The Happy Go Lucky, But Still Somewhat Creepy, Story of Mostly Purple Patty And The Road Trip To Saugus To Visit Uncle Ferd.

…co-starring her little brother, Very Green Gary


Random Stuff

1: Besides being hotter than 14 motherfuckers here in Northern California, the air is totally shitty with smoke from several fires.

2: The heat waves we have had off and on played hell with my garden. The squash and watermelons would not set fruit and my green bean vines just burnt to a crisp. Half of my tomato plants shut down, altho the cherry tomatoes slowly set fruit and 3-4 ripen each week. I’ll try again, next year with more afternoon shade.

3: I am considering going to Origins next year. GenCon is both too expensive and too much of a hotel room clusterfuck. Origins would not be cheap and I would not see as many friends, but it might be doable.

5: Alternatively, I could hit as many as 5 NorCal cons for the price of going to Origins. The two Sacramento Conquest cons cost me pretty much nothing, since I run games and they are about 4 miles from my house. KublaCon is getting big and is a great con I have not been to in years. DunDraCon, of course, is a given after 30+ years. Big Bad Con is also one I’d like to hit up.

6: Going further afield, but still on the West Coast, OrcaCon is another I’d like to get to.

7: Finally, it has been 13 years since Grace & I took a long driving trip. While having 4 dogs does make such a trip problematic (we do not board our dogs and we need to REALLY REALLY trust a dog/housesitter), it does not entirely rule it out, especially since we will have another car by next spring, something much larger than our current tiny Mazda 3.

That’s it for now. More bloggage soon!

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Soybean Stew

…healthy and fartilicious!

The Doclopedia #867

Random Stuff!: Zebra Fever

On Earth 22A, in the year 1966, a strange plague ravaged the planet, causing all humans to develop streaky skin colors that included skin tones from all the various ethnic groups. In addition, everyone developed curly red hair, green eyes and full lips. By the time it was all over, everybody looked the same. These changes were genetic, so their children had the same look. Many people heralded this as a wonderful thing, since humans could no longer hate each other based upon what color their skin was. Yes, people would live in peace and everyone was equal.

Except for tall people…and short people…and fat people…and women…and the various political ideologies…and religious beliefs…and females…and males…skinny people…left handers…nerds…jocks…old folks…teenagers…hockey fans…wine snobs…cat lovers….bikers…the French…



The Doclopedia #868

Random Stuff!: Space Trek Meets Space Wars

This movie was proposed in 2000 by the studios behind the Space Trek and Space Wars franchises. Many high profile directors were announced as being in the running as director. The budget would be 200 million dollars. The story & script were to be written by fan favorite writers, It would be incredible!

Unfortunately, the project had to be shelved after 25,946 fanboys died of heart attacks from just reading the first press release.



The Doclopedia #869

Random Stuff!: Canine Duplication Syndrome

This disease, which is uncommon, but not rare, affects dogs of all ages, sizes, breeds and sexes. In short, it causes the dog to spontaeneously create up to three duplicates of itself. While the duplicates are in all ways just like the original dog, that only means that there is X times the chances of the dogs doing whatever naughty/destructive/disgusting things the original might be prone to do. Entire houses have been ravaged by these duplicates and their originals. No shoes or garbage cans are safe. Taking your dog for a walk can be an ordeal. Cleaning up poop in your yard can take hours. Your cat? Expect him/her to leave town.

There is no known cure for CDS, but scientists are working on it.

The Bear Liberation Front

…they’re coming for you, Steven Colbert


The Doclopedia #865

Random Stuff!: Britwan (AKA The Britwish Isles)


Britwan is made up of three main islands (Britwan, Dorland & Litria) and 47 smaller islands, the largest of which is Woygon and the smallest of which is North Rock. All of the islands were “conquered” by the ancient Britwish monarch, King Borton the Bold, about 1,000 years ago. This conquest was pretty bloodless and, in fact, was welcomed by the Dorlish faeries and the Litrian tribesmen, since Borton pretty much killed off all of the large & dangerous predators in each land and also brought much desired trade between the three lands. Everybody prospered and didn’t have to watch out fot dragonsnakes or tentacle bears, which is why there are statues of King Borton all over the place.


Dorland and Britwan have a pretty mild climate, while Litria is a good deal colder and wetter much of the year. Dorland has few mountains, but many rolling forest covered hills. Britwan has a few mountains, five broad river valleys, a chain of medium sized lakes and light forests everywhere but on the mountains. Litria is half rolling plains and half rough mountains covered in huge ancient forests. Litria also has the most mineral wealth of all the islands.


Magic is strongest in Dorland, fairly weak in Britwan and wild & dangerous in Litria. Magical creatures tend to be much like the magic on each island.



The Doclopedia #866

Random Stuff!: A Very Useful Walking Cane For Gentlemen


As you can see, Sir Peter, this cane is hand carved from the finest mahogany, then hand polished. As one might expect, it holds a sword of the finest steel, but there are some other additions of note. The crystal globe that serves as the cane’s head is, in fact, the magnifier for one of the new electric torches that is hidden in the handle of the sword. It is quite bright and the batteries will give up to four hours of continuous light. Very handy, to be sure.”


