Sly Cockatoos Disrupted My Revelry

…and then they laughed…sob…they laughed!

 

The Doclopedia #977

The Strange Corners Chronicle: September 9, 1861

ODD LIGHTNING IS EXPLAINED

The bright flashes of light that were seen east of town the last three nights have been explained by Doctor Strange. It seems the good doctor and his friend Victor Franklin have been doing some experiments with electricity that have resulted in the reports of lightning strikes on these recent cloudless summer nights. He also informs this reporter that the experiments have now ended, so no further nighttime displays are forthcoming.

MORTUARY BURNS TO THE GROUND, OWNERS DEAD

At some point on Saturday, just after dawn, a fire broke out at the Sark & Lucius Mortuary, claiming the lives of Mr. Lucius and the seldom seen Mr. Sark. According to Father Lonigan and Doctor Singh, who were first on the scene, the blaze was caused to spread by some of the chemicals used in the embalming process. By the time the alarm was raised and a bucket brigade was formed, firefighting was limited to preventing a grass fire that might spread to other buildings. The mortuary burned to the ground. Sheriff Tanner investigated and said that he found only a few remaining bones of the two men, such was the heat of the fire.

In a related note, Jobe Skinner claims to have head several loud noises coming from the building just before the fire started. Of course, friend Skinner had been drinking, which would explain his additional sighting of “hundreds of rats” leaving the building as it started to burn.

SORT NEWS BITS

Construction of the Town Hall is underway at last. The building, when completed, will house the Mayoral offices, the Town Council meeting room, the Town Clerk and the Tax Office.

New businesses have come to Strange Corners. Mr. Esposito and his family have set up the Esposito Nursery just south of town and will have many fine trees, shrubs and vines for sale. At the other end of town, Miss Tunstin has opened a book store that will have many fine new and used books. Finally, Mr. & Mrs Kalaniki have set up a photography studio inside the Excelsior Hotel and are open for business Tuesday through Saturday from 9 to 5.

Young Will Packard informs us that he will be selling both hogs and goats for butchering within the week. He says that those interested may place their orders now for delivery at the end of the month.

In a final note, Loyd Unger. Manager of the Town Dump, reports that a large pile of muck has gone missing. This muck, composed mostly of barn waste, decomposing animal carcasses, swamp mud and chemicals from Doctor Stranges laboratory, apparently went missing last Thursday night. Spots of muck on the ground show it was taken in the direction of Sunly Swamp. Loyd was at a loss to explain anyone stealing half a ton of muck, but this reporter suspects a prank by local lads in the offing.

Aliens Took My Artichokes!

…and a gallon jar of mayonaise

 

The Doclopedia #976

The Strange Corners Chronicle: July 15, 1861

OUR YOUNG MEN JOIN THE ARMY

Yesterday, 18 of the finest young men of this town rode off to Sacramento to catch the train east, so as to join the Army in opposing the Confederacy in this insane secession and war. Among them were the Wolf brothers, Andrew and James, who were so helpful in aiding Sheriff Tanner in stopping the cattle mutilations some months back. Another volunteer is Cal Gomez, our young printers aide who has promised to send us regular updates concerning the war. We are sure that he will be a first rate reporter. Before being sent off by nearly the entire town, Madame Palushka gave each young man a ring that she says will bring “good luck and safety”. We certainly hope they help our boys to return home safely.

SUMMER CROPS LOOKING GOOD

Area farmers have informed us that the crops now growing are looking very good. Uncommon light summer rains have aided things greatly, as have the noticeable lack of insects and rodents. This is in marked contrast to Round Valley, a mere 20 miles from here, where they are experiencing a plague of insects and rodents.

DAUGHTERS OF NATURE HOLDING WEEKLY MEETINGS

After being asked by this reporter, Mrs. Ceres Zane confirmed that the ladies club known as the Daughters of Nature have indeed been holding weekly meetings at her farm and have been doing so since early May. She reports that these meetings have been highly productive, although she declined to reveal any more to this reporter, a mere male.

STRAY DOG HAS A NAME

The medium sized shaggy dog that has been hanging around town this last month seems to have acquired a name by some strange consensus. Hereby known as Bob, the little fellow has shown himself to be both smart and brave, having chased a bobcat off the saloon porch and prevented little Mary Sweeney from being run over by a wagon. Bob seems to have taken up residence on the hotel porch and is available for petting or treats at any time.

The Rare And Beautiful Miniature Sharks Of Potawango Island

…it would take one abour a week to eat your leg

 

The Doclopedia #975

The Strange Corners Chronicle: January 12, 1863

TOWN MOURNS COLONEL STRANGE

Our fair town mourns the death of Colonel Wallace Strange, former officer of the United States Army, world explorer, expert on things strange & mystical and co-founder of this town. The Colonel died at 2 pm yesterday at his ranch north of town. He had been in poor health since returning from South America in May of 1861. His brother, Doctor Samuel Strange, noted that during that ill fated expedition, all but three men involved died and his brother had barely recovered from an infection brought on by a large bite from some still unknown creature.

The Colonel will be transported back to the family cemetery in Vermont for burial. The Doctor will host a memorial service tomorrow at the ranch.

PROFESSOR MARLIN BEGINS CONSTRUCTION OF HOME ATOP OAK RIDGE

Having purchased 1,200 acres on the Ridge, Professor Augustus Marlin has hired many local workers to commence the building of his home there. A scholar of some note in his homeland of England, the Professor has chosen to live in our area due to “a splendid convergence of energies” that our town apparently centers upon.

