Outlaw Cats

…bad bad kitties

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The Doclopedia #1,965

State Secrets: Wisconsin – Superb Cheese
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Another short one, this time VERY frustrating.

At various times, a cheese shop called Superb Cheese will appear for an entire day, from sun up to sun down, along a well traveled Wisconsin highway.

The staff is friendly, the cheese is incredible and the prices are great. But buy your cheese in a large quantity, should you go there, because it sometimes goes 10 years without reappearing and it never appears in the same place twice.

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The Doclopedia #1,966

State Secrets: Wyoming – Out Of Time

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A final short entry to close out State Secrets.

There is a very well guarded spot hidden somewhere in Wyoming that has a time portal attached to it. The portal open at random times and connects to a random period of time up to 100 million years ago. It stays open from 2 minutes to an hour.

The portal is a one way affair, from the past to now. Many things have come through it, either blown by the wind or under their own power. This includes a group of humans from around 9,000 years ago, a pack of wolves and about 8 different dinosaurs. The SXU has them all in a top secret underground facility.

The Incredible Adventures Of Doctor Tempest Under The North Pole

…from the August 1890 issue.

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The Doclopedia #1,963

State Secrets: Washington – Party House

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Another benevolent, or at least not evil, bit of strangeness can be found in Washington, generally in the Seattle area, but really, in any decent sized town. It’s a party house.

The house is any high school or college students party dream. It has a huge living room, a huge den, 5 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms and a very large backyard with a pool and fire pit. The kitchen is full of food and booze. The sound system is great.

The house is always located on the edge of town, or at least a good bit away from other houses. The party usually starts on a Saturday night around 8 and goes on until just before sunrise. The cops never show up. There are never any fights or other bad events. Nobody ever gets hurt or pregnant. It is, in short, the perfect big loud teenage party.

People who attend the party, and that can number up to 200, always wake up at home with no hangover and no real memory of how they got home. If anybody goes back to the house, the either find no house or a completely different one. Oddly, very few people do this and they all forget about in after an hour or two.

So far, the SXU and the Washington State Police have only learned that people get invited to the house by folks their age that they have never met, usually on the day of the party. Descriptions of the inviters run the gamut of racial and sexual lines.

Note: Never once has anyone ever complained about a wild loud party matching this one and nobody has ever seen a party at whatever location it happened at.

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The Doclopedia #1,964

State Secrets: West Virginia – Hill Billie

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A short one here. There is a very pretty girl, apparent age 16 or so, who wanders the very rural areas of West Virginia. If asked, she will give her name as “Billie”. If a man or men should try anything untoward with her, she beats them to a pulp, leaving them paralyzed and unable to ever again harm a woman.

 

Billie has been doing this since before the Civil War.

Fishing In My Stream Of Consciousness

…using live bait

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The Doclopedia #1,961

State Secrets: Vermont – The Maple Syrup Man

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People in Vermont sometimes meet a little old man walking along a road miles from any town. He is always carrying a half gallon jug of maple syrup. He will attempt to hitch a ride. If he does, he will thank the driver and say his name is Tom and that he does not have far to go. He then falls quiet.

At some point a few minutes later, the driver realizes that Tom has disappeared, but that half gallon of maple syrup is still there. If they aren’t too spooked to try it when they get home, they will find it is the best they’ve ever had.

The SXU classifies Tom as a Class 2B Phantom Hitchhiker. Class 2 means he leaves something behind when he vanishes. The “B” indicates it is a good thing, not anything gory or frightening.

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The Doclopedia #1,962

State Secrets: Virginia – The Backroad Boys

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No state is free of teenaged idiots driving around dangerously fast on back roads, but in most cases, those teens aren’t dead and they don’t try to kill you.

The Backroad Boys are, or were, the Falker twins, Larry & Mace, and their buddies, Earl Kinson and Don Huckins. Back in the mid 1950s, they used to drive like hell all over the state, often running other cars off the road. Then, one night, somebody ran them off the road. They went 400 feet down a mountainside and hit a big tree. All four of them were killed.

Two years later, the first report of them being back came from a coal miner on his way home from work. Over the decades, they have killed 28 people and caused over 300 wrecks.

The SXU has assembled a new group of drivers and exorcists to team up and patrol the lonely roads. Sooner or later, they’ll find and banish those punks.

Sorcerers Of The Mystical Magicness

…they’re spelleriffic!

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The Doclopedia #1,959
S
tate Secrets: Texas – Extraño

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Out in the west and southwest of Texas, where towns are few and the ass end of nowhere is all around, travelers have been known to come upon the small town of Extraño. It appears to be a town like many other tiny Texas towns: gas station, store, a couple of other buildings and a few houses. Pretty ordinary looking, really.

But Extraño means “strange” in English and this town is that.

Nobody who stops in the town stays for too long because they start getting a creepy vibe. First of all, nothing in the town is modern. From the cars to the products/prices in the store, everything looks like it might have 50 or 60 years ago.

Then there are the people. If you’re lucky, you might see a dozen total. They will be predominantly Hispanic, but they be a few dusty old white folks. Everyone smiles constantly and they don’t say very much. In fact, the whole town is eerily quiet. You won’t see any children or animals, either. Nobody is under 40.

Then there’s what happens in the store. You’ll feel compelled to buy more than you want to, maybe a lot more. Then, when you get a few miles away from town, you’ll find everything is old and dried up. If you bought food, it has pretty much turned to dust.

As you might expect, you can’t turn around and find Extraño again. But then, you probably left in a hurry and don’t want to.

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The Doclopedia #1,960

State Secrets: Utah – Mormons In The Moonlight
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This is a short one, folks. There are 22 members of the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints who are werewolves. The SXU has no idea who they are, but they gather together once a month in the Utah mountains to transform and run as a pack when the full moon rises.

They have apparently not attacked and humans, but have attacked cattle, sheep, deer and elk. They also appear to have rampant sex in wolf form.

The SXU continues it’s investigation.

Flink Poyd

…what? WHAT?

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The Doclopedia #1,957

State Secrets: South Dakota – Big Bird Of The

Badlands

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In one of the SXU’s greatest disinformation campaigns has been to convince people that a 3,000 acre ranch in South Dakota is growing experimental food crops when actually most of it surrounds the 300 acre territory of a bioengeneered prehistoric bird.

 

The bird in question is a member of the genus Titanus and used to roam the Americas up until 2 million years ago. This one, whose name is Tim, stands just about 9 feet tall and weighs 370 pounds. He’s carnivorous and dines on anything he can catch, which in his case is mostly wild hogs. Tim can run for up to 15 minutes at 40 miles an hour and hit 50 for up to 3 minutes. He is also a skilled ambush hunter.

During the cold winter months, Tim lives inside a very large heated barn. He is 5 years old and in the summer of 2020 is due to get a mate.

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The Doclopedia #1,958

State Secrets: Tennessee – The Tennessee Studfinder

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This is one of the newest State Secrets and is near the top of the SXU “Must Solve” list.