Now, let us examin the other end of the cane. This last three inches are lead filled steal with very fine engraving. The lead allows quite a blow to be administered to ruffians, vicious dogs or wild beasts. If one goes a bit further up the cane to this carving of a dragon, we find that it slides back to reveal six waterproof matches. The carving of a griffon slides open to allow one to store a small item or two. Finally, back up below the handle, we see a compass imbedded into the cane and a carving of a lion that will nicely hold several pound notes.”


Oh, of course we can, deliver it along with your other items. Now, please allow me to show you a most remarkable pair of shoes.”

Mr. Porkwaffle Attempts To Barbecue A Pig

…this will not end well


The Doclopedia #862

Random Stuff!: The Lost City Of Gorlumek


Saying that the Great Forest of Yurr is dangerous is like saying that water is wet. This huge forest covers nearly two million acres and is home to creatures like noctomorphs, fangbears, kreeloks and greater death apes. Even the plants found there are dangerous, especially the soul fungus and the daggerweed. The weather in the forest ranges from foggy & wet to icy cold with plenty of snow. In all, the Great Forest of Yurr is a place best avoided by sane folk.


And yet, dozens of adventurers willingly enter the forest every year in a possibly suicidal attempt to find the Lost City of Gorlumek.


The city, which we know existed a thousand years ago, before it was destroyed by Dark Magic, once housed over a quarter million people. A high percentage of them were mages & wizards, since Gorlumek was the center for magic for the ancient Fwaan Empire. The production of magical weapons, armor and devices was a booming industry. But, as mentioned above, something went wrong and the city was destroyed and all of the people in it were killed. With Gormulek gone, the Fwaan Empire fell soon after.


Legend says that the city sits in the exact center of the forest, near a river and a lake. Legend does not say what might inhabit the city now, but you can be pretty sure it won’t be very nice.



The Doclopedia #863

Random Stuff!: Luck Muffins


Chef Otto Deedrikson loves to bake muffins and he’s very good at it. His bakery, Muffinopolis, sells 39 kinds of muffins and you’d better get there early, because they sell out fast.


Now, if you know the proper code phrase, Otto will sell you one of his 40th variety of muffin, the Luck Muffin. These taste deliciously different for each person, but you don’t buy them for the taste, you buy them for the good luck you get.


Yes, for 6 hours after you eat one, you will have great luck. Going to the dentist for a check up? Eat a Luck Muffin and you won’t have a single cavity. Got to drive somewhere? No speeding tickets or accidents for you! Going on a date? Prepare for a very good time. Buying a lottery ticket? Well, you know how that will go.


Otto only bakes a dozen Luck Muffins at a time and only does it on Tuesdays & Thursdays. The muffins will stay fresh and full of Luck for up to 24 hours after you buy one.



The Doclopedia #864

Random Stuff!: The Awesome Spider-Bat #100


Dude! That was the issue with art by Jack Ditko and story by Lee Stanz! It not only retold Spider-Bat’s origin in more detail, it was the first time he fought Garbage Man and the Villains Inc. There were guest appearences by Captain Africa, the Incredible What and the Girl Gladiators. Oh, yeah, it also featured the return of Spider-Dog, who is pretty awesome all by himself.


Dude, that comic is worth like, $75,000.00! Man, if we could find one of those, we could buy an entire run of “Fantastic Guy” comics and still buy like, a hundred pizzas!

The Kitty Cats Start A Garden

…but all they grow is catnip

Random Stuff

1: Conquest Sac starts THIS FRIDAY! If you live anywhere near Sacramento or if you just have the spare time & money, you should attend it. I’m doing a seminar on Friday at 6 PM, then running a TOON game at 8 PM. On Saturday, I’m running an Over The Edge game at 8 PM. I may also run a game or two in open gaming.

2: Ok, it’s time for the fucking rain to lighten up and leave Northern California.

3: The characters I’m creating for my Over The Edge game at Conquest Sac all (well, except for one) have to have some paranormal power that relates to time. This is an interesting challenge, especially given some of the Flaws they have. After the con, I’ll post the characters here.

4: I’m debating going to KublahCon in May, at least for 1 day. The Flea Market there is very nice and quite large. Anybody else gonna be there?

5: After giving it some thought, I have to say that, INMHO, Green Ronin is the best goddamn game company out there. Now, I loves me some Steve Jackson Games products (including TOON Munchkin, which you can download as a PDF from e23 for a mere $8.95) and Atlas Games has much cool product, but Green Ronin just keep cranking out high quality, well written, innovative and just plain FUN stuff…lots of it. And they are all great people, too.

6: Two months have passed without an Iron Chef Aslin Way battle, mostly due to Grace and I being busy, forgetful or a combination of the two. I plan on changing this in a week or so.

7: Sweet Mother of Pearl, I love our new tv!

8: I think that once the car is paid off (NEXT MONTH!!!), I’m gonna go to a paid account here on LJ. I also plan on posting some pix of the home and garden here at the Cross Estate.

9: Tonight, the Game Discussion and the Top Ten lists will return.

10: I’m outta here and off to work.