…on somebody else’s nickel
The Doclopedia #69
Pigs Is Pigs: Fred Finster, Wereboar
In 1993, while on an ill advised vacation in rural Georgia, Fred Finster, age 30 and an insurance salesman by trade, was attacked by a huge wild boar. The creature managed to bite him several times before being shot by a local hunter. Mr. Finster was taken to a local hospital in serious condition. He was stabilized, then airlifted to a better medical facility in Macon, where doctors commented that his wounds weren’t nearly as bad as they had been lead to believe.
Two days later, Fred left the hospital and Georgia with not the slightest trace of a wound.
One week after that, back home in a suburb of Boston, Fred Finster changed into a 700 pound wild boar and went on a rampage that left property damaged, pets terrified and three homeless men & a 17 year old drug dealer dead. The police blamed it on gang activity, even though they had no explanation why or how a gang ripped up 9 peoples yards and apparently ate several hundred pounds of vegetation. CSI reports that huge porcine hoof prints and boar hairs were found at every location and on/near the murder victims were not made public.
It didn’t take Fred long to figure out that waking up filthy dirty and bloody, along with muddy hoof prints morphing into his own footprints, equaled deep shit with him in it. After calling in sick to work, he cleaned himself and his house. After that, he went to the library and read up on lycanthropy. After that, he got in his car and drove way out into the woods in a state park.
He awoke the next morning about a mile from his car. The ground for yards around him looked like it had been rototilled by a dozen drunken gardeners. Trees as thick as a 16 inched were toppled over and not far away he found a park rangers hat. Under it, he found the rangers head. He couldn’t find the rest of the ranger.
Since that day, Fred has worked as a traveling insurance investigator. He found out that he only turns into a wereboar for three days out of the month, during the full moon, so on those days, he goes way out into the wilderness where he usually can’t hurt anyone.
Fred had tried to kill himself 37 times, starting with silver bullets, but nothing he has tried kills him. He’s saving up his money for a couple of diamond bullets which he will have blessed by holy men of all the major religions.
The Doclopedia #65
Pigs Is Pigs: Iron Ham
Name: Porky Stark
Beliefs: I must fight evil using my power armor. I must lay off the booze. I must try to get Pepper in the sack.
Porky Stark was a gazillionaire playboy and inventor when one day, some Evil Terrorists blew up his lab. Porky lived, but had a piece of shrapnel lodged in his butt. It was impossible to remove, so Porky said “Screw this! I’m gonna build some power armor and kick the ass of every Bad Guy I see”.
And so he did and does.