There is a young man frequenting various gay gathering spots in Tennessee. His exact appearance seems to vary, but every man that has encountered him agrees that he is around 21 years old and very good looking. He has a very fit looking physique. He is also the greatest sexual partner and of his victims has ever had.

But there is a big catch to sexing it up with him.

Within 12 hours of having sex with him, all of his victims start to suffer sexual dysfunction. Impotence, premature ejaculation, lack of orgasm and other symptoms have been reported. These last for anywhere from 1 to 3 years. Often, they lead to depression and other problems. On top of all that, even after they recover fully, sex with other partners is never as good as it was with him.

The “Studfinder” got his nickname because he seeks out the most well known and egotistical men in the area to visit his attentions on. Word is getting around about him, which is making gay men in Tennessee more than a bit paranoid.

Handsome Joe Goes Grocery Shopping

…and then he got a new leash & collar.

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The Doclopedia #1,955

State Secrets: Rhode Island – The Red Kitty

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In our smallest state, there is a roughly 25 pound red American Shorthair cat that kills and eats most of a human being every 5 years.

The cat is very fast and a lot stronger than it looks. It may have a venomous bite, if the three living witnesses are to be believed. Whatever it is, it’s not a normal cat.

The “Red Kitty” has been around for a long time, at least since 1750. For a long time, it was just thought to be a feral cat that had found a dead body. Then, In 1875, a woman saw it leap from a tree and bite a man, who then went into spasms and fell to the ground. The woman rushed toward him to offer aid, but then backed off when the cat began growling. By the time she got back to town and got some people to come help the man, his body and the cat were gone. There was plenty of blood, but the body had been dragged away. It was found three days later, over two miles away. About half of the flesh and several internal organs were missing.

Two more witnesses, in 1925 and 2005, saw the cat kill, but again, it drug the body away.

The Red Kitty eats just one human, usually male, every 5 years. The SXU has no reports of it being sighted in between feeding years..

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The Doclopedia #1,956

State Secrets: South Carolina – Children At Play

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There is an urban legend about Black Eyed Children, strange evil creatures that try to get into your house or car to do you harm. These children are very similar to that, except they look totally normal and just want to steal from you.

Now, there are children like that in pretty much every big city in the world, but those kids don’t steal things and then vanish. Actually, these playful kids don’t vanish either. They just run away really fast. How fast? Fast like on the Flash television series.

We know this because they were once accidentally filmed by an experimental high speed camera. Estimates are that they ran away at about 500 miles an hour, but created no wind or kicked up any dust. Nobody can explain this.

The children, who can number from 5 to 12 and all appear to be around 8 or 9 years old, are a mixed ethnicity bunch. They can be any proportion of male or female. Sometimes, they even have a dog or two with them. The dogs move just as fast as they do.

The children have appeared all over South Carolina and the government of the state keeps a tight lid on things. The SXU is active in the state trying to find these children.

It’s All Fun And Games Until Somebody Summons A Demogorgon

…no fun!

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The Doclopedia #1,953

State Secrets: Oregon – Our Big Beaver

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This one is short and sweet, folks. There is a 1,200 pound beaver living in Oregon. Considering that normal beavers weigh around 55-70 pounds, you can imagine how big this one is.

The Big Beaver does not seem to behave like beavers are supposed to. It doesn’t build dams and it has been seen miles away from the nearest body of water. It does seem to eat the bark of trees, leaves, etc, but it has also been known to eat bales of hay and, sometimes, fish.

Despite being as big as it is, it stays well hidden and few people have actually seen it.

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The Doclopedia #1,954

State Secrets: Pennsylvania – The Philly Phantom

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Another short entry here folks, because on the Weird Shit Scale, this rates very high.

The Philly Phantom is NOT the ghost of a person or animal. It’s probably not a ghost at all. The FBI Special X Unit has no idea what the hell it really is, but they know what it looks and smells like.

It’s an extra large Philly Cheesesteak Sandwich.

No, we are not lying. It appears as a big, hot, delicious smelling sandwich. Only one person at a time ever sees or smells it and they cannot resist going after it. Doesn’t matter if they’ve just eaten or are doing something important, they at the very least stop and stare at it. But when they go to pick it up, it’s gone.

It only appears in Philadelphia, but can appear at any hour.

Fun Fact: Every person who actually reported encountering it was kept from being hurt or killed in some way by the delay heading for the sandwich caused.

Malcom Was The God Of Pastry Chefs

…his temple was made of cream puffs

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The Doclopedia #1,951

State Secrets: Ohio – The Night Dog

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Interstate 71 runs across Ohio from Cleveland to Columbus to Cincinnati. It’s a major roadway. It’s also where the Night Dog lives.

The Night Dog has been roaming up and down I-71 since at least the early 1980s. He or she, because the sex changes, is always a large breed dog, often looking like a German Shepherd or Labrador mix

When something bad happens at night along the freeway, the Night Dog often shows up to help until the authorities or other help arrive. It has helped accident victims, lost children, kidnap victims and even cops on the losing end of a gun battle.

The Night Dog has never been seen running from place to place, bit it travels fast somehow. It was once sighted right near Cleveland at a multi car accident, then less than an hour later was south of Columbus causing a crazed husband to run off the road into a mud hole, allowing his wife to flee in the car he was following.

The SXU finds the Night Dog frustrating to study, since it cannot be photographed or tracked in any way.

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The Doclopedia #1,952

State Secrets: Oklahoma – Oil Be Back

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The oil industry in Oklahoma (and many other states) has been fucking over Native People since the 19th century. They paid them pennies for the drilling rights on their land, when they paid at all. They left land polluted and ruined. Some Native People died from this. One decided to come back and get some revenge.

The State of Oklahoma, the Federal Government and the oil industry all cover up the fact that a human figure covered in crude oil sludge kills an average of 4 oil industry workers a year. All attempts to destroy or capture the creature have failed. The “Oil Creature” has even appeared in the parking garage of a large oil drilling company where it killed an executive.

This creature is on the SXU Top Ten List for capture or destruction.

 

Not In This Issue: Yaks, Baseball and Garlic Bread

…no baseball at all

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The Doclopedia #1,949

State Secrets: North Carolina – The Strange Family

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Okay, first of all, they are not named strange. In fact, nobody has ever gotten a name from them at all, except first names. They seem to be a family of two parents, three kids and a grandmother. They are, by all accounts, nice polite folks.

But they aren’t from North Carolina or anywhere else we know about on Earth. They could be aliens from space or a race from some hidden place here on our planet, nobody knows.

This family has been encountered in small towns all over the state since 2005. They always seem to be traveling in a minivan that is 2 or 3 years old. Like tourists, they’ll stop and take pictures, but things and eat fast food. When spoken to, they are pleasant and polite and often say they are from California.

The strange part is their looks. They are all tall, with the dad beind maybe 6′ 6” and the mom about 6′ 1”. The kids, who look like pre-teens, both stand well over 5′ 6”. Even old granny is a good 5′ 10”.

