece o’ heaven. Say, can either of you play a tenor sax?”

Harry Potter And The Horny House Elves

…it made that year at Hogwarts rather nerve wracking

I love my Northern California, but sometimes I just have to laugh at my fellow NorCals. First moderately big storm of the year…quite a bit of rain…windy…and the local tv stations are doing “stormwatch coverage” with teams of reporters covering every little puddle or broken tree branch. Folks from the midwest and east coast would laugh themselves sick at this.

On The Road With Violet: A Bit Of Flashback

Early the next morning, just minutes after sunrise, Violet is seated on a small boat for her journey into the Great Marsh. Her guide is a young lady of 16 years, Verity Blaine, who dresses in a rather boyish style. Denim trousers, blue workman’s shirt, boots and a cap…not the sort of thing Violet would expect a pretty young blonde lass to wear.

Still, Violet can appreciate anyone who flaunts convention, so she gives Verity a big smile and a friendly hello.

“Pleased to meet you, Verity”

To her surprise, Verity blushes.

“Pleased to meet you, Miss Violet. Now you just sit there and enjoy the trip. The marsh is really pretty early on like this.”

Within a few minutes, Verity is expertly poling the boat through the marshy waters and Violet’s thoughts begin to drift back to yesterday.

“Now, dearie, you just come with us”, the Mayor’s wife had said as she and several other women hustled Violet into the house. “We’ll tell you everything you need to know.”

Once inside, they had taken Violet to a very nicely decorated sitting room and offered her a seat in a large and very comfy chair. Quick as a wink, tea and biscuits were served and Violet’s “briefing” began.

“It all began 6 months ago”, Mrs. Mayor said, “when two ogres moved into the marsh. At first, they kept to themselves and nobody thought much about them, except the folks who had reason to go deep into the marsh. You know…hunters, trappers, that sort.”

“But then”, chimed in an elderly lady with blue hair, “the music and singing started.”

Mrs. Mayor shot Blue Hair a sharp look and resumed the story.

“Yes…music and singing…quite loud, it must have been, to drift all this way. Still, you could hear it at all hours of the night. According to the hunters and trappers, it was driving the wildlife away.”

“What sort of music was it?”, Violet asked.

Mrs Mayor gave a haughty sniff and said, “I’m sure I don’t know, but it sounded rather American to me.”

Once again, Blue Hair spoke up. “It sounded rather Bluesy to me.”

Another sharp look and Mrs. Mayor continued. “Whatever it was, it was dreadful. But then, things got worse. They sdtarted to come to town! They’d come in, buy some supplies, drink at the pub and then stagger off into the marsh. Oh, such great ugly crude beasts!”

At that point, Mrs. Mayor had to take a deep breath and sip some tea in order to steady her nerves. After a bit, she went on.

“We tried sending an emissary to ask them to move out of the area, but poor Franklin never returned. Such a dear man…his mother was quite distraught.”

Again, Blue Hair spoke up. “He was a sweet lad…handsome, smart and an excellent dancer.”

Ignoring Blue Hair this time, Mrs. Mayor went on.

“After Franklin’s disappearence, we were at a loss as to how to proceed. Then, about a month ago, Mr. Woolcotton, our librarian, found an old book about ogres and other creatures. After reading it, we decided that a beautiful young woman could be used to charm the ogres and get them to leave this area.”

Violet did not like where this was going.

“And why did you not send a young woman in then, instead of waiting for someone from outside to arrive?”, she said.

Mrs. Mayor sighed. “We wanted to, but there was considerable arguing about exactly whose daughter would go. There was also the problem of finding a beautiful young woman who was also smart and brave enough to accomplish the task. That eliminated pretty much all of them.”

She took a sip of tea and then looked Violet in the eye.

“And then, my dear, you arrived. Beautiful, smart and, unless I’m guessing incorrectly, as brave as any man your age.”

After that, Mrs. Mayor and the village ladies had told her how she would be taken into the marsh by Verity (who was the daughter of a trapper and sister to five others) and left to enchant, cajole, reason with, threaten or even seduce the Ogre Brothers away. When Violet protested, it was made very clear to her that unless she went along with the plan, it would be a very long time before Sir Rupert, Nigel and Hercules saw freedom. In the end, she had no choice but to agree.

Violet is suddenly started out of her reverie by the sound of music starting up somewhere just ahead of them.

Watch Out For The Freaky Swedish Dude

…he’s big and scary

Voting on the last poll was tight…so tight that I had to flip a coin before casting my tie breaking vote. Anyway, the esteemed Mr. Karloff is our mayor.

On The Road With Violet: Slime & Punishment

It takes less than 15 minutes to slog up the street to the Mayor’s house. During the slog, Violet cannot help but feel badly for the townsfolk. It appears that they were just getting the town decorated for a Spring Festival when the swampy tsunami hit. While no expert in village clean up, Violet is pretty sure that getting this village clean again will take more than a few days.

“Oh, Lavender, we’ll be lucky if these people don’t lock us away for a year”, she says to her porcine pal.

“Grunty grunt grunt!”

Violet sniffs the air before replying, “You’re right. It does smell like rotten cabbage and cow flop.”

“Oink, oink, squeal.”

“It is not an improvement on how humans normally smell!”

