The Rare and Beautiful Snarky Pigeon Of Potawango Island

…beautiful plumage, but they can be annoying.

 

365 DAYS, 365 POSTS #6

The Doclopedia #1216

Potion Recipes: The Most Exalted Potion Of Summoning D’Lorkuu And Smiting One’s Enemies

What You Will Require

16 slaves, preferably Hinokans of the smeem caste

1 liver from an adult male CleTak beast

43 small, yet fully ripe vaa berries

3 gallons of water blessed by the Most High Mother of the Third Church of Yot

A small bit of flesh from one of the enemies threatening your city

7 dried and prepared yunk eels

One large (at least 30 gallons) Jijidian spellcasting cauldron

Preparation

Mark 4 of your less desirable slaves with red paint

Order half of your slaves to place the cauldron in a spot where your advancing enemies can be observed. While they are doing this, the other slaves must sing and dance in praise of D’Lorkuu.

Remove all of your clothing, have one of your apprentices smear your entire body with Lotion of R’rakk, then don the ceremonial Robes of Summoning.

While you recite the epic poem “D’Lorkuu Eats The Face Of Masdeenops” and your slaves wail in fear, pour the water into the cauldron. When this is done crumble into it the yunk eels and the vaa berries.

After ordering your slaves to assume the Blessed Position Of Summoning, drop in the liver and say the Dread Words of D’Lorkuu.

The water should increase fivefold in volume, then assume a thick consistency. Order the slaves marked in red into the cauldron while you praise them for their sacrifice.

As they dissolve, sing the Fifth Song Of War and toss in the bit of your enemies flesh.

Along with your remaining slaves, run very quickly away from the cauldron. You must be at least a half mile away when, in 5 minutes, D’Lorkuu appears.

Once you are safe, give thanks to D’Lorkuu as he slays and consumes your enemies, then immediately start preparing The Most Exalted Potion Of Banishing D’Lorkuu.

Houses Of the Horny

…Led Zeppelin’s first idea for a title

365 DAYS, 365 POSTS #3

The Doclopedia #1,215

Potion Recipes: Potion Of Truth

Note: This potion will cause anyone who drinks it to tell nothing but the truth for up to 12 hours. This can end up having repercussions that last decades.

Start off by combining 3 pints of pure spring water, a good handful of butterfly dust and a dried and ground up unicorn ear. Stir well and add in 1 pint of cream, a pinch of ground angel feather and a small pearl.

Allow the potion to simmer until it is reduced to about half a pint, then strain into a glass vial made by a female glassblower. Cork it up and place it on a shelf until it has achieved a bright yellow color (about 2 weeks). At this point it is ready to use

Not In This Post: Vitamin D, Sexy Nightwear Or Zebus

…sorry, zebu lovers

The Doclopedia #120

Potions: Elixir of Healing

 

For our final entry of Potions Week, I must apologize for not mentioning our sponsors, the United Potion and Foods Company, earlier.

 

 

Ingredients

2 cups of water
1 pinch of salt
1 three ounce packet of Mrs. Fondleduck’s Instant Healing Potion

In a clean kettle made from the neck skin of an Ancient Red Dragon, bring the water to a boil.

Add salt and Mrs. Fondleduck’s Instant Healing Potion

Read the handy chant printed on every packet of Mrs. Fondleduck’s Instant Healing Potion while stirring gently for 1 minute.

Allow to cool for 10 minutes, then drink down quickly.

For a festive holiday look, while the potion is boiling you can add 1 four ounce can of Uncle Loco’s Chopped Red & Green Jalapeno Chili Peppers.

The Demon Children Are Under Your House

…time to move

The Doclopedia #119

Potions: Potion of Incredible Luck

 

 

Ingredients

2 six sided dice carved from the thigh bone of a gambler who died of old age
11 drops of blood from a drunken crapshooter
1 gold coin that has been used to win at least 9 bets
An IOU, for honest winnings, from an Ispedalian PoetKing
3 ounces of essence of nightfairy dust
A handkerchief stained by the lipstick of Lady Luck
1 quart of viper venom
1 quart beef stock

Grind the dice into a fine powder, then mix with the crapshooter blood and the nightfairy dust essence.

Slowly pour in the viper venom and the beef stock.

Build a fire from decks of old playing cards and busted pool cues

Bring slowly to a boil while singing “House Of The Rising Sun”

Boil for 5 minutes

Add the coin, the IOU and the handkerchief

Stir clockwise 52 times

Cool, strain, drink it all in under an hour. Effects last for 30 days.

Whack A Gnoll!

…the new & fun carnival game

 

The Doclopedia #118

Potions: Polymorph Potion

 

Ingredients

1 quart ocean water, taken from at least 5 miles out from the shore and during a storm.
1 quart of steam taken from water thrown onto a red hot iron plate
6 drops of doppleganger blood
1 teaspoon essence of illusion
1 small, live octopus
1 small, live chameleon
A pinch of the hair, fur, feathers or scales of the being or creature you mean to imitate

In a clean cauldron made of iron, bring the water to a boil.

Add the steam, doppleganger blood and essence of illusion.

Continue to boil for as long as it takes you to sing “The Lumberjack Song”

Remove from heat and let cool for 7 minutes, then stir rapidly while adding the octopus and chameleon.

After 3 minutes of stirring, place back on heat.

Boil for 5 more minutes while you are dressed as the opposite sex.

Remove from heat and allow to cool.

Once cool, pour into glasses (while straining out the octopus & chameleon) and each person should then add the pinch of fur, hair, feathers or scales.

Drink quickly, since it all must be consumed and it tastes quite nasty.