They are all slender and have slightly longer fingers than normal. Their eyes are just a touch to big and their ears are ever so slightly pointed.

All of them are platinum blondes.

The SXU has a few photos of them and about 2 minutes of video. They would very much like to meet and speak with this strange family.

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The Doclopedia #1,950

State Secrets: North Dakota – Miles To Go?

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This one is another helpful bit of strangeness for drivers. Well, it’s helpful most of the time.

See, if you are a driver out there on some lonely road in North Dakota, needing to get somewhere in a hurry with a long way to go in the state, you may find yourself passing a flashy bright orange car going the opposite direction. The make and model of car is always different, but is never newer than 1970.

Now, if your reason for getting somewhere is for good (baby being born, relative dying, child’s birthday, etc), you will find that after the car has passed, you will be moved to within a few miles of your destination. If said destination is outside the state, you will be at the state line.

But if your intentions for getting somewhere are bad (murder & most other crimes, escaping the police, etc), you’ll find yourself right back where you started, almost certainly in the middle of a bunch of cops.

Another aspect of this strangeness is that while good people will be weirded out by this for a couple of minutes, bad people completely lose their minds for a couple of hours, very often screaming out confessions to crimes they’ve done or are planning on doing.

The SXU has no idea how to find the orange car, but then, they are a bit afraid to try.

BD&DSM

…you know it exists

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The Doclopedia #1,947

State Secrets: New Mexico – Ants At A Picnic

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Did you ever see that old 1950s science fiction movie called “Them”? Giant ants in the New Mexico desert, created by atomic testing? It’s a pretty good movie.

The ants are real.

Oh, the aren’t nearly as big as the ones in the movie. No, these are only about the size of a chihuahua dog, which is still incredibly huge for an ant. The big problem is that these ants are vicious carnivores that the United States government has to work like hell to keep contained in the special lab where they study them.

These ants are their own new species, created right there in White Sands when they were testing the A Bomb. Fortunately, the initial nest was discovered pretty quickly, when it had only a queen and 60 workers. They were caught and taken to a lab where they promptly escaped from their enclosure and killed two technicians, who they promptly began eating. Using cold, the ants were subdued and placed in a much stronger enclosure.

It took them a month to escape from that one. This went on for 3 years, 9 enclosures and 7 human deaths.

The ants have been in their current enclosure for decades. It makes a supermax prison look like a fenceless yard.

Fun Fact: If a newborn Queen and her accompanying drones do not leave the nest within 2 hours, the workers kill them and feed then to the old Queen. If ants from two colonies meet, they immediately try to kill each other. That’s why the lab has three colonies. If one escapes, they release the second. They kill each other down to a handful of ants and the humans then kill the survivors. The third colony is there as a replacement.

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The Doclopedia #1,948

State Secrets: New York – Who Ya Gonna Call?

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New York State, and especially the larger cities and towns, are hotbeds of spectral activity. Ghosts have been popping up for centuries. Some are benign, some are mischievous and some are evil. So, why don’t we hear about 400+ years worth of massive ghost activity?

Because of the the De Vallenzetters family. The name means “The Trappers” and trapping ghosts is what they do. They’ve been in New York since the earliest days of the Dutch explorers and they’ve been trapping ghosts, spectres, spirits and other non-corporeal undead ever since.

Currently, there are estimated to be a couple of thousand members of the family in the state. The majority of them live in small towns and villages under assumed names, but there are plenty in the big cities, too. There are at least 50 in New York City alone.

The SXU has a distant, but cordial, relationship with the De Vallenzetters. They would love to know how the family traps ghosts, where they store them, and even if the family is fully human, but prudence prevents such questions.

Whiskey For Dinner

…just because
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The Doclopedia #1,945

State Secrets: New Hampshire – The Real Old Man Of The Mountain

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Until it collapsed in 2003, the Old Man of the Mountain was a very famous rock formation on Cannon Mountain in New Hampshire. It looked very much like the profile of a man, hence the name.

The formation no longer exists, but the real Old Man of the Mountain is still around. Of course, he’s been around a long time and almost nobody knows he exists, but he’s there.

Technically, he should be called the Old Man of the Mountains, since he seems to live all over that part of New Hampshire. Cannon Mountain is sort of the center of his range, but he has been seen 50 miles away from there more than once.

It’s a pretty safe bet that the Old Man is not human, although he could be a mutant. Sightings of him go back to 1830, when a logging crew reported seeing a “large man wearing what looked like a moose hide” walking along a ridge.

Seldom seen more than about once every 20 years or so, the Old Man always looks the same: around 8 feet tall, long dark hair and bears, lightly tanned white skin, muscular build and wearing hides or furs. Sometimes he carries a spear or club, but one time he had a large buck deer thrown over his shoulders.

If he sees you, the Old Man will watch you for a minute, then spit on the ground and walk away quickly. Nobody has ever managed to get a clear photo of him.

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The Doclopedia #1,946

State Secrets: New Jersey – Joey Comeback

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It’s pretty safe to say that New Jersey has it’s share of criminal activity. It’s also safe to say that sometimes, certain criminals make mistakes that cause other criminals to terminate them. But so far, only the Garden State has had one of these criminals come back, again and again and again.

Legend has it that in 1959, Joey Cavelli was a young up and comer in the Jersey City mob. He would do anything asked of him if it would help build his reputation and move him up the ranks. He was young, cocky and brash. He was also quite the lady’s man.

And that’s what got him bumped off and his body dumped in an alley in Paterson. See, Joey was not only doing the girlfriend of one capo, he was doing the daughter of another. This was a profound and fatal no-no.

So Joey gets areal nice funeral, lots of women cry and a month later he’s nearly forgotten. But a month after that, Joey walks into a bar and shoots the two guys that plugged him. Bam bam, gets each of them right in the head before two other guys shot him a total of 9 times, then put three in his head.

Bosses are informed what happened and the body is cut up and dumped in about 6 places, including the ocean and a construction site in Manhattan. Everyone agrees it wasn’t really Joey, but some relative or friend. Well, the guys that killed him and the guys who disposed of him didn’t agree, but they kept quiet.

Then six months later, Joey kicks in the door to the home one of the capos that had him killed the first time and let’s him have both barrels of a shotgun. Twice. Guards put maybe 20 rounds in Joey, bosses are consulted and his body is burned to ash in a crematorium. The ashes are then soaked with holy water and mixed with concrete. Finally, the blob of hardened concrete is taken 30miles into the ocean and dropped.

Joey killed the other capo and seven guards four months later. After he got killed again, his body was dissolved in acid.

Although he comes back less frequently, Joey does come back. He’s always fully corporeal, heavily armed and never misses who he aims at. He always gets killed soon afterward.

Joey never appears outside New Jersey and seems to favor the northern third of the state. He is one of the top three “Must Catch” anomalies on the SXU Big List.

The Great Toilet Paper Wars Of 2020

…terrible, just terrible

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The Doclopedia #1,916

State Secrets: Nebraska – Gas & Food

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Of all the benign things on this list, this one is the most benign and the most helpful.

