Congratulations, Mr. Obama

…you did it

Well dip me in salsa and call me a corn chip, Obama WON!!!!!

And many Republican politicians are soon to be out of a job.

Mr. O, you go kick ass and take names, ok? Do a good job and we’ll all be here for ya in 2012.

Fuck me if I have not lived through some American history.

The Flying Spanaducci Sisters Raise Hell

…and put a jack under it

I’m about halfway drunk here, but I shan’t let that stop me from a bit of political blogging.

So far, my man O is kicking ass on McBush. YAY!
Al Franken is ahead in the Minnesota Senate race.
Apparently, God decided not to vote for Elizabeth Dole.
The Dems are increasing their Senatorial lot.


More later, when I’m REALLY greased.

The Eyeball People Are Waiting For You

…they’re made up of scary eyeballs

A series of short emails from this morning (some names changed for security reasons)

From: Padawangirl
To: Doccross

Good morning, Master Yoda! Don’t forget to vote today!

From: Doccross
To: Padawangirl

Hi! Yes, I’ll be voting when Grace comes home for lunch. How goes it?

From: Padawangirl
To: Doccross

It goes well. The new biz is making money and I’m feeling better than ever. I’ll feel even better once the conservatives get their asses handed to them. I wish I could see my parents faces when Obama wins.

From: Doccross
To: Padawangirl

Hahaha! Yes, I reckon your folks will shit themselves. Glad to here the biz is doing well. And yes, I will also be doing the happy dance when the neocon scum are crushed beneath our heels. Soon, the Evil Empire of Darth Cheney will be a thing of the past.

From: Padawangirl
To: Doccross

LOL Careful, old one, or you might get too excited:-) I have to go now. Appointment with a new client. Take care of yourself and don’t drink too much celebrating.

From: Doccross
To: Padawangirl

Old? Respect you have not, young whippersnapper. Have fun and send me all the details soon. Bye.

Under The Onion Tree

…and other stories

Stuff: The Next Generation

1: Hey, you wacky gamers out there! Dundracon is 108 days away and pre-reg goes up to $40.00 in 4 days. If you are going and haven’t pre-regged, go do it. If you aren’t sure if you are going, just let me say: Have you lost your mind? Of course you should go!

2: One week until the election! One week until no more fucking political ads for at least several months! ONE MORE WEEK UNTIL I CAN LAUGH MANIACALLY AT EVERY REPUBLICAN I MEET!

3: My veggie garden is going along nicely, now that the spinach is cooperating and finally sprouting up. The lettuce (at least 5 varieties) is kicking into high gear and I foresee some yummy baby greens on the dinner table about Saturday.

4: The latest Brewerton Village Poll is now closed. I shall post one more poll in a day or two, then sometime next week I’ll write up our little village here for all to see.

5: Although the new television season has, by and large, failed to excite me, I must say that Heroes is getting more interesting by the episode. Despite that, I sincerely hope the series writers/directors/producers will do things differently next season. and by differently, I mean No More Save The World, No More New Characters, No More Deaths That Don’t Stick and No More Goddamn Time Travelling (and yes, that includes Hiro).

6: As I have stated previously, the odds of my going to GenCon in 2009 are somewhat worse than my winning the lottery. On the other hand, since GenCon 2010 will be the 20th anniversary of my first GenCon, I will be there. Filled with such certainty, and being a fellow renowned for his advance planning (as well as his wildass spur of the moment non-planning), I have been considering some amusing pastimes for myself and my gaming pals that year. More on this as the months roll by.

7: There is no #7, because I’m going to go have a snack.

Blue Goats

…but not clinically depressed goats


1: So, walking meltdown John McCain decided to “suspend” his presidential campaign to rush back to Washington and help stave off our imminent economic collapse. That is, if by “rush” you mean stay in New York long enough to do an interview with Katie Couric and then appear at the Clinton Initiative thing today. Come on, McBush, just fucking admit that you are A: afraid to debate Mr. Obama B: REALLY afraid to have that skank Palin debate Joe Biden C: unable to do two things at once D: melting down.

2: I got the October issue of Alarums & Excursions yesterday and it is issue #397. That means the January issue will be #400. I really need to get a zine into that one.

3: I’ve been watching the new series Fringe and I’m finding it rather boring. It’s like X-Files with a more coherent (and more predictable) conspiracy, much less interesting protagonists (except the crazy scientist dude, who is a hoot) and no cool mutants/supernatural shit. Maybe I’d like it better if I worshipped at the Church of J.J. Abrams, but I don’t. I may or may not watch any more episodes.