“Grunt”

Before Violet can reply to Lavender’s dismissive grunt, the crowd stops in front of a very large (and now mud covered) house. A tall, older gentleman, clad in a gardeners outfit (and swamp muck) is standing in what earlier in the day was a no doubt beautiful garden.

“Will you look at this?”, he says in a sad voice. “My roses…my delphiniums…my agapanthus…all fouled by this mud and muck.” Turning, he points to a small pool of swamp water. “That was my new herb garden. I just put it in last Tuesday.”

Turning towards the crowd, he gets an angry look on his face.

“Are these the people responsible for this outrage?”

The tall villager steps forward. “It is, yer Honor. We brought ’em up here straightaway.”

Over the next few minutes, Our Heroes are introduced to the Mayor and then several other people, who turn out to be the town council. Sir Rupert gives an account of of how they came to be here and why the muck wave hit the town and how sorry they are and how they’ll help with clean up.

After a short, huddled consultation, the Mayor and the council make an announcement.

“First off”, the Mayor begins, “we accept your apology. Accidents do happen, even though they are not usually of such a magnitude. Your offer to help clean things up will be taken.”

The crowd nods and agrees. Our Heroes breathe a sigh of relief.

Waving down the noise, the Mayor continues.

“It has also been decided that you must make some payment to the village for ruining our Spring Festival.”

Sir Rupert steps forward and says, “You just name the amount, Mayor, and it’s as good as taken care of.”

The Mayor shakes his head and smiles.

“Good sir, I’m afraid mere money just won’t do. You see, we have a bit of a problem that I believe your Miss Thistledown can help us with.”

Surprised, Violet says, “I shall do anything I can to be of help, sir. What do you need of me?”

An older lady steps forward and, untying Violet’s hands, says, “Come with me, dear and I’ll explain everything while we get you cleaned up.” With that, they walk off into the Mayor’s house.

Nigel, thinking the worst, steps forward.

“Here now, you’re not up to any funny stuff, are you, Mayor?”

The Mayor laughs loudly.

“Oh no, my dear boy. I assure you that she is quite safe while here in our village.”

Nigel and the others relax a bit.

“However,” the Mayor continues, “I cannot predict how things will go when tomorrow she goes into the marsh to meet with the Ogre Brothers.”

Ogre Brothers? Oh my, Dear Readers, that does not sound good at all!

The Story Of The Littlest Elf And How He Blackmailed Santa

…he caught Santa with a ho. Ho ho!

Just put the lump of coal on the pile with all the others, Santa.

On The Road With Violet: Thoroughly Mucked Up

After Nelly the turtle’s head extends back out and her mouth opens, Violet, Sir Rupert and Lavender get as good look at the scene. Sure enough, the entire town is covered in muck, mud, slime, goo and assorted marsh critters of various sizes. The inhabitants of Tuddly-On-The-Marsh, for the moment frozen in place by a mixture of surprise and fear, resemble (to Violet at least) the titular creatures of Doctor Tempest And His Encounter With The Slime People Of Venus.

The crew of the turtle stare at the villagers.

The villagers stare at the crew of the turtle.

After about a minute, a tall villager near the turtle speak up.

“Who the bleedin’ ‘ell are you lot and why’d you splash that great wave ‘o muck all over our village?”

Sir Rupert steps forward, hand exctended. “My good man, I’m so very sorry. I’m Sir Rupert Poppington. These are my associates, Miss Violet Thistledown, Miss Lavender, Mister Nigel Trembly and Mister Hercules Dibbs. We were escaping from road and sky pirates when our flying travel terrapin experienced a mechanical failure. Our landing here was a completely unavoidable accident and I assure you we all deeply regret what has happened to your village. Naturally, we’ll do everything we can to help with the clean up.”

Several villagers have moved in closer to the turtle. They do not look happy.

“Oh, well, I ‘spose that’s alright then.”, the tall villager says as he wipes muck from his shirt. “After all, you couldn’t control yer flyin’ turtle then, could ya? We was all just in the wrong spot fer a great bloody turtle to come crashin’ outta the sky, right? An’ now, you and yer friends can ‘elp us wipe down the place, then ever’thin’ will be right as rain?”

He gets nose to nose with Sir Rupert.

“I don’t bloody think so, mate. GRAB ‘EM!”

The villagers rush forward and in less than a minute, Our Heroes are face down in the muck getting their hands tied behind their backs. Once they are tied, the villagers help them to their feet and begin marching them into town.

“Take ’em to the Mayor’s house.”, says the tall man. “We’ll let him an’ the council sort this out”

Oh dear, Our Heroes are certainly in a sticky (and mucky) situation here.

(Note: Our Younger Readers may wish to consult the Internet Movie Database regarding some of the above choices)

She Was Only a Plaster Caster In Spirit

…but she got her man

If you don’t know who the Plaster Casters were (are?) then go Google it.

On The Road With Violet: Making A Big Splash

(Note: Since “the convergence of two rivers” and “Outside Tuddly-On-The Marsh” tied in voting, I’ve combined the two, as shall soon be revealed)

About two minutes into the flight, Hercules announces that they are travelling at roughly 600 miles an hour and have reached an altitude of 7,000 feet.

“I’m not real sure of our headin’, but I reckon it’s roughly southwest. She seems to be runnin’ smooth as silk.”