The situation is always the same: Someone is traveling across Nebraska on a lonely stretch of road and they really need some gas or food or directions or all three. There, up ahead, they see a tiny gas station with a small neon sign saying “Gas & Food”.

The place always looks at least 30 years old and often out of place in the middle of nowhere, but no customer ever thinks about that for too long. They get their gas and maybe a bite and they are on their way. If they were to turn and go back after a mile or two, they would find the station gone.

During the day, Gas & Food will be open and manned by an older fellow named Ted. The small sandwich counter will be manned by his wife, Ellen. After about 9:00 at night, you will always get there when they were “just about to close”. If it’s really late or very early in the morning, only Ted will be there “working late on my old pickup”. There will be a sandwich or two in the fridge that he’ll sell for half price.

This phenomenon has been encountered all over Nebraska, most often by non-natives. Encounters go back to around 1948.

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The Doclopedia #1,917

State Secrets: Nevada – You Bet Your Life

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Out in Nevada, always near a larger town or city, you might encounter a young woman who start talking to you first about little things, then about what it is you want from life. After a while, she will tell you about a club she knows of where you can win your hearts desire. The longer you listen to her, the more convincing she is.

Do not go with her. She’s a vampire. There is no betting club and all you’ll win is a painful death as she rips open your throat and drains your body dry of blood. Most likely, your remains will be found months or years later out in the desert.

The SXU has been tracking this woman for 30 years, but she stays one step ahead of them. Only about 10 people have escaped from her and few of them remember much about her. It is suspected that she only feeds once every month or two. She also does not seem to like birds of any kind.

Be vigilant when traveling through the Silver State.

Blogging During The Plague

…not fun

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The Doclopedia #1,914

State Secrets: Missouri – Sam I Am

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Samuel Langhorne Clemens, AKA Mark Twain, Was perhaps the greatest humorist the United States ever produced.

And he has been seen, alive, in Missouri, at least 7 times in the last 10 years. Not a ghost, an alien, a robot or some shapeshifting cryptid. Fingerprints and DNA confirm it. Mark Twain, live and in the flesh, was, is and probably will be, in Missouri.

The SXU has no explanation for this. They have suspicions, almost all of which refer back to an “Anomaly #1”, of whom we could learn nothing except that capturing Anomaly #1 is apparently the highest priority of the SXU, all similar agencies worldwide and a great many other organizations, both governmental and private.

Of the 7 Twain sightings, 4 were in Hannibal, Missouri. On each of these occasions he walked around the main street of town, chatting with people and making humorous remarks about how his name and likeness were being used as advertising. Physically, this was Twain in his peak years of fame, only even more healthy appearing. Although he generally spoke in the vernacular of his day, he seemed to be perfectly accustomed to modern slang, too. He gladly posed for pictures. Everyone who met him thought he was just a Mark Twain impersonator.

Twain’s other 3 sightings were in other towns along the river, where he behaved much as he did in Hannibal. In all 7 instances, he was around for about 2 hours, then slipped away from the crowds and, in 4 cases, SXU surveillance. In no case did anyone or any camera see him leave town or the building he walked into.

Twain was last seen in Missouri on July 17th, 2018. The SXU feels sure he will be back sometime in 2020.

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The Doclopedia #1,915

State Secrets: Montana – Bear Naked

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If you saw it, as nearly 50 other people have, you’d think it was a very large and totally hairless grizzly bear. It’s eyes glow red and it has a mouth full of long needle sharp teeth. It moves rapidly, even for a grizzly, who are fast to begin with.

Although the first few sightings were near an interstate highway outside Butte, all subsequent encounters were north and west of there. The last sighting was in the high mountains near Glacier National Park.

What is this creature? A cyborg. Part of it is bear, but part of it is human and part is dog. Most of it is machine. It was being developed by the military in a secret facility not far from Butte. At some point, its intelligence rose to a point were it decided to break loose, destroy the facility, kill a few scientists and generals, then run off to the high lonesome. The military has been constantly searching for Bear Naked since it was last sighted in October of 2019, but the cannot find him.

Cruel Guppies Terrorized My Angelfish

…he may never be the same

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The Doclopedia #1,912

State Secrets: Minnesota – The Hotdish Lady

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Hotdish is a type of casserole that is very popular in the Northern Midwest. Like chili in Texas, it has hundreds of variations on the base recipe. It is the unofficial State Dish of Minnesota, so it’s no surprise that it has something to do with the State Secret.

Nobody know who the “Hotdish Lady” is, but she shows up 2 or 3 times a year in various places around the state, sometimes at church gatherings, sometimes at school functions, and sometimes at large family get togethers. She always has a delicious smelling hotdish that tastes even better than it smells. The dish it comes in is quite distinctive, being large and made of deep blue glass.

The lady always behaves as if she is supposed to be there. Nobody ever turns her away. Once she puts the dish on the table and maybe exchanges a few polite words with somebody, she walks away and nobody ever sees her again. Even more interestingly, the blue dish vanishes once it is empty, and it always gets emptied, because that is one darned tasty hotdish.

As with the secrets of other states, this one is played off by the authorities as a legend, or maybe a prank. Rumor has it that the State of Minnesota and the SXU know the truth about the Hotdish Lady, but they don’t discuss it.

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The Doclopedia #1,913

State Secrets: Mississippi – The River Women

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Only two types of people ever meet the River Women: good folks needing help and bad folks needing to be scared out of being bad.

These three African American women are never encountered more than a dozen or so miles from the river. They are always rather plainly dressed and seem to be in their late 20s or early 30s. Their mode of speech is outdated, sounding more like southern country folks of the early to mid-20th century.

The fact is, they are the ghosts of 3 sisters killed by their brother, a WWI vet with mental problems all his life. He killed them with an ax in 1927 and dumped their cut up bodies in the Mississippi River. The bodies were never found.

Three days later, he cut his own throat.

Since 1928, these three spirits have appeared to folks along the river between Clarksdale and Natchez, sometimes during the day, sometimes at night. They seem to be mostly helpful during the day and mostly out to scare sinners at night.

They have helped people in need many times, always seeming as real and solid as can be. When they set out to scare somebody, they change to look like demons from Hell itself. Most of the people they scare head straight to a church to renounce their former lives and start living right.

As is often the case with straight up ghosts, both the State of Mississippi and the SXU work hard to keep them just stories.

Sleepy Slime

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The Doclopedia #1,910

State Secrets: Massachusetts – Lost In Boston

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Many people from outside the Boston area are less than impressed with driving in that city. The layout of the streets in the Greater Boston area can be quite challenging and confusing. But for some poor souls, always Boston natives, driving can get really confusing.

What happens is simple: you are driving somewhere and you turn down a street and suddenly you are on a street you’ve never been on, possibly several miles from where you were. You might make a turn in Roxbury and find yourself in South Boston. Another turn and you’re in Mission Hill. This keep happening over and over until you are about to panic. It’s no use trying to follow a map on your phone, because it changes as soon as your location does.

