Two Bones For Sister Silky

…a comedy western

 

 

The Doclopedia #1,300

Strange Bandanas: The Fluorescent Pink One

I own hundreds of bandanas. Many of them have strange stories connected to them. Here is one…

The Fluorescent Pink bandana is a fun loving social butterfly of a fellow, gay as Halloween on Polk Street and totally out of the closet. While he has no effect on me sexually, I do tend to dress much better and dance more when I wear him. I also attract the attention of women looking for a best male friend.

This bandana is possessed by the spirit of a man who lived in San Francisco from 1925 until his death in February of 1999, the same month I bought the bandana in a shop on Castro Street in that fair city. I’m sure F.P. Will not mind me saying he was a bit disappointed to be purchased by a straight guy living in the Central Valley, but he adapted nicely. I return, every year for Pride Week I loan him to my friend Ramon and they spend a week in The City living it up.

Amarillo Armadillo

…YAHOOOOO!

 

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The Doclopedia #1,298

Strange Bandanas: The Desert Camo One

I own hundreds of bandanas. Many of them have strange stories connected to them. Here is one…

At last count, I have 9 different camouflage bandanas. The Desert Camo one is the strangest of the bunch in that if I am wearing it in an actual desert, I become invisible. Pretty handy, you must admit.

While I do not spend much time in deserts, the Desert Camo bandana has let me do such things as…

Punch Erwin Rommel in the junk the night before the Siege of Tobruk.

Escape from a pissed off dinosaur

Hide from a group of Apache warriors after a misunderstanding concerning the sister of one of them.

Sneak up to a meth lab in Arizona and set it on fire.

Accidentally stumble upon a group of ladies bathing in an oasis pool.

Watch John Ford direct movies in Monument Valley.

And avoid countless attacks by wild pigs, bobcats, crazed old miners, coyotes and other dangerous desert denizens. (Note: Being invisible does NOT prevent getting bitten by rattlesnakes)

All in all, I’d have to say that this bandana is one of my favorites.
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The Doclopedia #1,299

Strange Bandanas: The Green Tie Dyed One

I own hundreds of bandanas. Many of them have strange stories connected to them. Here is one…

The strangeness of this bandana is simple: it was dyed with several shades of green hemp based dye, to which some dedicated toker added plenty of THC and some magic. As a result of this, if I wear it for more than about 30 minutes, I get high as a kite. Taking it off stops the effect, but it takes about 5 minutes and then I have a terrible case of the munchies.

I never wear this bandana in public, but sometimes slip it on to watch a movie at home, surrounded by the wife, dogs and snack foods that I love.

Fish & Chipmunks

…do NOT put malt vinegar on them

The Doclopedia #1,297

Strange Bandanas: The Silver One

I own hundreds of bandanas. Many of them have strange stories connected to them. Here is one…

The silver bandana was given to me by the sole survivor of ancient Lemuria, back in 1895. He gave it to me after I had helped him steal a powerful Lemurian jewel from a museum in Berlin. He then used the power of the jewel to leave this life and join his long gone people. Before going, however, he gave me the bandana and wished me well.

The silver bandana allows me to travel into the astral plane, which, contrary to what the mystic shit crowd tells you, is a very boring place. On the other hand, it does let you pass through walls, which is great if you lock yourself out of the house or car.

The bandana lets me speak with my spirit animal, who is a turtle and doesn’t have much to say except “Slow and steady wins the race” or “Relax and take it easy”.

I’m also lead to believe that the silver bandana can protect me from Vampires, but I’m not going to find a vampire to try it out on.

Adventure Module R-1: The Mountain Hall Of The Porn Dwarves

…umm, why is the floor sticky?

 

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The Doclopedia #1,294

Strange Bandanas: The Black & Red Checkered One

I own hundreds of bandanas. Many of them have strange stories connected to them. Here is one…

No doubt about it, this bandana is a troublemaker. Every time I’ve ever worn it, I’ve done things I later regretted.

I got the Black & Red Checkered bandana from a fellow who made it as part of a sewing class while he was doing a dime in a Federal penitentiary. I guess the bandana absorbed the overall rulesbreaking badness such places are full of.

So, really, it is the fault of the bandana that I have done such things as get into barroom brawls.

And purchase illicit substances.

And consort with ladies of the night.

And play games involving money changing hands.

And drive a police vehicle when I was not, nor have I ever been, a cop.

But, of course, I stopped wearing that naughty bandana many years ago and am now a pillar of Good Citizenship.

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The Doclopedia #1,295

Strange Bandanas: The Navy Blue One

I own hundreds of bandanas. Many of them have strange stories connected to them. Here is one…

This bandana is, I think, the third one I ever bought, so it is nearly 40 years old. Back in the day, I wore it at least a couple of days per week for about a year. As a result, it is chock full of Docness, so much so that it actually allows me to create an instant clone of myself that acts just like me for about 10 minutes before fading away. Sadly, I can only do it once every 48 hours or I risk a blinding headache.

These clones are useful for doing stuff where two hands are not enough, like holding something in place while also holding a nail and hammering. They also prove very helpful for running quick errands or escaping pursuers of a violent nature. Naturally, they are excellent for help cleaning house or diverting canine attention while I slip out the front door without causing a riot.