It’s All Fun & Games Until Somebody Opens Up That Jar Of Flesh Eating Spiderwasps

…then it pretty much turns into antifun

CatCon4: Day 10 (Con Day 3) Last day of the con…mucho merch is bought… games are played…seminars are attended…pie is eaten…we head home via the old spacey wacey/timey wimey

This being the last day of the con, our merry band of travelers hit the Dealer’s Room early and hard. There are a whole bunch of sellers who are going to sleep well tonight after counting the $$$ we spent.

At 10 AM, it was time for Spike and I to hit the “What We Hate!” seminar, which was packed and lots of fun. It lasted until 12, at which point we had an hour for lunch and then went on to the last seminar of the day “What We Did At CatCon 4”. As you might imagine, this was a best/most funny/most awesome/strangest con memories thing and it was often screamingly funny.

Once that was over, at 2 PM, Grace (who had been doing even more shopping) joined Sharon, Avis and I for the Charity Pet Walk (or, in Winker’s case, the “get towed by Dad in a wagon”). People once again ponied up big bucks for local animal charities.

At 3 PM, it was one last sweep of the Dealer’s Room. At 4:00, the dealer’s room closed and we all went back to the hotel for packing up.

At 4:30, we all went to Pizza My Heart for some chow, but left plenty of room for the deliciosity that is the “Post Con Cool Down Party” where pie is the star attraction.

When 6 PM rolled around, we went to the party and just ate the hell outta pie. There was much chatting and goodbye saying and at 7:00, we headed out, got on the Magic Bus and bid adieu to Critter City and CatCon 4.

About an hour after we left, and fortunately after she told us all goodbye, our duplicate Avis popped out of existence. Two minutes later, my cell phone rang and it was the original Avis calling from GenCon to say what fun she had at both cons.

Fifteen minutes later, Joe flipped switches and turned dials and we popped up in the middle of London, circa 1972. We had not been moving, so when we popped out of nowhere, it was a real crowd stopper. Joe said we had to wait 5 minutes before we could teleport again, so I gave in to a mad urge. After running to one of the closets, I hurriedly threw on a rather gaudy outfit, complete with a top hat and cane. Then I left the bus, where a couple of hundred people stood looking at it in slackjawed wonder and trafic was backing up badly.

I walked up to a largish group and said “Hello, I’m the Doctor. Can any of you tell me how to get to California in 2011?” Jaws REALLY dropped then, plus three people fainted and one guy dropped his bag of groceries.

I then got on the bus and, while the Doctor Who theme played through the external speakers, we teleported. Joe informs me that we most likely created the trigger event for spinning off an alternate reality. Cool!

We popped into Toronto, at which point we then drove the Mystery family home. Next stop was Dundalk, Maryland, where the Joneses said goodbye. From there, it was home, sweet home, California.

That was an hour ago. Grace is snoozing, Sharon is gone, Zach is driving home, The Girls are asleep, Flash is in his imaginary cat tree, Abby is in her fictional pygmy goat house and I am drinking a glass of iced tea.

Next year, as always, we hope to get to GenCon. If we don’t, there will still be DogCon 5.

Of course, even if we do make it to GenCon, there’s still that “tempro-spatially replicated” thing that duplicated Avis. It’s a big bathroom…big enough to hold several people, plus critters.

Hmmmm…

CatCon 4 is over, but the Cross Family and Friends will return in…

DogCon 5…maybe

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Chapter 321: In Which Our Hero, Having Narrowly Avoided Marriage, Must Escape Into The Wilderness

…armed only with a teaspoon and some yak butter

The Trip to DogCon 3: Day 2, Part 2, In which we learn a very great deal about onions, our conveyance slips sideways in time and we find a stash of chocolate.

(Note: All comments by Flash are in italics)

So…Walla Walla, Washington…Onion Central for the Great Northwest. We rolled into town about 2:30 Thursday, but we could smell the onions about 15 minutes earlier. That made us all hungry, so we were doubly glad to see the Onion World Theme Park.