“Excellent!”, says Sir Rupert. “With a spot of luck, we’ll touch down near Port Gulliver and be able to have a fine dinner before heading home.”

Puzzled, Violet asks, “But won’t the pirates be watching your home, Sir Rupert? They seemed quite determined to capture the turtle.”

“Oh, yes my dear, they’ll be watching my home and my workshop very closely, but it won’t do them any good. You see, the buildings we’ve been using recently actually belong to my cousin Tom. He’s off on an extended tour of the Americas and won’t be back for some months yet. My actual home, which I might add includes a far larger and better equipped workshop, is just outside London.” He stops to smile, then chuckle. “By the time that scalawag Captain Fox realizes we aren’t coming back, we’ll be safely home where not even the boldest pirate would dare set foot.”

Violet admits that it is indeed a good plan and is just getting ready to ask Sir Rupert about the better dining establishments in Port Gulliver, when the turtle suddenly shoots several hundred feet straight up, then drops about a thousand feet down.

Cursing like an entire shipload of sailors, Hercules once again begins working various controls in an attempt to bring the craft under control. After a minute or so, things calm down a bit, tho they are still bouncing up and down every so often.

At his seat, Nigel quickly consults several meters and gauges. “Bad news, Professor. The Cavorite seems to be becoming unstable. We’d best land now or risk a nasty crash.”

Sir Rupert grips his chair tightly to avoid being thown out of it by the violent ups and downs of the turtle. “Right then. Hercules, find a spot and land us. Violet, you might want to fasten this belt around yourself and the chair.” He hands Violet a large belt made of canvas and attached to a brass buckle.

Witha quick “Aye, Perfesser”, Hercules sets himself to the task of landing. Despite the rollercoster moves of the turtle, he begins decreasing the altitude. Looking through the viewing scope, he gives out another curse.

“Hang on! We’re landin’ in a swamp!”

When the turtle first touches down, it immediately leaps skyward again, skipping like a stone thrown across a pond. Three more skips and then it comes down for good. Unfortunately, since it is still moving at nearly 200 miles an hour, it creates a large tsunami of water and mud in front of it.

Looking through his own viewing scope, Nigel sees a small town in the distance. They are heading right for it.

“Bloody hell! There’s a town ahead and even if we don’t crash into it, that wave ahead of us will swamp it.”

At this point everyone begins speaking at once, offering ideas, worried questions, curses, cries of alarm and, in Lavender’s case, panicked squeals.

And then they come to a stop.

And then the wave hits the town.

And then, after looking through their respective viewing scopes, Hercules and Nigel say in unison…

“Uh oh, we’re buggered now!”

The Land Where Babies Play With Eyeballs And Old People Crawl On Walls

…ewwwwwww!

All Aboard The Random Stuff Express

I’m still lovin’ me some Heroes this season, but the writers/producer need to learn three lessons: (1) If you kill somebody, at least let them stay dead awhile (preferably all/most of a season) before you bring them back. Sylar should have not appeared this season. (2) You don’t need to threaten world destruction every season. (3) If you’re gonna bring in new heroes, make them interesting and feature them more.

I’m going to try to set aside some time this weekend for writing, now that the game/writing room is set up. I’ll most likely divide my time between a rules free RPG setting, a rules free adventure and the chartacters for my Dundracon TOON game.

Speaking of writing, I fully plan on putting On The Road With Violet: The Expanded Directors Cut on this very LJ sometime early in 2008. Mind you, this will be an expansion of already posted Violet entries and will run concurrently with new Violet entries.

I’ve been reading stuff about D&D 4th Edition recently and I have to say that I’m not impressed or interested in it. As for the lack of a D&D Compatible/D20 deal for the system, which would allow other companies to do what they did for/to D&D 3rd Edition, I can’t say as I think it’s a bad idea. Go on, tiny little RPG companies, and use the OGL…or better yet, hook up with a good offshoot like True20 or somesuch.

Gotta go to work. More bloggity blog blog blog later.

Kissing On The Golden Gate Bridge In The Fog

…among other things

Well, folks, I reckon that a 5 to 1 vote for keeping Violet and her mates together is good enough for me:)

On The Road With Violet: Into The Wild With Gun And Gamera

(Directors Note: The part of Captain Fox will be played by Errol Flynn at age 40)

Upon hearing Hercules give the emergency escape warning, Nigel and Violet run into the parlor/control room. Upon seeing them, Lavender gives forth a happy squeal.

“Find a chair and sit tight”, Nigel says to Violet. “Things are going to move fast in just a moment.” With that, he seats himself in a large chair near a viewing mirror.

Within seconds, the turtles head begins to retract pack into the main body. Violet can hear machinery clanking, gears turning and steam hissing. From outside, she can hear the faint sounds of the road pirates once again attacking the turtle.

Meanwile, atop the turtles head, Sir Rupert is pretty sure his side is only scratched a bit from the pirates blade. When he hears the warning from Hercules, he steps on a small panel 3 times. This causes a trap door to slide open.

From across road, Captain Fox, shouts “Ahoy, Sir Rupert! I’ll stay here, if you please, but I’ll make a place for you and your crew as my guests, once my brother’s skyship has hauled that great beast in.”

As the trap door finishes opening, a pole extends upward from the parlor floor. Grabbing it, Sir Rupert laughs and shouts back “Not today, Captain” and slides down the pole.