The secret is to pull over, turn off the car and sit for a couple of minutes. Try to calm down. Suddenly, you’ll find yourself where you started and from there you can drive normally, unless you are too wicked scared to try.
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The Doclopedia #1,911

State Secrets: Michigan – The Critter In The Road

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It has happened many times since the first automobiles came to Michigan. Somebody is out driving and suddenly, there is some animal in the road. It might be a little dog, a cow, a deer or even a bear, but whatever it is, it makes you stop.

After a few seconds, the critter vanishes like a ghost. Once you continue on, you come to a situation where, if you had been at this spota few seconds earlier, you would have been hurt or killed. Might be a fallen tree, might be a jackknifed big rig, might be downed power lines, might be something even worse, but that critter saved you from it.

This phenomenon has been studied by the FBI Special X Unit, but because it is always helpful, they do not try and stop it.

Monster Manual XXVII: Left Handed Dragons & Their Kin

…including ambidextrous hydras

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The Doclopedia #1,908

State Secrets: Maine – Ol’ Bill Bigclaw
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This cryptid is much easier to explain than others. Known as a legend to most modern Main lobstermen, Ol’ Bill Bigclaw is actually a real lobster. A product og both gigantism and a very long life, scientists estimate him to be right around 250 years old. He measures 12 feet long and has claws that are just over 3 feet long.

O’l Bill tends to stay nearer to shore than most lobsters. He also eats other lobsters if he can catch them, which means they stay away from him. Because of these two things, plus him being way bigger than and lobster trap, he has never been caught.

Bill has been seen a few times, but most folks attribute such sightings to too much drink or maybe brain damage. The State of Maine encourages these explanations and monitors Ol’ Bills position 24/7, so as to preserve this natural wonder.

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The Doclopedia #1,909

State Secrets: Maryland – The Right Bus

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This phenomenon is very similar to the phantom cars that give folks a ride, ghost trains and phantom truckers. It is not a real bus, although is is solid and does look like an old bus from the late 50s/early 60s. The bus driver is always the same sex and race as the person who gets a ride. The bus can be encountered day or night, in a town or out in the country. And then things get really strange.

 

According to three people who say they have ridden the bus, plus accounts going back to 1959, the bus comes along just when you could use a ride. You get on, pay the fare, then sit down. Sometimes there are other passengers, sometimes not.

The driver is a chatty sort and before you know it, you find yourself talking about what you really need in life. Not what you want, but what you need. You go into detail about things. Then, before you know it, the bus pulls up somewhere and the bus driver tells you this is your stop. Very seldom is is where you started out heading for, but you agree that this is it.

When you get out, you are at the right place to either get what you need ot to start the journey to what you need. Some examples are…

A man knew he needed to beat alcoholism, but just couldn’t do it. The bus dropped him off at a place called “The Final Sip Club”, He went in, had a drink, and woke up a day later at home. He never had the desire to drink again. He also never found “The Final Sip Club” again.

A young woman knew she needed to leave her abusive husband, but she lacked the courage. The bus dropped her off at her local supermarket, where she found steaks on sale at a great price. That night, she served her husband steak, his favorite food. He sent her out to buy him a beer. 15 minutes later, when she returned, she found him dead. He had choked to death on a piece of steak.

A young man with definite acting talent needed money to get to an audition in New York. Alas, his family was quite poor. The bus dropped him off at a park. A few minutes later, he saw a dog running through traffic heading for the busy street. He leaped to the ground and grabbed the leash it was dragging. A minute later, a well to do man and woman walked up to him and thanked him profusely for saving their expensive show dog. They insisted he take a $100.00 reward. He used the money to go to New York, where he eventually became a Broadway star.

The Right Bus has no fixed route and appears not to exist except at those times when somebody really needs it.

Doctor Silkmelon And Mister Porkwaffle Set Sail For Japan

…to climb Mount Fuji!

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The Doclopedia #1,906

State Secrets: Kentucky – The Coal Creature

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This is one of the most recent arrivals on the cryptid scene, having first been sighted in 2015. It usually looks like a large bear made of coal and surrounded by a light haze of coal dust, but it has also looked like a large cat and a gorilla.

So far, the Coal Creature has not harmed anyone, but it has gone into working mines and somehow degraded the coal into a much less valuable grade of coal. This, as you might expect, drives the coal companies crazy, assuming they find out about it. The very few miners who have seen the creature do not speak much about it.

The SXU tries to get more info on the Coal Creature, but it has not been easy, since the creature vanishes for long periods of time.

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The Doclopedia #1,907

State Secrets: Louisiana – Born Of The Bayou

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Down in the bayous of Louisiana, you will sometimes hear a Cajun mention Le vieil homme du marais, the old man of the swamp. This legendery swamp dweller is said to be the spirit and master of the swamp, seldom seen, but always watching.

Amazingly, this is almost exactly the truth. Sometime around 1780, a young Acadian man died in the swamp and was reborn as something more than human. He lives on to this day, over 200 years later.

The form he takes is that of a middle aged man of average height and weight. His skin is tanned and he is pretty muscular. His eyes are an odd shade of green. He seldom speaks, but when he does he speaks Cajun French.

The Old Man is said to be able to speak with and control the creatures of the swamp, as well as use the trees to move great distances quickly. He has been known to save lost people and punish poachers.

The SXU has tried to find the Old Man, but so far has turned up nothing.

Pieboy Climbs A Mountain

…we think he wanted to wrassle a bear

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The Doclopedia #1,904

State Secrets: Iowa – The Little Farmers

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For well over 125 years, folks out in northwestern Iowa have been finding small replica farms in out of the way places. These tiny farms measure about 25 feet on a side, usually have a small shelter of some sort next to a tiny fire pit, and the rest of the farm has long rows where something very small was being grown. For a very long time, most people who found these deserted farms wrote them off as something created by children, or maybe Native Americans. Nobody has ever found one with the crops in the ground.

The Special X Unit got interested in these tiny farms in 1959, when a group of 5 young boys, out for a hike in the fall, swear that they saw three tiny men loading “grass or something” into a tiny cart pulled by a squirrel. By the time SXU heard about this and got to the site, it had been trod upon by several head of cattle. Still, the agents were able to determine that this had indeed been a tiny farm operated by beings no more than 6 inches tall.

That realization caused the whole investigation to ramp up about 3 levels, because it seemed to tie into legends of the Tiny Folk, very small humanoids who have been glimpsed all over the planet, except Antarctica. SXU has been trying to get at least a photo of one since the 1930s.

Today, between 1 and 4 of these small farms are found in Iowa every fall. They are still never found in operation, always abandoned after harvesting whatever it is they grow. SXU believes that the Tiny Folk have some way of cloaking them. The search continues.

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The Doclopedia #1,905

State Secrets: Kansas – A Hole In The Ground

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This state secret is a simple one. There is a 5 foot wide, 6 foot deep, hole in the ground in Kansas. 90% of the time it’s found way out in the country, but it has popped up in towns and cities. When it appears, it lasts until someone or something falls into it. After about 5 minutes, the hole disappears leaving whatever fell into it on flat ground.