After making sure that our critters were securely and safely locked up in the bus, we three humans paid our $7.50 admission each and went in search of fun and food.

My sisters and I had no intention of escaping, since Lucy had sniffed out the fact that one of the doors inside the bus now lead to a large room full of old shoes. We had big fun chewing on them and playing with them.

We found a burger stand just inside the main gate. The burgers were good and big, but the kid at the counter looked at Grace like she was some sort of alien when she told him she wanted her burger without cheese, condiments or onions. Personally, I think an alien would at least have some ketchup on their burger.

After consuming enough burgers & fries to harden the arteries of an spinosaur, we went off to the first attraction, “Our Friend, The Onion”. It was a sort of “It’s A Small World” kind of deal, but told us all the amazing facts associated with onions in general and those from Walla Walla in particular. I found it amusing that onions from Maui, Hawaii or Vidalia, Georgia were portrayed as food fit only for hogs or people from Oregon.

Once that thrill packed bit of allium centric propaganda was finished, we wandered around the park, rode a few rides (I particularly liked the Wild Onion and the Bumper Onions), saw a musical show about the pioneering onion farmers and bought the inevitable fridge magnets, postcards and t-shirts. Oh, and I bought Bandana #487, a blue one with yellow onions on it.

Meanwhile, we had progressed to playing a game of “King of the Shoe Hill”. Thanks to my kitty agility, I avoided getting knocked off for a full 5 minutes. Lucy finally routed me with a well placed headbutt.

Back on the bus, we headed out, hoping to get to the KOA in Tater Corners, Idaho, before dark. We did, but it was a strange trip getting there.

See, the TARDIS unit we bought is only supposed to make the bus bigger on the inside. No spacey wacey, timey wimey shit is supposed to happen. But there we were, cruising down the road, both women and all the critters asleep, when time & space went all funny.

First, the clock on the dashboard started running backwards really fast. Then the scenery started to change. Eastern Washington is not a well forested area, but damned if we weren’t all of a sudden driving through a forest of what looked like miniature (as in only 75 feet tall) redwoods. Not long after that, the sun set 3 times in rapid succession and rose just as many times.

The clock now told me it was 462:00 WM and I was driving through a city that looked vaguely like Denver, if Denver had been built by Dr. Seuss. I thought for a moment about waking up Grace & Sharon so they could see it, but then remembered that they tended to receive any news of temporal/spatial shenanigans rather poorly, so I let them sleep.

As we were leaving town, I saw a fast food joint offering Deep Fried Fleems with Pok Sauce for only $3.00 per dozen. I have no idea what that shit was, but hey, it was deep fried! And the smell that wafted in wasn’t bad, either. A bit metallic, but with overtones of seafood and radishes. I probably should have gotten some, because now I’m regretting missing my chance.

About 10 miles outside of town, where the scenery was looking a bit Martian, we suddenly snapped back into our reality. A minute or so later, Joe the Mechanic stepped through one of the many interior doors and offered his apology about the little detour. I told him what I had seen and he just nodded and said “Mmmm, Fleems…them’s good eatin'”

Son of a bitch!

Anyway, one of the advantages of fucking about in space and time is that we slipped a bit back in the local timestream, thus reducing our 4 hour trip to Tater Corners to about a 35 minute trip.

Once at the KOA, we walked critters, relaxed in the hot tub, ate dinner and watched some episodes from the 5th year of Star Trek. Gotta love those alternate reality DVDs. It was right after the episode where Spock & McCoy get roaring drunk during peace talks with the Romulans that I got up to take a leak, opened what I thought was the bathroom door and discovered an entire small closet full of chocolate. SCORE!

After a couple more hours of Trek & chocolate, we all turned in for the night. Unfortunately, after only 4 hours sleep, I woke up, which is why I’m writing this.

More imaginary trip bloggage tomorrow.

Destination Sign: Mayberry