As soon as she sees Sir Rupert, Violet notices that he has been wounded. Leaping to her feet, she runs to him and helps him onto a sofa.

“Nigel, I need a first aid kit”, she shouts. Nigel points her towards a cupboard, where she finds not only the kit she needs, but a large bottle of what looks like gin. She grabs them both and returns to the Professor.

Meanwhile, the head has retracted all the way in to the very center of the turtle. A large metal plate slides into place and covers the neck hole. The turtles legs all extend a bit and turn to the side. In his pilots chair, Hercules begins a countdown.

“5”

“Violet, my dear, there’s no need for…”

“4”

“Do shut up, Professor, and let me tend to this wound.”

“3”

“As you say, my nurse. Might I have a bit of that gin?”

“2”

“Certainly, but do save a bit for me.”

“1”

“Squeeeaal!”

“0…Perfesser, I hope that Cavor feller was on the up an’ up”

At this point, while tending to Sir Rupert, Violet notices several things happen very quickly. First, there is the sound of small doors opening on the underside of the turtle. Next comes a loud wooshing noise that drowns out all other sound. As that takes place, she sees that the turtles shell is beginning to rotate, although the parlor seems to be remaining stationary. Finally, she can feel the entire turle rapidly rising into the air.

Within moments, the turtle is spinning rapidly and flying through the air. It narrowly misses the skyship, on which the crew is now hurriedly jumping out of the way of the flying chains that were meant to secure the turtle.

Seconds later, they are a mile away from the skyship and travelling fast.

“We’re away!”, says Nigel triumphantly, “Fifteen minutes until the steam jets shut off, then you can guide us to a landing, Hercules.”

Transforming Jessie Into Jessica

…it was mostly in her mind

On The Road With Violet: The Labors Of Hercules

As soon as the turtle starts to stumble and jerk about (and before he actually sees a road pirate), Hercules Dibbs knows exactly what has happened. Somebody has dumped cannonball sized steel spheres on the roadway, hoping to cause Thelma (for that is the name Hercules uses when referring to the turtle) to lose her footing and crash.

“Sonofabitch!”, he says to nobody in particular as he wrestled with various wheels, levers, pedals and knobs in an effort to keep Thelma on her feel. “Come on, sweetheart. Keep yer footin'”

As Thelma pitches rather alarmingly to starboard, Hercules gets a quick glimpse of a large wagon and the thirty or so men swarming off of it and towards the turtle. After yelling a warning to Sir Rupert, he increases his efforts at the controls. He isn’t helped by the road pirates trying to wrap chains around Thelmas feet and neck.

Meanwhile, after losing her footing and first sliding under a chair, then back the other way into a writing desk, Lavender gets up and runs towards the pilot booth. Squealing loudly, she looks up at Hercules.

“Hang on, Miss Pig. I reckon it’ll get rougher before things are done. Pity ya don’t understand human speech, or I’d have ya helping me.”

Lavender, who does indeed understand human speech quite well, thank you, grunts indignantly at Hercules while staring him straight in the eye.

While frantically turning a huge wheel with one hand and pulling hard on a lever with the other, he notices that Lavender does in fact seem to have a rather non-porcine look in her eyes. Nearly human, in fact.

“Alrighty then. If you can understand me, sit on this right hand pedal.”

Without hesitation, Lavender sits on the pedal. With a grunt of surprise, Hercules uses his now free right foot to kick a lever into a new position. For several minutes, the little man and the pig manage to keep the turtle under control. Then, just as things begin to calm down, Hercules hears Nigels warning about the skyship and getting carried off. Grabbing a communications tube, he yells “Perfesser, we got troubles above. Ya might want to bail off, cos I’m gonna go into escape mode.”

Looking down at Lavender, he says, “Same goes fer you, Little Missy. We ain’t fully tested escape mode yet.”

Looking up at Hercules, Lavender gives a grunt and a look that both say, “Bring it on!”

With a hearty laugh, Hercules reaches for a red lever and gives it a pull.

Whack That Beaver With A Frozen Mop

…cos he needs a good whackin’

On The Road With Violet : Nigel Gets His Gun

After quickly climbing a ladder to the top of the dome that is the turtles interior shell, Nigel slips into a chair inside what looks like a large pipe hanging from the ceiling. After strapping himself in, he releases a catch and the turret begins to rise. Within seconds, it stops and a machine gun rises up from the floor beneath Nigel’s seat, its barrel sliding through a two foot wide firing slot.

Grabbing the handgrips of the machine gun and looking into a periscope device, Nigel locates a pirate and fires away. Screaming as the bullets strike his lower legs, the pirate loses his grip and falls to the ground. As the turret rotates, Nigel shoots one pirate after another, ever careful to disable them, not kill them. Once he has cleared off nearly two dozen of them, he stops firing and looks for more.

As the turret rotates towards the rear of the turtle, Nigel sees several burning pirates rolling about on the road, trying to extinguish the flames from Violet’s flame thrower. Faintly, he can hear Violet shouting things like “Who else wants a go at me?” and “Come on, you bastards! I’ll fry the lot of you!” Oddly, hearing her talk this way gives Nigel a bit of a thrill.