Now that’s strange enough, but the hole also changes whatever falls into it. One example would be Greg Homer, a pudgy 13 year old who rode his dirt bike into the hole and, when they got spit out, found that his bike was clean, looking great and about 24% faster. Greg himself had lost 15 pounds of fat and gained muscle mass.

Yvonne Larner, age 75 and recently diagnosed with cancer, fell into the hole and came out cured of it.

A 13 year old, arthritic Black Labrador retriever named Boots fell into the hole and emerged no more than 2 years old and arthritis free. He lived 17 more years.

The Hole has no fixed route or location. Satellite recon confirms that it may not appear in the state for up to 2 years at a stretch, or may pop up daily for a month. SXU scientists try to get to it, but even something as small as a grasshopper falling in will trigger it.

Note: That grasshopper emerged and was 8 inches long. SXU scientist studied it in the lab for 3 years, until it died.

Vin Hydrogen

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The Doclopedia #1,902

State Secrets: Illinois – The Ghosts In The Darkness
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In the Field Museum in Chicago, you can see the mounted specimens of the two male lions that killed many men, eating some of them, near the construction of a bridge over the Tsavo River in Kenya in 1898. They terrorized the area for nearly a year, bringing construction to a halt. A very good movie titled “The Ghost and the Darkness” was made about it and released in 1996.

The problem is that shortly after the movie came out, the number of people going to the museum to see the two tigers jumped dramatically. That triggered…something. X Unit scientists are not sure what was triggered, but whatever it was, it summoned up the spirits of the two lions. On December 19th, 1996, they made their first kill 4 blocks away from the museum. The still unidentified homeless man was torn to pieces. No tracks were found, but several other homeless people nearby swore that they heard a lion roar.

Since that night 21 people have been killed across northern Illinois, mostly in the Chicagoland area. 13 of those killed were homeless, 5 were early morning outdoor workers, 2 were police officers and 1 was a tourist. The FBI X Unit has a team of parapsychologists on full alert in Chicago, but so far, they have had little success in figuring out how to stop the lions.

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The Doclopedia #1,903

State Secrets: Indiana – The Phantom Geek

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This next state secret is not a killer, but it is rather tragic. It’s also one that we know pretty much the whole story about.

In 2003, the GenCon gaming convention moved from Milwaukee, Wisconsin to Indianapolis, Indiana. A young college student named Louis Hart was very excited about that. The 20 year old Hart, an avid roleplayer since he was 9 years old, had never been able to go to the convention in Milwaukee, but now, the con was right here in his home town.

According to friends and family, Louis hardly stopped talking about the con from the moment her heard about the move until he spoke his last words. On the morning of the first day of the convention, as his friends and he drove past the convention center, Louis said “I can’t believe I’m finally going to GenCon”, then promptly died from a heart attack. His friends drove him to a nearby hospital, but it was too late.

Fast forward one year later and his friends were back at the con to “roll the dice and buy some games in his memory”. And then, about 2 minutes after they walked through the door Bob Zane, childhood best friend of Louis, sees him walking along toward the Dealer’s Room.

As you might expect, Bob freaked out and when he pointed Louis out, so did the other three friends. They ran toward Louis, only to see him disappear. Rather terribly scared, they panicked and called 911. Naturally, the 911 dispatcher wrote them off as crank callers, but all 911 calls are monitored discreetly by the Special X Unit. Within an hour, there were two agents talking to Bob and his pals. After the interview, they told the young folks that they most likely had a hallucination brought on by stress. The four admitted that it was possible. They then had a great two days at the con until they saw Louis again, this time standing and watching a card game tournament. They then left the con at a high rate of speed and have never been back.

Over the years, Louis has been seen many times, including by FBI agents and security cameras. He appears solid, but cannot speak and cannot interact with material objects. He often looks rather sad, probably because he cannot play or buy games.

At GenCon in 2020, the special X Unit is going to try to make contact with Louis and help him play a game of D&D. They hope this might be enough to send him on his way in the afterlife.

Where Was Charlie When The House Fell Down?

…we never found out

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The Doclopedia #1,900

State Secrets: Hawaii – Pele Gone Walkin’

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Almost certainly, we are not talking about the literal Hawaiian volcano goddess. Note the “almost”, because in the world of weird shit, you should never say never. Still, members of the FBI Special X Unit are betting that this particular version of Pele is a mutant with some distinct fire abilities and a specific diet.

Unlike many of the strange humans and cryptids out there, this one has been recorded killing on half a dozen occasions. This is thanks to a unique heat sensing camera developed by X Unit scientists. Several hundred of these cameras are mounted on very tall poles around the islands, while a few are on drones that fly regular routes. They have caught “Pele” killing and feeding on 4 islands.

The scenarios are very similar. A young woman encounters a man, talks to him for a bit, walks along with him until they come a secluded place, then kills him. The killing involves her rapidly changing into a larger form made of what really looks like lava. The victim dies fairly quickly, going into shock almost as soon as she changes.

The feeding is less easy to discern, but we know from autopsies that almost all of the phosphorus and calcium are drained from the bodies. Yes, bones are mostly calcium, which meant that the badly burned corpse is even more grotesque than you imagine.

One more thing about “Pele” should be noted. Like more than a few mutants, she feeds a given number of times, in her case 5, and then vanishes to go into hibernation. Once she is hibernating, she will sleep for from 16 to 20 years. Based upon police and other records, we know “Pele” is at least 210 years old.

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The Doclopedia #1,901

State Secrets: Idaho – Potato Man

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To set the record straight, Potato Man is not a man or a potato. The creature is an alien, in fact, at least 4 aliens. Their odd looking heads do look something like a potato, hence the name.

It is suspected that these aliens, who are bipedal with two arms, are scientists who come to study flora and fauna in the Idaho area. They have never done anything aggressive to humans or animals, although every so often they are seen by humans. Fortunately, all of these encounters happened quickly and have been attributed to youthful pranks.

This Blog Certified Organic

…we were trying for orgasmic

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The Doclopedia #1,897

State Secrets: Florida – Mister Sandman

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For the last 15 years, a killer has been stalking the beaches of Florida. From St. Augustine down to Miami, more than 50 people have died at the hands of an entity known as the Sandman.

While scientists and law enforcement have no idea as to what the Sandman is the know for certain how it kills. The attacks have been caught on video six times, two of those being the same attack from different angles and distances. Sandman waits for a lone person to walk into an area free of other people, then it comes up from the sand and grabs them with four arms before dragging them down into the sand. The body is usually found a hundred or so yards away a few hours later. Death occurs from asphyxiation due to being under the sand and usually into a zone of wet sand/

The bodies, when found, look deflated. This is because most or all of the internal organs are gone, dissolved from the inside. Most of the blood is also gone. Strangely, there is never any sand inside the bodies. It’s also worth pointing out that one organ is never dissolved. Sandman apparently doesn’t eat brains.

