Under Constriction

…darn that python


The Doclopedia #851

Alt. Elections & Debates: Muldoon VS Watkins


On Earth 3B, one of the 20th Century’s most memorable debates took place October of 1922 in New York City. Michael Muldoon and Harold Watkins were both running for Governor and it was time for their first public debate, which was to be held in a large meeting hall. Attendance was very good, standing room only, as the two men entered the hall. Both were looking ready for a fight, which figured since both of them were the product of rough Irish neighborhoods and not prone to backing down on anything. The campaign so far had been one of much acrimony and mudslinging.


Witnesses said that the first two minutes of the debate were very nearly civil, right up until Muldoon called Watkins a “half Brit sodomite”, at which point Watkins “punched him so hard it knocked him off his feet”. From there on, the fighting picked up steam and overflowed into the street.


Muldoon was the larger man, but Watkins was no little guy and he had the edge in speed. They beat the hell out of each other over the course of 14 blocks, shouting out curses and campaign promises equally. The crowd, meanwhile, kept growing with each passing minute. This was, as one man later said, “the best feckin’ debate I ever saw”. Wisely, the police did not try to stop it, A few officers did, however, take bets on the “debate”.


In the end, both men were covered in mud and blood when Watkins finally landed the knockout blow. Just before he collapsed, he shouted out “And by God, that’s why you ought to vote for me!” Later on, Watkins & Muldoon were treated for a wide variety of injuries.


Watkins won the election and served three terms. Muldoon later became Mayor of New York City and the two of them worked very well together.



The Doclopedia #852

Alt. Elections & Debates: Oogrok VS Sorgo


From the debate between Oogrok, Chief of the Round Valley Clan, and his opponent, Sorgo the Mighty Hunter, circa 18,000 BC. The moderator was Ikchuk, the Wise Woman.


Ikchuk: “Oogrok win rock toss. Me ask Oogrok first question, him answer, then Sorgo respond. Oogrok, you promise to find place where hunting easy. Hunting here not easy. WTF?”


Oogrok: “Me have found place with good water, plenty berries in summer, no cave bears. Me working on finding good hunting nearby, but this mean that all pitch in with food donations so me have food when going out looking.”


Sorgo: “Water good, yes. No cave bear, but sometimes big cats come, Oogrok! Berries not enough for whole clan for winter! And why you need so much food for simple 2-3 day hunting trip? Friends, Sorgo hunt and bring back meat! Sorgo find new hunting place where we can live!”


Ikchuk: “Sorgo, what you think of Oogrok plan to plant seeds and grow food plants near village?”


Sorgo: “Planting seeds unproven technology! Could anger sky gods! Next thing you know, Oogrok say we tame wolves! Hunting proven over many winters, my friends. Sorgo say hunt, baby, hunt!


Oogrok: “Sorgo want you to always move village to new hunting grounds! Oogrok say, why not grow food here, not move village? Last summer, we grow much food. This summer, Tomo make trap for fish in river, we dry many fish for winter. Sky gods no get mad. Soon, we plant tiny fruit trees nearby. No more walk long way for tree fruit!”


Ikchuk: “Oogrok, you recently say we should build houses out of logs & mud. This pretty radical idea, but you start work on first one. Cannot move this kind of house. You serious about us staying here?”


Oogrok: “Moving all the time dangerous and tiring. Oogrok say, live here, enbrace green technology, have better life. If Sorgo and friends want to go hunt, that ok, but Oogrok not want to get trampled by mammoth or eaten by cave bear. We make village here, live good, have many babies, not get eaten or trampled!”


Sorgo: “Oogrok want us to leave behind our valued tradition of moving to hunt! Oogrok have daangerous radical ideas! You no vote Oogrok! You vote Sorgo!


Ikchuk: “Thank you, men. Goodnight, Clan. You be sure to vote.”



If Adventure Has A Name, It Must Be…ADVENTURE!

…sheesh, do I have to explain everything?

Grace and I figured something out after watching “Heroes” Monday night: Claire, who heals really fast and is a virgin, WILL ALWAYS BE A VIRGIN. Well, physically, anyway. After every romp in the hay, her hymen will grow back. Grace’s reaction to that whole idea: “To hell with that. No fucking way!”

Also, we have learned in recent episodes that Claire cannot get drunk, no matter how much she drinks. So, no getting drunk and losing her cherry for Claire. It’s probably for the best that she missed her senior prom.