Rotating forward, Nigel is just in time to see Sir Rupert finishing off several pirates with a flashing blade. A short distance away, he sees a large wagon, obviously the transport of the road pirates. As the pirate captain comes up on deck to talk to Sir Rupert, Nigel decides to take aim at him, just in case of any pirate trickery. As he’s sighting in though, Nigel sees a shadow on the hill behind the pirate captain.

“What the devil?” He says, as he begins swivelling the turret to face in the opposite direction. A few seconds later, he sees the cause of the shadow: a skyship…a huge skyship…and it seems to be lowering large chains from both bow and stern.

“Sweet Mother of Pearl! They mean to carry us off!”

Nigel knows he can’t fire on the skyship, since the gun won’t tilt that far up. Instead, he unbuckles himself from the turret and climbs out onto the ladder. Doing a controlled slide down it, he begins shouting to Violet and Hercules.

“Violet! Get out of there and come here! We’re under attack from above! Hercules, they mean to carry us off! Warn the Professor and try to get us out of here!”

When he reaches the ground floor, Nigel runs towards Violet, who is now out of her gunnery chair and heading towards him.

Well, the action is certainly picking up! Next episode, we’ll check up on Hercules (and Lavender, too), but first, not a poll, but a question from Your Humble Director…

So, what do you think of our tale so far? Praise or criticisms both equally welcome

Winslow The Hedgehog Needs A Mate

… so I reckon I’ll check the thrift stores

Blaaaaaah! Yesterday was one of the least physically pleasant days in recent memory. I felt like my guts were full of live snakes. All day! I didn’t really feel ok until about 10:00 last night, when I went to bed.

Anyway, here’s your Violet fix.

On The Road With Violet: Sir Rupert Rocks!

Hurrying towards the front of the turtle, Sir Rupert doesn’t evven slow down as he calls out to Nigel, high above in the gun turret.

“Going foreward, Trembly. Do try not to shoot me”

“Righto, Professor!” Nigel shouts back over the chatter of the machine gun.

Just before he reaches the neck entrance, Sir Rupert heads up a short stairway. In an alcove at the top, he quickly steps into a pair of odd looking shoes that slip on right over his boots. They seem to have small suction cups on them and the make a quiet “popopop” as he walks. Within a few steps, he comes to a door. Next to the door is a small rack full of swords. Taking one, Sir Rupert opens the door and steps out onto the turtles neck, where he finds himself facing four of the road pirates.

“Which one of you wants to taste steel first”, He says. “Come on boys, don’t be shy!”

A young pirate half Sir Rupert’s age leaps forward. This is harder than in looks, what with the entire turtle pitching about and the head weavving from side to side. As a result, the young man lands on his knees.

Sir Rupert looks down at him and says, “You’ll have to do better than that, mate”, before kicking him off of the turtle. Turning to the remaining three, he leaps at them, sword flashing and body weaving in a manner that belies his middle aged appearance.

A pirate comes in low swinging an axe. Sir Rupert leaps over the axe and slashes the pirate’s neck.

Another attacks with a frightful roar and flashing daggers in each hand. With a quick sidestep and a crack to the back of the head with his sword pommel, Sir Rupert sends him flying.

The final pirate is a bit older and wiser. He and Sir Rupert circle each other, then close with swords swinging. For two minutes, they strike, feint, parry and dodge with nary a hit.

“You’re bloody good.” The pirate says as he pants for breath.

“I was thinking just that about you.” Sir Rupert replies.

The pirate makes a sudden lunge, which scores a hit on the professor’s left side. Unfortunately for him, it also allows Sir Rupert to run him through. As the pirate collapses, Sir Rupert clutches his side and looks around. There, off to the side of the road, is the pirates wagon. It flies a red flag with the sillouette of a fox in its center.

He recognizes that flag.

“Ahoy, Captain Fox! How about you coming over here so we can settle this?”

A moment later, a large man appears atop the wagon. He begins to laugh.

Coconut Cream Chicken Pot Pie

…yum yum, it’s two dishes in one

On The Road With Violet: Turtle Raiders

As the turtle pitches about, everyone grabs hold of something to hold on to. Lavender, squealing in fear and anger, wedges herself under a chair.

Hercules, now fighting to retain control of the turtle, shouts, “We’re under attack! Looks like road pirates, Perfesser!”

“Bloody Hell!,” Sir Rupert exclaims as he begins heading down the hallway of the turtles neck. “Trembly, man the turret. Violet, come with me to the tail gun.”

Following Sir Rupert, Violet heads for the after section of the turtle, doing her best not to be thrown to her knees by the increasingly violent rocking. After a few minutes, they reach a strange looking sort of chair. It has hand grips, foot pedals and an odd looking helmet thing attached to it.

Quickly helping Violet into the chair, Sir Rupert begins fastening a restraining belt across her waist as he explains how to operate the tail gun.

“Right grip controls up and down. Left controls side to side. Pump your foot on the left pedal a few times to pressurize the gun, then push the right pedal down to fire. You’ll be able to see the entire rear area through the viewer. Good luck!”

With that, he runs back towards the front of the turtle, barking orders to Nigel and Hercules.

Pulling the helmet onto her head, Violet can now see the rear portion of of the turtle, including its 6 foot long tail. There are half a dozen men, all dressed in black, clinging to the turtles lower shell. They seem to be armed with large pistols of a type Violet has never seen before.