This reporter was allowed to see the plans for the home and they are unique. They mostly consist of a medium sized home with an attached 90 foot tall tower. When asked about the inclusion of the tower, Professor Marlin would only say that it was “traditional” and would also give an amazing view of the town and surrounding area.

The 9 Things You Will Never Get Your Cat To Do

…#1: Admit he/she was wrong

 

The Doclopedia #974

The Strange Corners Chronicle: November 11, 1860

SHERIFF INVESTIGATES LIVESTOCK DEATHS

Sheriff Tanner on Monday departed town with a posse of 4 men in search of the person or persons responsible for the deaths and mutilation of several head of sheep, two steers and a hog. At first, it was thought that wolves were responsible for the deaths, because Farmer Knudson claimed to have heard wolves howling the night his steers were slain. After some investigation and the discovery of “odd footprints”, the Sheriff decided that the killings were done by men, possibly aided by large dogs. It should also be noted that wolves have not been seen in this area since 1780.

COLONEL STRANGE TO SET OUT ON EXPEDITION TO AMAZON

Having set up his cattle operation to his satisfaction, Colonel Strange has announced that he will be leaving on an expedition up the Amazon River shortly after Christmas. This expedition has the goal of mapping and exploring the Great Plateau that sits on the border of Brazil and Venezuela, a place never before visited by civilized man.

We expect to be gone for 6 months or so”, the Colonel told this reporter. “Our party will include scientists, former military men and locals that know the area. I expect we will return with specimens of many new species, as well as photographs.”

We wish the Colonel well on this, his latest expedition into the unknown.

CRAB DINNER AT ST. VALDEMAR’S CHURCH

Father Lonigan informs us that the church board are bringing in a wagon load of Dungeness crabs from San Francisco on the 15th, on which evening a crab dinner shall be served at the church hall. Everyone is invited and the cost is 25 cents per adult and 10 cents per child over the age of 5 years. Many fine foods other than crab will be served and this reporter intends to be there and tuck in.

Post Modern Posts

…about posts?

 

This new theme will build up with each post. Here are the first tw0.

 

The Doclopedia #972

The Strange Corners Chronicle: May 1, 1860

TOWN OF STRANGE CORNERS FOUNDED ON THIS DAY!

This newspaper is proud to have the above headline in out first issue and predicts that this fine town, founded by Doctor Samuel Strange and his brother, Colonel Wallace Strange (Ret.), will soon become a beacon for people of all walks of life looking to make their homes and businesses in the beautiful foothills if the Sierra Nevada mountains. Our excellent farmland, wonderful climate and abundant resources will act as a magnet for prosperity and a good life.

For those new to town, our fine Main Street businesses already include Hartwell’s General Store, the Excelsior Hotel, Los Lobos Mexican Restaurant, Sweeney’s Saloon, Chow Yen Laundry, the Blue Bell Bakery, A-1 Chop House, Madame Palushka’s Curios, Wartner’s Stable & Blacksmith and Danver’s Feed & Seed.

Several new businesses are proposed and we are happy to report that several farms are starting up just outside town. Our two churches, the Church of St. Valdemar and the Southern Baptist Church, will surely be just the first of many. Our fine new school, Strange Corners Elementary, is a model of modern school design.

As part of our grand celebration this week, Doctor Strange and the Colonel are both opening their homes to the public. In them, you will see, respectively, excellent collections of items scientific and mystical, as befits the interest of each brother. Many items of a historic nature are also to be seen, as well as the many curious artifacts collected in far off lands.

It is also noted that a band shall perform in the town square each day this week, at noon and again at six. On Saturday night, a fireworks extravaganza will take place.

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The Doclopedia #973

The Strange Corners Chronicle: July, 14, 1860

ODD “BEAR” SIGHTED

Farmer Henry Osgood and his son, Jeremy, have reported seeing a large creature they think was a bear in the vicinity of Quartz Creek. Said bear was reported to be walking on its hind legs and had a long shaggy coat of fur. It was viewed by both men for a full minute before vanishing into the woods of Cutter Hill. Sheriff Tanner investigated and said that, aside from finding some large footprints, he did not see the creature and believes it may have been just passing through on the way to higher country.

NEW BUSINESSES OPEN

We are very pleased to announce that Mr. & Mrs. Chatwood have finally opened their furniture store. This establishment has a wide selection of fine furniture at excellent prices. Hours are 8 am to 6 pm daily. Closed Sundays.

Doctor Singh has opened his Dental office at 84 Main street as of yesterday. Educated in London, Dr. Singh has as modern a setup as you will find between San Francisco and Denver. Hours are 7 am to 5 pm all days except Friday. Emergency visits will be taken at any hour.

Mr. Sark & Mr. Lucius are pleased to announce that the S&L Mortuary is open for business from dawn to dusk 7 days a week. Recent emigres from Europe, these gentlemen offer all services related to the dearly departed, from pick up of the body to burial in the town cemetery.

DAUGHTERS OF NATURE HOLD FIRST MEETING

It is reported to us that the group Daughters of Nature held their first meeting on Saturday night at the home of Mrs. Ceres Zane. Being a group for women, this reporter is not privy to what was discussed, but was informed that 7 women were in attendance and things got off to a very fine start.