Finding and stopping the Sandman is a Priority One job for the Special X Unit of the FBI. For the last ten years, there have been 6 agents permanently assigned to the task. So far, they have stopped two attacks, but have still not captured or destroyed the Sandman.

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The Doclopedia #1,899

State Secrets: Georgia – Really Underground Atlanta

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Many people have taken the Underground Atlanta tour, which, like the Underground Seattle tour, is possible because part of the city was built on top of the old city. But Atlanta has one interesting feature that no other underground city has: an entrance to a whole other underground world.

Now, this is not an actual doorway, but more like a teleportation spot that moves around and changes in size. People walk onto it and just disappear from our world. The world they step into is quite different.

This other world seems to be an enormous cavern, possibly ten miles or more long and at least two miles wide. The roof of it is maybe 200 feet above the ground. It is dimly lit by some glowing substance, and seems to be inhabited by albino animals and humans of various degrees of sanity. Plant life is mostly varied types of fungus and mosses. A few small streams run into a small shallow river that eventually disappears into small cracks in the ground.

We know all of this because in 2010, two United States Marines stepped into the world and spent four days there. On the fourth day, they must have stepped on another teleport spot, because they were suddenly standing in a park on the other side of Atlanta.

When debriefed, the Marines said that they had survived by killing a small albino pig for food. They said that when they started a small fire to cook it, all hell broke loose as animals ran away from the light of the fire.

They met a few humans, most of whom seemed to be quite delusional. They could get no decent information from anyone, but they did note that one woman was wearing the tattered remains of an MTV t-shirt. The FBI believes she may have been a teen girl who disappeared in 1984.

After the debriefing, both Marines were drugged and had their memories altered to believe that they had taken part in a highly classified training mission.

It is fortunate that very few people have ever disappeared into the underground world. The FBI places the number at about 15-18 in the last 75 years. Monitoring Underground Atlanta is a top priority for both the state of Georgia and the Feds.

A Newt Who Loved Fruit Played A Lute In A Boot And Looked Very Cute

…and he made good loot

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The Doclopedia #1,895

State Secrets: Connecticut – Old Vinegar

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The dog known to the government of Connecticut and the FBI as “Old Vinegar”, does indeed smell faintly of vinegar, but he is not actually a dog. Well, he is a dog, mostly, but he has a good deal of human DNA, too. It was the result of a government experiment gone either very right or very wrong. Nobody is quite sure because the lab and all the records burned up when the dog escaped. All the living creatures in the lab survived, but oddly, the humans had all of their memories about the experiment wiped clean.

Old Vinegar made his way to Connecticut in 1988 and has been here ever since. He has a history of helping people and animals in need and sometimes stopping crimes. He has been seen all over the state, but people never seem to remember which way he went when he left them. Despite nearly 32 years of looking for him, the Feds have never even come close to catching him.

Old Vinegar resembles a very large yellow Labrador retriever. His eyes are green instead of the usual brown and his head seems just a tiny bit too large. He has an IQ equal to a very smart human. He definitely has mind control powers and may have telepathy and telekinesis, too.

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The Doclopedia #1,896

State Secrets: Delaware – Della

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This is our first lake monster, although it does not strictly stay in fresh water and calling it a monster is a stretch. Additionally, there isn’t just one of them, there are a whole bunch of them, at least 30.

Physically, Della looks like a very large seal with a longer (4′) neck and (5′) tail. They are about the size of a female Northern Elephant Seal, so maybe 2,500 pounds, but longer at 18 feet. Their coloring is a uniform light gray blue. They are definitely mammals and definitely omnivores. Their breeding habits, along with everything else about them, are not known. It is believed that they spend at lease the winter months in South or Central America.

Della seems to be most active at night, so sightings are rare. Add to this the fact that when they are seen, it’s almost always just the head and a couple of feet of neck, so people mistake them for large seals. They travel almost exclusively via water, so that reduces sightings, too.

The very few times Della has been seen on land, they were either seen from a distance or by intoxicated individuals in rural areas. The government is so far doing a good job of discrediting any sightings. Oddly, Delaware and the Feds are actually just protecting an endangered species, something rare in this day and age.

Urgent Eel News

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The Doclopedia #1,893

State Secrets: California – The Beast Of The Buttes

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In the Central Valley of Northern California, just a bit west of Yuba City, you’ll find the Sutter Buttes, the remnants of an ancient volcano. This roughly circular set of mountains is about 10 miles across and called the world’s smallest mountain range. The native people called them the “Middle Mountains”, sitting as they do between the Sierra Nevada range and the Coast Range. Most of the land comprising the Buttes is privately owned.

Since 1921, there have been reports of a strange creature roaming not only the mountains, but the the area around them. It has only ever been seen at night or during early dawn or late dusk.

The creature is humanoid in shape, but with very long arms and legs. It appears to be covered in long greenish yellow hair and has two very large eyes. The mouth is wide and does not seem to have teeth. No nose has been detected.

As far as anyone can tell, the creature is harmless to humans or livestock. It has only been sighted by perhaps 30 people in the last hundred years, and about 20 of those were people who had been drinking. No sighting has lasted longer than about 15 seconds.

With the Buttes being such a small area, you’d think that the swarms of police, federal agents and cryptid hunters would have found it by now, but there has never been a sign of tracks or excrement or any other physical evidence. So the legend, well known in the area, persists.

Now, you may be wondering where is the secret in a well known, well studied cryptid like this one. Well, to learn that, you’d have to dig deep into the Defense Department file known as “Project Visitor”. They seem to indicate that the Beast of the Buttes might be an extraterrestrial visitor that actually lives inside one of the mountains. That right there is the secret and it’s why the FBI only went out one time and made a show of investigating.

Some state secrets hide in plain sight.

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The Doclopedia #1,894

State Secrets: Colorado – Rocky Mountain Highway To Hell
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US Highway 40 runs through the northern portion of Colorado, coming in from Utah and going all the way to Denver. It runs right through the Rocky Mountains and millions of people drive on it every year, many of them tourists. But sometimes, bad people drive on US 40, and some of them live to regret it, because sometimes US 40 becomes a highway to hell.

 

The first incidence of this happening was in 1927, not long after the highway opened in 1926. David Connerly and Paul Trainor, a pair of career criminals whose crimes included robbery, assault, burglary and murder, were heading west out of Denver after robbing a gas station. Once they were on 40, they hit the gas, figuring they would turn off on 125 when they got to Granby and then head north into Wyoming. Police were on their tail, but miles back. The police in Granby were waiting for them. But they never showed up. A manhunt went on for three days, stopping when Connerly & Trainor walked into the Granby sheriff’s office, scared out of their minds and begging to be arrested.

Even before the two men could be returned to Denver, they began frantically confessing to crimes going back to their childhoods. When they weren’t confessing, they were begging God and Jesus to forgive them.