Violet begins to use the controls to manipulate the tail gun. As she does this, she pumps the left pedal until it will no longer move. Once the gun is pointing directly at one of the men, she stomps down on the right pedal.

“Oh my!,” Violet cries out as a gout of flame shoots from the turtle tail and turns the road pirate into a fireball. “That will show them!” Soon, she is flaming pirates right and left. After a couple of minutes, she has cleared off all of them.

The Flying Spanaducci Sisters

…Stella, Frieda, Maxine and Hortense

(Directors Note: Since the City of Glass tied with Earth As Seen From Space, I flipped a coin to determine the winner)

On The Road With Violet: Picture This

Upon seeing the photograph of the City of Glass, Violet leaps to her feet so that she may examine it closely. The picture is a bit out of focus, but it does indeed show the legendary city. It appears to have been taken from some distance away and at a rather high altitude.

Violet quickly turns to Sir Rupert. “Professor, is this the City of Glass? Did you take this photograph?”

Sir Rupert is a bit taken aback by Violet’s excitement, but he answers her. “Why, yes, that is the City of Glass, but I’m afraid I did not take the photo. It was taken by my Uncle William, who was an explorer of some note. I believe he took that one while on his expedition to the Short Forest of Calderoon.”

“Oh,” says Violet, “I don’t suppose he is still around, is he? I would very much like directions to the City of Glass from somebody who has actually been there.”

“No, my dear, my uncle lost along with all hands in a shipwreck 20 years ago.”

A bit bummed out, Violet returns to her chair. “Ah well,” she sighs, “I guess I’ll just keep looking. Sooner or later I’m just bound to find directions that will take me there.”

After a moments thought, Nigel speaks up. “Professor, weren’t all of your uncle’s journals and other papers donated to the Explorer’s Club after his death? Might Violet not find something useful among them?

Slapping his knee, Sir Rupert exclaims, “By George, Trembly, you’ve got a point there! Why, we’ll just send the Head Librarian a message saying that he should help Violet look through the notes. Violet, I’m thinking it won’t be too much longer before you have your directions!”

But before Violet can thank them, a terribly loud racket surprises them all and the turtle begins to rock back and forth rather alarmingly. Tea is spilled, things are knocked off of shelves and Lavender begins squealing.

A Small Glass Of Fruitwater

…with a big slice of fun

Ok, so every time I think I’m feeling better (and I’m not like, on death’s door or anything…just feeling drained, mostly), I sort of slip back. I suspect this weekend will find me sleeping and resting. Anyway, despite feeling like a mere shadow of my usual manly self, here’s the latest installment of Violets travels.

On The Road With Violet: Girl Talk

Violet thinks for a moment before replying. “That’s very kind of you, Professor. Give me a moment to discuss it with Lavender, please.”

Kneeling down and speaking in a low voice, Violet asks Lavender what she thinks of the idea.

“Grunt, grunt, squeal, squeal?”, says Lavender.

“Oh, no, I’m quite sure they wouldn’t have pork on the menu”, replies Violet.

“Oink, oink, grunt, oink?”

“Yes, I agree, a hot bath would be very nice.”

“Grunt, grunt, oink, squeal.”

“Oh, of course we would share a room.”

“Grunt, oink, grunt, grunt, oink, oink.”

“Right…fresh milk with potatoes in the morning…no alcohol…a hot water bottle in the bed. Anything else?”

“Oink, oink, grunt.”

“Just a moment and I’ll ask.” Violet turns toward Sir Rupert. “Excuse me, Professor, but do you by chance have any pigs on your estate?”

Sir Rupert nods.

“Well, Lavender, there you go. You can have a nice chat with some other lady pigs.”

“Squeal, grunt, squeal!”

“What? Gentleman pigs? But why…”

“Grunt, grunt, grunt, squeal!”

Violet blushes quite deeply. “Oh my, Lavender, aren’t you the saucy lass!”

“Squeal!”

Giggling (Violet) and squealing (Lavender), the two young friends rise and start walking towards Nelly, the Travel Terrapin.

“Professor”, Violet says, “we would be most happy to join you for dinner.”

Sir Rupert claps his hands together. “Excellent! right this way, ladies!”

After escorting them up into the turtle head/control room/sitting room, Sir Rupert gestures to Hercules and gives him the command to head for home.

Slowly, the turtles mouth closes and the whole machine begins to move with a rolling gait somewhat like a large slow moving draft horse. A few moments later, Nigel joins them, taking a seat opposite Violet. For the next few minutes, they chat and drink tea that Sir Rupert pours from a thermos into rather expensive looking teacups.

After about 10 minutes, Violet notices several pictures on the wall. Most of them show a much younger Sir Rupert in a variety of exotic looking places, but one shows something very surprising.

Bucky & Squint Enter The Amazon

…and the amazon quite enjoyed it

Naughty Doc! Bad boy!

Ok, so I fell asleep last night and didn’t post any Dociverse or Violet stuff. I shall try to make up for it tonight.

On The Road With Violet: Woah, Nelly!

It would not at all be overstating things to say that both Violet and Lavender star goggle eyed and slack jawed at what they see approaching them.

