Chapter 811: In Which Our Hero, After Saving The Queen From The Dastardy Duke, Rejoins His Merry Pirate Crew

…and overindulges in rum


The Doclopedia #978

Rings & Things: The Great Ring Station Of The Paa’Laan

The Great Ring Station was a space station built by the Paa’Laan race who lived on Altair 3, 4 and 5 three thousand years ago. The station was huge, fully 5,500 miles in circumference and 450 miles wide in the interior living space. Light is provided by huge panels that exactly mimic sunlight. The ecology is representative of all of the ecosystems on Altair 3, the homeworld of the Paa’Laan. When finally settled, two million Paa’Laani were living on the station.

Designed to provide a home for miners/scientists working in the area of Altair 11, the station was pushed out into interstellar space when Paa’Laani scientists accidentally blew up their sun. Amazingly, the Great Ring Station suffered no damage and only nobody in or near the station died. The GRS has now been drifting through space for just over 2,200 years at a speed of roughly 100,000 miles per hour. Life has gone on and there have been surprisingly few problems.

It is estimated that the GRS will enter the small Doogoln star system in another 768 years, at which point the GRS will have to be slowed down and decisions will need to be made about settling on Doogoln 4.




The Doclopedia #979

Rings & Things: The Two Amber Rings

If you should find these two rings in a dungeon or ruins or dragon horde (yeah, good luck with that last one), do NOT put one or both of them on! The moment you do that, one ring stays on you and the other will appear in the finger of the nearest other sentient humanoid. After that, you will switch bodies at random times, usually the WORST random times. You’ll also start to go crazy after a few days, because it will get hard to remember which body is really yours.

The only way to break the curse is for both of you to cut off your ring hands and burn them with a Fireball spell. That doesn’t destroy the rings, because they just teleport off somewhere else for some other poor bastard to find.

Trust me, I know what I’m talking about. My nickname wasn’t always Lefty, laddo.

Crazy Jimmy Jumps Out Of A Balloon

…and finds you can’t really parachute from 60 feet up


The Doclopedia #935

The Alphabet: Y

Y is for…Young Explorers League: Boys and girls, do you have a love of the exciting life? Do you enjoy solving mysteries and exploring new places? Are you smart and adaptable to every situation?

If so, then the Young Explorers League is the club for you! Join up and learn all about the world we live in, especially the exotic & unexplored areas! Hear exciting and informative presentations by some of the foremost explorers of our day! Go on hikes and camp outs in out of the way places that will test your skills! Meet new friends and learn things you never imagined! Compete in exciting events both here and abroad!

A new troop of the Young Explorers League is starting up in this city right now! If you are a boy or girl between the ages of 10 and 18, go sign up now. Dues are only $2.00 per year and you’ll get a a membership card and a year’s subscription to “The Y.E.L.L.” our newsletter. Join this week and you can attend our first meeting and hear a talk by Dr. Jones about archeology!




The Doclopedia #936

The Alphabet: Z

Z is for…Zimbolio: Zithoraxos Quanniferti Zimbolio was the 228th Supreme Ruler of the planet Mataralis 4. He ruled from 2680 AD to 2761 AD and was the final Supreme Ruler of that planet. As tradition had always dictated, he was only ever called by his last name.

Having been educated on Earth, Wigahsix 3 and Pollux 7, he brought some interesting ideas to his reign. In fact, he caused a huge amount of social upheaval, most of which the Mataralians have yet to recover from now, 90 years after his death. Some of the things he did include…

Eliminating the annual Food Offering

Freeing the Smalts

Allowing females to dress in any color on any day

Making the first week of each month “Watch Human Television” week

Allowing the common folk to eat glins, soobecho, kimarnut and vaa.

Outlawing the worship of his ancestors

And most radical of all, declaring that he would end the days of a Supreme Ruler by not choosing a successor. Since this had never happened in nearly 6,000 years of their history, the government and the priesthood had no idea what to do. They argued over many ideas, but since most of them were distracted by colorful females or stewed soobecho or “Captain Kangaroo” reruns or those damned free Smalts, they never came up with anything and eventually just settled for a democracy.

When Zimbolio died, the entire planet mourned him. Afterward, everybody ate crispy vaa and watched “Hill Street Blues” reruns.