Once in Denver, the story came out that as they drove along that night, the highway “just opened up and swallowed us and we were in Hell”. They then told of spending three days being shown the tortures of the damned and being abused by demons. Then, they “fell into a pit and were back in the mortal world 5 miles outside of Granby. Their car was found a week later, parked among some trees. Both men eventually got life in prison, where they were model prisoners until the day they died.

Instances of this sort happen at least once a year along US 40. Most of the time, the visitors to Hell have long rap sheets, but once in a while, evil is exposed that was otherwise hidden, as with the various bad cops, clergymen and politicians that have smelled the brimstone.

The government of Colorado and the Feds cover up much of this, but they have also not found any explanation for it. In 1958, they brought over a team from the Vatican to check out the highway. All but two of them disappeared for three days. When they came back, they were incurably insane. The Vatican now refuses to allow any more Catholic clergy to travel on US 40.

A Tale Of Two Kitties

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The Doclopedia #1,891

State Secrets: Arizona – The Sedona Spider

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Sedona, Arizona, is a small town of around 10,000 people. It’s noted as being a hub for those of a spiritual nature/New Agers, hikers, folks who like the red rock formations and, from the early days of cinema until the 1970s, a location for many western movies.

But nobody talks about the enormous spider that roams the countryside a few miles outside of town. Of course, that’s mostly because the authorities bust their asses to keep it a secret. The FBI Special X Unit, which you’ll never see mentioned in any official way, monitors the area around Sedona heavily.

The spider itself was first sighted in 1956 about 15 miles north of Sedona by a local rancher. He described it to the sheriff as being the size of a fully grown steer and looking like a red tarantula. Given that the movie “Tarantula”, which was about a gigantic spider, had come out the year before, the sheriff thought the rancher was pulling his leg. But when they went out to have a look around and saw the spider moving along the top of a ridge, the sheriff got in touch with the Feds ASAP.

The speed with which the FBI and military arrived tipped the sheriff off that maybe they knew about the spider already. Naturally, they told him nothing except that talking about anything related to the spider would get him tossed into prison.

Despite a 60 year effort to capture or kill the spider, the government has been unsuccessful. There are plenty of theories and excuses as to why, but whatever the reason, the Sedona Spider still roams free.

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The Doclopedia #1,892

State Secrets: Arkansas – The Gateway Lake

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If you head north from Little Rock, after around 65 miles, you’ll reach Greer’s Ferry Lake, a fair sized reservoir popular with fishermen, boaters and tourists. There are several small towns located around the lake. The dam and lake were completed in July of 1964.

But out on the lake is one of the greatest mysteries of all time: A stable, moving wormhole that links Greer’s Ferry Lake with lakes all over the world.

The “gateway”, as it is called, first opened up on September 20th, 1966. There were few boats on the lake early in the morning when James Birch and Sonny Walden went out to do some fishing. As the later told the FBI, they were headed out from the boat ramp at Heber Springs and were “maybe a mile out” when suddenly the daylight went from just after dawn to late afternoon and they were on a much different lake.

That was because they were now on Lagao do Bonfim in Brazil, near the city of Sao Jose de Mipibu. When the Brazilian feds picked the two panicked men up and heard their story, they immediately isolated them and got in touch with the FBI in the US. Our country isn’t the only one that has to deal with weird secret shit.

James and Sonny were back in Arkansas the next day and thanks to them still having three days before they were supposed to be home and the usual threats of prison time, the secret never got out.

Over the next 50 years, the government has figured out a few things about the gateway.

1: It can open anywhere on the lake, but has never appeared anywhere on the Little Red River that feeds into and out of the lake, nor has it ever appeared on land.

2: The gateway only ever links to other freshwater lakes.

3: It is not open all the time. Sometimes it stays closed for up to three years.

4: The wormhole seems to be about 40 feet across.

5: The wormhole stays open and connected to the other lake for up to 90 minutes. If a swimmer or a boat turns right around and aims for the shimmer in the air, which is hard to see, they can come back.

6: Only man made devices and living creatures on them, or humans swimming or floating, can pass through the gateway. This explains why no non-native creatures have appeared in Greer’s Ferry Lake or lakes connected to it.

7: So far, there is no known way to detect or track the gateway.

My Life Among The Talking Animals

…who seldom shut up
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The Doclopedia #1,889

State Secrets: Alabama – The Spirit of Selma

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No government official in Alabama will ever talk about it. Neither will the FBI, although they’ve had people investigating it since 1971. Any regular folks involved clam up, too, unless you can catch one really drunk. We learned what we know because a couple of folks in Alzheimer’s care facilities talked about it. And we hacked the FBI’s “secure” database.

“It” is what is referred to, when it’s referred to at all, as “The Spirit of Selma”, although a better name might be the “Bloody Sunday Spirit”. Whatever you choose to call it, it first appeared 5 years to the day after the March 7, 1965 Selma to Montgomery civil rights march was attacked by police and newly deputized white men. That day, 17 marchers were hospitalized and 50 treated for other injuries.

Five years later, to the hour, some of those attackers started dying.

The first two were found beaten to death along Highway 80, just outside of town. The coroner determined that they had been beaten with 1960s era police nightsticks. The killing was written off as a revenge killing, but before anyone could be arrested and railroaded, things got strange and spooky.

The next day a former police officer was found hanging from the Edmund Pettus Bridge. The strange thing wasn’t that he was dead, because a lynching will do that to you. No, it was the fact that there was no visible rope holding him up. As soon as an officer climbed up and felt for a rope he couldn’t see, the body dropped onto the road.

Over the last 5 decades, 2 to 5 people, all men, all white, all racists, have died by beatings, hanging, trampling by horses, shooting, what is being called “hellfire”, and heart attacks brought on by extreme terror. Many of them were involved in in the Bloody Sunday events.

The deaths have been officially labeled everything from drunken driving to suicide to accidental death to natural causes. Nobody ever calls them murders, the state sees to that.

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The Doclopedia #1,890

State Secrets: Alaska – The Snow Man

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There could well be a hundred strange things going on in Alaska that nobody will ever know about. It’s a huge state mostly covered with wilderness and it has a small population for it’s size.

But one strange thing is known about, at least to state officials and the native people: The Snow Man.

This is not Frosty, folks. This thing is about 7 feet tall, humanoid shaped and as far as anyone can tell, either made of snow or heavily covered in it. No facial or body features have ever been seen. It also does not leave footprints in the snow. No excrement or urine attributable to it has ever been found. The Snow Man has never been known to attack a human or animal.

According to native legend, the creature was here when they got here, which would be about 14,000 years ago. It has been seen by white men since at least 1750. Nobody has ever seen more than one Snow Man, so it could well be the only one of it’s kind.

The Snow Man is not quite the secret that other strange creatures are, but the few historical mentions of it are attributes to native stories or the ramblings of old sourdoughs who’ve spent to long out in the wild alone.

So why does the state keep the Snow Man a well guarded secret? As a former head of the state police once said, “to keep every goddamn crazy in the world from coming here to catch it and causing trouble”. The native people fully agree with that.