It’s a turtle as big as a house and all made up of steel, brass, copper and aluminium. Its huge feet are carrying it along at a brisk 10 miles an hour and its head, as large as a gypsy wagon, bobs gently up and down. All in all, it is a very impressive piece of work.

Returning to her senses, Lavender let’s out a loud squeal and runs off to hide behind Nigel.

Returning to her senses, Violet can only say, “Oh my. Am I to assume that is Nelly?”

Rocking back and forth on his heels and smiling like a proud father, Sir Rupert nods.

“Yes indeed, my dear, that is Nelly. She’s the first of what I like to call ‘Travel Terrapins’ and it was Trembly who came up with the original idea”

Nigel blushes a bit and nods.

“Oh, don’t be so humble, lad. It was a bleeding great idea, and one that I’ll wager will make us both rich.” He chuckles a bit at that statement and gives Violet a wink. “We inventors tend to go through money at rather an alarming rate, or so my accountant tells me.”

As Nelly gets even closer, Nigel once again plays a short unmelodic tune and the huge turtle takes a few more slow steps, then stops and lowers its head. As soon as the head touches the ground, the mouth opens, revealing a short set of steps leading into a very comfy looking combination sitting room/pilot house. A very small, very hairy man is seated at the controls.

“G’day, Perfesser!” He says in a surprisingly deep voice.

“Good day, Hercules! Trembly and I will have things loaded up no time.” With that, Sir Rupert and Nigel grab opposite ends of the fying suit and carry it up the turtle’s mouth, through its head and down its hallway sized throat. After a couple of minutes, Sir Rupert returns and walks up to Violet.

“Violet, it would be my very great pleasure to invite you and Lavender to dinner at my home. I can promise you a lovely dinner and no hanky panky from any of us stodgy old bachelors. What say you?”

Squeaky Clean Evil Gamemasters

…as opposed to the dirty stinky kind

On The Road With Violet: On The Air

“The conquest of the air? Why, I thought the great airships had conquered the air.”, Violet says in reply to Sir Rupert’s little speech. She can’t help noticing that both Sir Rupert and Nigel are quite good looking men, each in his own way. Both are tall, with Sir Rupert being a bit taller. His curly blonde hair is quite unruly and his blue eyes sparkle with both humor and that mildly mad dedication all scientists seem to possess. His mouth looks like it was made for smiling and talking at great length. All told, he reminds Violet very much of somebody’s uncle who is great fun at parties.

Nigel, on the other hand, is very much the picture of a Serious Young Man. A somewhat nervous Serious Young Man…with very nice dark hair that hangs to his shoulders…and deep brown eyes…and a mouth that looks like it would be very kissable.

At that thought, Violet blushes a bit.

“The great airships? The great bleeding airships?” Sir Rupert looks positively scandalized. “My dear Violet, while it is true that the invention of the airship allowed mankind to voyage into the air, saying that those great wallowing gasbags conquered the air is poppycock!”

Nigel steps next to Violet and whispers, “Oh, now you’ve set him off.”

Sir Rupert begins pacing back and forth, in a way that reminds Violet of her old teacher, Mr. Friddle. He stops for a moment and looks Violet in the eye.

“Have you ever watched birds flying about?” Before Violet can answer, he answers for her. “Of course you have! We all have! Since prehistoric times, man has envied birds and their ability to fly. Not float along on the wind like some great soap bubble, but fly, with all the freedom in the world! Well, my flying suit will allow we humans to share that same freedom.”

Violet has to admit, Sir Rupert is a stirring speaker.

“Oh, it sounds quite wonderful, sir. I would very much like to be able to fly like a bird.”, Violet exclaims.

Sir Rupert leans over and gives Violet a big smile. “Well, once I get the suit perfected, I’ll let you give it a try. Now, Trembly, if you’d be so good as to blow the whistle and summon Nelly, we’ll load up the suit and head back to the workshop.”

“Straightaway, Professor!”, Nigel replies as he pulls what looks like a small flute from his pocket. He blows a short and not very melodic tune from it, then goes to help Sir Rupert carry the flying suit to the roadside.

About two minutes later, Violet hears something coming down the road.

The Great High Speed Downhill No Brakes Disintegrating Wagon Ride

…which I survived, tho not unscathed

On The Road With Violet: Fly By Knight

Violet is walking down the road, trying to guess the name of her new traveling companion.

“Katrina?”

The pig gives an negative grunt.

“Kelly? Kim? Lily? Lucy?”

Grunt, grunt, grunt, grunt.

“Well, am I at least close to the right letter?”

The little pig gives an affirmative squeal.

“Hmmm…alright…Lana? Lois? Laverne?”

The pig grunts twice, then makes a sort of strange semi-squeal.

“Ah ha!”, says Violet in a rather triumphant manner, “Does it sound like Laverne?”

The pig squeals and nods.

“Hmmm…how about Lavender?”

Immediately, the pig begins squealing in joy and jumping about.

“Well, Miss Lavender, I’m quite glad to finally know your name. Now, what do you say to having a sit down and a bite to eat by the river’s edge?”

Lavender nods enthusiastically and follows Violet to a spot by the riverside, under a small oak tree. From out of her bag, Violet produces some bread, cheese, jam and a bottle of blueberry soda. Soon, the two friends are snacking away and cooling off from the rising daytime temperature.

As they are finishing up their meal and discussing the merits of a short nap, they hear a man coming up the road, yelling at the top of his lungs.

