The Ten Blue Budgies Escape From Prison

…using shoelaces, a can of creamed corn and a newt

Pets Are Screwy

I have owned many pets in my life. Dogs, cats, hamsters, guinea pigs, dwarf rabbits, rats, mice and a plethora of other species. I have known even more pets that belonged to family and friends. One thing I’ve learned about pets, at least the mammalian ones, is that they are screwy. Goofy. Nutty. Wacky.

Some examples:

My dog, Winker, will flop down on the floor and, after a minute or so, begin to moan and whine at a near inaudible level. After a couple of minutes, the whining gets louder. At about the 4 minute mark, she jumps up and starts growling and woofing at stuff nobody else can see. There’s nothing wrong with her physically, she’s just screwy.

A friend had a cat named Gus. Gus would climb up on something, ranging from a footstool to the top of a high bookshelf, and lie down. Ok, pretty normal catlike behavior…except that he would then begin to lick himself…moving a bit closer to the edge with each lick…until he invariably fell off. I reckon in his long (like, 18 years) life, he must have fallen off stuff a thousand times.

Another friend had a cat that would suddenly leap up from a sound sleep, stare at a spot a few inches in front of it, yowl loudly and then run like hell for the opposite end of the room…where it would promptly fall back to sleep.

My pet rabbit, Mr. Bunny Rabbit, who shared my apartment (with Pig Pig the guinea pig, Gandalf the parrot and Larry, Moe and Curly the hamsters) back in the late 70’s, would sometimes run full tilt around his large pen. After 5 or 6 laps, he would stop, catch his breath, then attempt to have vigorous sex with his red rubber ball.

My cousin used to have a large dog that would fall asleep with his head buried under a pile of dirty laundry. This same dog would also spend the better part of an hour trying to curl up and sleep in a cat bed that was about 5 sizes too small for him.

So, if you own a pet, what screwy things do they do?