4: The bigass 2 hour premiere of Heroes was good, but seemed in many ways like a retread of season 1. I mean, saving the world from destruction is all well and good, but how about just having a good old superhero vs supervillain slugfest for a few episodes? And the time travel thing? Officially over done. Oh, and how about having just one person, good or evil, die and FUCKING STAY DEAD? I will watch this season all the way thru, but unless things get really interesting and fresh, I may nor return for season 4.

They Arrived Just In Time For The Monkfish Festival

…and stayed until after the big Dung Fair

Oy, I haven’t been Mr. post-O-matic lately, have I? Well, here is some new stuff, in the form of Open Letters.

Dear Fall,

I know you’re feeling a bit put out with me, seeing as how in the past I’ve let my bitter hatred of Winter taint our relationship. I’m sorry about that. You’re not all that bad, really. After all, now that you are here, I can grow spinach again, as well as other tasty veggies. I can take Daisy on long walks during the middle of the day without worrying about her suffering from the heat. You start killing off some of my Hated Enemy, the Weeds, and you chase away many bad bugs.

All told, you’re OK, Fall. Pity you can’t just segue straight into Spring.

Best wishes for unseasonable warmth,


Mr. Bush and Mr. Cheney,

Just a reminder that I want to see you two impeached, tried and sent to jail for the rest of your miserable fucking lives.

Hoping you get cancer,

A Proud Liberal Veteran

Dear Mr. Obama,

Seeing as how your first debate with McCain is coming up, I just thought I’d give you a few suggestions.

1: Hammer the shit out of him on his past voting record regarding the armed forces and veterans.
2: Keep reminding everyone that he (via his wife’s millions) is a rich elitist out of touch old fart.
3: Try to get him to lose his temper. This would serve the dual purpose of having him do your work for you, plus supplying a comedy goldmine for late night/Comedy Central talk show hosts. Bonus points (and bonus votes) if you can get him mad enough to call you “nigger”, “coon” or “boy”.
4: Have a “slip of the tongue” once or twice and call him “Mr. Bush”.
5: Use his piss poor understanding of the economy to bitchslap him all over that stage.
6: Do everything you can to reinforce the reasons many Republicans won’t be voting for him. Mostly, this should involve praising him for all of those times he’s sided with the Democrats.

Wishing you the best of luck,

One of your supporters

More Bloggage Later

Mexican Jenny Meets The King Of San Diego

…she must have liked him, cos she titty flashed him


1: Dear Senator McCain,
Recently, one of your rightwing nutcase bloggers spoke disparagingly about Dungeons & Dragons and, by extension, all roleplaying gamers. I do not hold you personally responsible for this, since I’m pretty sure you consider it a good day when you can remember how to wipe your own ass. Still, if you could have the young fellow show up at some gaming convention soon, my tribe and myself will gladly shove a large sack of polyhedral dice up his ass.


Doc Cross, Liberal Democrat Gamer

PS: A few hints on your campaign ads…

1: Stop pimping your POW status. the young folks don’t care and the armed forces members (and most of the rest of us) are sick of it.

2: Most Republicans hate you. No, really, your name might as well be Clinton.

3: On ther ads where you or your smear doctors mention Mr. Obama, why not just cut to the chase and say “Pleeeeaaase vote for me, because Barack Obama is a NEGRO!”

4: Never, ever try to be funny again. It makes everyone but you very uncomfortable.

5: Depends are on sale at Target. Just sayin’.

We Still Like Monkeys

…as long as they don’t fling poo


1: It seems that Wizards of the Coast is gonna shut down the official D&D social networking site, the awfully named Gleemax. I’m thinking this was partly based on bean counting and partly on the fact that there are roughly 47 zillion ways for gamers to socially network via the interwebs.

2: Our sweet and rowdy little Winkerdog is feeling much better after a visit to the vet for her latest bout of ear infection. She is on Prednisone for the inflammation, then, starting tomorrow, she’ll get twice daily treatments with Otamax to get rid of that nasty old yeast.

3: The pork chops in wine and herbs that I made last night were so good, Grace and I did the Happy food Dance.

4: Speaking of dancing, a Secret Reader of this LJ has asked if there is a FOOOOD FOORRR DOOGGGGGSSSS! dance to accompany the song that I posted here some time ago. Yes, there is. No, you’ll never get to see it.

5: I informed The Lady Of The House that we will be going to GenCon in 2010, since that will mark the 20th anniversary of me meeting most of my best gaming friends. I fully plan on bustin’ out big time that year with my pals. Let Indianapolis be forewarned:)

6: As for GenCon 2009, right now, I’d say it’s 80% no go. That could change if I get a job, win the lotto or decide to start robbing from the rich and keeping it for myself.