“Aim for the riverside, Professor! I’ll be there straightaway!”

They then hear a second voice, coming from the sky.

“Righto, Trembly! Do have the first aid kit ready. This looks to be a bit of a rough one!”

Violet and Lavender first look down the road, where they see a young man running for all he is worth in their direction. Then, looking up, they see what looks like a man with huge flapping wings spiraling downward towards a spot near their tree.

Lavender grunts a very puzzled grunt.

“I agree”, Violet replies, “This is most strange. But rather exciting, too, don’t you think?”

Lavender oinks in a way that says she’s not sure how exciting it is, but is certainly is strange.”

Within moments, the flying man crashes to earth. Seconds later, the young man reaches him and helps him out of what looks like some sort of clockwork powered flying suit. He then begins applying ointment and bandages to the older man’s injuries. All the while, the not too badly damaged fellow is speaking enthusiastically about what the view was like and how well things went.

Overcome with curiosity, Violet, followed closely by Lavender, walks over to speak with them.

“Good day, sirs. My name is Violet Thistledown and this is my friend, Lavender. May we ask what it is you’re doing?”

Leaping to his feet, the older man bows and introduces himself.

“My dear young lady, I am Sir Rupert Poppington, Professor of Clockwork Technology. This young fellow is my assistant, Nigel Trembly. As to what we are doing, well, that is nothing more nor less than the conquest of the air!”

Antimatter Just Like Mom Used To Make

…homebaked goodness for your warp drive

On The Road With Violet: Pig Out

For a few minutes Violet walks along as if nothing is amiss. Then, suddenly, she spins around to face whoever is following her.

There, in the grass at the side of the road, she sees a small red pig. Both she and the young swine are caught by surprise for a moment. For Violet’s part, well, one seldom finds oneself being followed by pigs. The pig, on the other hand, has come to learn that when humans suddenly turn to face you, it can mean a long chase and a quick return to the pig pen…or worse.

After a moment’s silence, Violet speaks up.

“Well, hello there. I’m sorry if I startled you, but you were giving me a bit of the creeps, following me all stealthily like that. My name is Violet and I’m pleased to meet you.”

Now, it may well seem odd to most of us to strike up a conversation with a pig. After all, it’s not the sort of thing that most people (pig farmers excepted, of course) would do. However, Violet is determined not to be bound by conventionality, so chatting up a pig is not all that strange for her.

The pig steps out of the grass and Violet can see that it is a young female, weighing around 50 pounds. After approaching to within 5 feet of Violet, the pig gives forth with a few grunts and a subdued squeal, then curtsies. Violet, who was taught good manners by her Granny Ingrid, curtsies back.

“My, what a well mannered young lady you are”, she says to the pig. “Would you like to travel along with me? I’d enjoy someone to talk to, and we girls probably shouldn’t travel alone.”

The pig nods and then she and Violet set off down the road. After a minute or so, Violet says “So, Miss Pig, what is your name? I suppose I’ll have to guess, since I don’t speak Swinish. Is it Alice?”

The pig shakes her head.

“Ann?”

Another shake.

Doing The Cruise Night Beer Toss

…Marysville/Yuba City, summer,1970

On The Road With Violet: Take Me To The River

As she sets off down the southern road, Violet cannot help but think about how the clueless folks of her village were no help at all when it came to finding out where the City of Glass actually was.

“Far to the north.”, said Mr. Crinkleglass, the owner of the used food shop. “I knew a feller whose cousin went there once, 40 years ago. Claimed to have seen a two headed dog there.”

“It’s off in the western hills, dearie.”, purred Miss Jessamine, the sporting house lady. “They say that at night, bands of roving savages gather around to gaze upon it’s beauty.”

Mr. Guppy, the town drunk, allowed as how he thought the City of Glass was off in a great desert that might be “kinda south easty from here…on the other side of a big mountain range.”

Indeed, the best advice she got on finding it came from her own Granny Ingrid. “Well, Vi, we know it’s out there somewhere.”, she had said while making a blisterberry pie. “So I reckon if a body walked far enough, sooner or later they’d just walk right into it.”

And so, armed with her Granny’s sage advice, Violet sets a nice easy pace and enjoys the beauty of the river and the springtime sounds of the birds in the trees.

After walking a couple of miles, Violet gets the distinct feeling that she is being followed.

It’s All Fun And Games Until Someone Gets Stabbed In The Spleen

…spleens = comedy gold

Doc Starts A New LJ Project

Ok, so I’m gonna try my hand at a bit of “storytelling via LJ poll”. I will freely admit to being inspired by robin_d_laws most excellent Angels & Operators, as well as the lingering effects of watching an hour long tv piece about Terry Gilliam and his films. The format is familiar to those of you who have been reading my blog this past year, so let’s dive in.

On The Road With Violet

One day in May, young Violet Samantha Ingrid Thistledown decides to leave home and go to the great City of Glass, about which she has heard fantastic tales all her life. So, packing up some food, a change of clothes, a few personal items and all of the money in her (not at all wicked, but dumb as a bag full of doorknobs) stepmother’s purse, she steps out of her front door.

After a short walk through the village, she comes to a crossroads. Since she has no idea at all where the City of Glass actually is, she decides that one road is as good as the next.