7: Usually, by this time, I’m gettin’ sick of the presidential race. However, this time, my optimism about Mr. Obama and my cackling laughter at the McCain Clusterfuck Express have combined to make all this political horseshit much more tolerable. I expect this will change by September.

And now, I’m off to do about 248 chores. More blogging later.

Ok, So We Like Monkeys Again

…but only the nice monkeys

Concerning the recent elections…

To the Republicans: Don’t let the door hit you in the ass, LOSERS!

To the Democrats: Do not fuck this chance up!

To President Bush and his gang of thugs: Prepare to become somebodies bitch.

To the American People: You are, by and large, still dimwitted sheep, but you managed to do the right thing this time.

To Governor Boobengrabber of California: I sincerely hope you fuck up so we can put a recall election smackdown on your ass.

And now…

The Doclopedia #91

The Undead: Bob Anderson, Vegetarian Vampire


Bob is NOT a vegetarian. He does, however, have to feed on the blood of vegetarians. Vegan’s blood is the best, but the blood of regular vegetarians is ok. Nothing pisses Bob off as much as accidentally biting a “cheater” who sneaks meat when nobody is watching.

Bob became a vampire when he was bitten by an ex-girlfriend who ran a vegetarian restaurant in Half Moon Bay, California. Now, he hangs out at trendy veggie eateries in his home town of New York City. He particularly likes vegetarians who frequent Indian and Thai restaurants. Mmmmm…spicy.

Bob is a 34 year old white guy with light brown hair, brown eyes and a slender build. His day job is being a stockbroker. His favorite music is jazz. His favorite food is busty redheaded vegans.

The Doclopedia #92

The Undead: Hammy Hamster

When the late and not at all lamented Dr. Emil Von Gruber was doing his first experiments in raising the dead, back in 1809, he started out by experimenting on various small animals. He killed them via insertion into an all nitrogen atmosphere, them immediately tried his “Reanimation Bath”. In most cases, he failed, but his final experiment on small animals was a success. He reanimated a Russian dwarf hamster. Deliriously happy, the doctor moved on to cats & dogs and, eventually, humans.

That, as we all know, ended in fire and explosions and Von Gruber being burned alive along with all of his monstrous creations. Except for the hamster, who had escaped weeks earlier and run off into the woods.

For decades, the hamster made it’s way across western Europe, finally ending up in France in 1887. It was there that he was found by a little girl who put him in a cage and fed him very tasty seeds, nuts and berries. Life was good, so he did not try to escape. In 1890, the family moved to the United States, eventually settling in California wine country. In 1898, as the little girl became distracted by boys and such, she began to neglect caring for Hammy (which was his name now), so he escaped.

For the next 70 years, Hammy roamed across Northern California. Since his reanimation had given him not only a very high healing rate, but strength far beyond his size, predators were not much of a problem. Well, unless you were a wildlife biologist wondering what had eaten it’s way OUT of a fox or bobcat or coyote.

In 1968, Hammy was wandering through San Francisco when he was found by a stoned hippie named Axel. Axel thought the little guy was cute and cool, so he took him home and set him up in a nice big aquarium and feed him well. Hammy liked that and remained Axel’s pet for 30 years. Axel was stoned most of that time and it never occurred to him that Hammy had far outlived any regular hamster.

Eventually, Hammy got bored and escaped. You see, living nearly 200 years had also let him get a bit smarter that other hamsters. He wanted to get back to the great outdoors.

As of this writing, Hammy is down around Santa Cruz, living in the woods. He is 197 years old and just barely beginning to show some aging. He will probably not live more than another 80 years.

The Left Hand Of Dog

…or is that paw?

Random Thoughts That Fell Outta My Brain

I always love the last few weeks before a big election, even moreso now that I am merely an amused observer. These cycles where the Republicans are in decline are the most entertaining, since they combine exposure of GOP corruption/hypocrisy with their desperation to not lose power. The Repubs go nuts trying to draw the public’s attention away from their myriad fuckups, but that just makes the inevitable new fuckups shine brightly.

The Democrats are less interesting this time around, since they seem to have learned to shut the fuck up (John Kerry notwithstanding) and let the Repubs hold a foot shooting contest.

I must say though, that the real circus will start up the day after election day, when poll watchers and others start raising issues about any questionable results from electronic voting machines and vote tampering by GOP flunkies. That should really start up a shitstorm.

Of course, once the Dems take control (which is not 100% certain, because the American People are such easily confused sheep), the real fun will start. Let’s look at a short list.

1: Subpoena fest will begin! Might be wise to build a new prison or two.

2: The Fairness Doctrine will be smacked down on talk radio and Fox Network (and all other radio & tv). Make no mistake, the broadcasting Righties fear this above all else.

3: Oversight on Iraq will return. See Subpoena fest above.

4: Bush and his cronies will see Hell unleashed upon them. There may not be an impeachment, but they might wish there was.

5: The oil & energy companies will get investigated, regulated…maybe even emasculated

6: The Religious Right will no doubt get investigated

7: Our overworked and under supported troops will get reassigned out of Iraq.

Yeah, that’s all gonna be some fun to watch. Of course, if I were the Dems, I’d make full use of the tools the Repubs have set up:) I doubt they will, though, since they just don’t have the balls to pull off that much poetic justice.

But, whatever comes next week, the next couple of days are gonna be comedy gold. And I’ll be laughing long & loud.

The Kitty Cats Go To The GAMA Trade Show

…to debut their new RPG, Litterbox: The Pooping

Uncle Doc’s Weekend

Actually, it was a semi-lazy weekend. Too windy/rainy/cold to work in the garden and we are too post-DunDraCon broke to do much else. But chores were done, movies on the telly were watched, tasty meals were eaten, computing and writing were done…and smooching…mustn’t forget the smooching. All in all, nothing cool and incredible to report.

On Politics

As I have mentioned before, I am no longer an active participant in the political process. I gave it a try, from about 1990 to 2004, but then I came back to my senses. Still, after nearly a decade and a half of being a good citizen and voting and stuff, it sometimes gets hard to keep my distance. For example, now that the braindead masses can only shrug off about HALF of the insane shit the Bush/Cheney Mob have/are done/doing, it looks like there just might be a swing back to the left soon. I was thinking about this the other day and began thinking that maybe I should vote again.

A little voice in my head said “Doc, what if YOUR vote was the one it took to defeat the neocon scum, kick the left in the ass and save us all from a rapidly approaching slide into nationwide…even WORLDWIDE…anarchy and chaos? What if YOUR vote did that?”

At which point, I thanked the little voice for reminding me what was important…and put all thought of voting out of my mind. I feel much better now.

On Gaming

Point 1: I’ve taken a break from working on my Next Big Roleplaying Idea, but I’ll get back to it soon. The ideas came thick and fast, now it’s time to let them ferment before rendering them into a tasty drink for the roleplaying imagination.

Point 2: For those of you who missed it the last 6 or 7 times, I will be attending the maiden voyage of Conquest Sac on April 7-9. I’ll be running a TOON game, an Over The Edge game and hosting a seminar titled “Ok, So Tell Us About Your Character”. When I’m not doing that, I’ll be hitting the Dealer’s Room, the Flea Market, trying to play some games, chewing the fat with other gamers from the Big Tomato and checking out the movies and anime. If you come to the con, look me up.

Point 3: Speaking of the abovementioned con, it will be just about the cheapest con I’ve ever attended. Well, not counting all those years I snuck into Pacificon using forged badges:) Still, Conquest Sac, being about a 12 minute freeway drive from my house, will be very inexpensive for me. No hotel, most of my meals eaten at home or made at home and taken with me, very little gas used…given my recent reluctance to buy much of a game nature, I’m thinking this con will set me back less than $100.00

As opposed to the proposed GenCon 2007 trip which could well top $3,500.00 and will take about 18-19 days from start to finish.

And now, Uncle Doc is off to read webcomics and work on the Kingdom Building Game.

Burned By The Rays Of A Sunny Disposition

Update on Sunday: Grace put off her Mothers Day dinner until this Friday, cos we were both tired.

Health update: The methotrexate is still whipping the ass of my psoriasis AND it ain’t killing me yet. Unfortunately, the fact that I can’t have alcohol while on this drug means that I’m craving beer like crazy.

Political Update: Conservative Republicans are still Evil, Moderate Republicans are still misguided, Democrats are still semispineless, Far Left Democrats are still mostly detached from harsh reality, Independents still want the best of both worlds but nobody gives a fuck.

Garden Update: The veggies are getting ready to take off like a ruptured duck. Lilies are starting to bloom, sunflowers are a mile high and in bloom, Asters, daylilies and all the daisies are popping out all over. The butterfly bush is already 3 feet tall and in bloom. My blue festuca grass clumps are, for the first time, flowering like crazy. And I STILL haven’t gotten my potatos planted.

Dog Update: Roscoe is still healthy, still spoiled and still convinced that he is just a short human in a fur coat.