That Day We Climbed The Redwood Naked

…poor choices were made

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The Doclopedia #1,814

Ten Things You Did Not Know About: Texas

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1: 15% of Texans secretly rage at the fact that they have to eat avocados from California or Mexico.

2: The state never actually won independence from Mexico and has actually been paying that country rent.

3: Until 1952, most Texas armadillos were vicious killers with a venomous bite.

4: If a Texan goes more than a week without consuming chili, country fried steak or Dr. Pepper, they must move to any other state except Oklahoma.

5: Thanks to a concerted effort by it’s citizens, Austin has enough reserves of weird to last 3 years, should the need arise.

6: Every coyote in Texas is a registered Republican.

7: Every roadrunner in Texas is a registered Democrat.

8: Being from California or New York is a minor misdemeanor in Texas.

9: All roads leading into Oklahoma warn drivers that they are abandoning true civilization for a society that puts beans in it’s chili.

10: 10% of the state is still in the 1920’s.

The Doclopedia #1,815

Ten Things You Did Not Know About: Dogs

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1: Most dogs understand human languages perfectly. They just think we aren’t very smart.

2: Dogs lick themselves because when they used to hire rats to lick them, humans freaked out.

3: The smartest dog has an IQ that the human scale cannot measure.

4: Canine based teams have won more Crazy Game World Cups than any other species.

5: Humans know Lassie was usually played by a male dog. Dogs know that they were actually trans bitches.

6: Dogs almost never play poker, smoke or drink alcohol.

7: Sooner or later, every dog couple has sex in the “human style” position.

8: The greatest dog minds still cannot figure out why humans keep throwing the fucking ball away.

9: 9 out of 10 dogs agree that cat poop is a gourmet delicacy

10: When human civilization finally collapses back to a Stone Age level, dogs have agreed to be our caretakers when we are rounded up and put on reservations.

The True Story Of of Ancient Alien Bigfoot

… it was just Nessie fucking around

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The Doclopedia #1,812

Ten Things You Did Not Know About: The Lunar Colony

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1: Viewed from the Earth, you will see one large (16 kilometer) blue dome surrounded by 8 smaller (8 kilometer) green domes.

2: The blue dome houses the Lunar Lake, which is nearly 150 meters deep

3: The smaller domes house forests and grasslands

4: Almost none of the 300,000 humans that work on the moon work above ground

5: Humans live in the L5 colonies and commute daily to the moon

6: The 9 domes are home to 1,600 species of plants and 900 species of animals

7: Lunar plants and animals grow much larger than they do on Earth

8: The Lunar Colony was founded in 1980 by 7 astronauts working for the Tempest Foundation

9: In 2030, the colony will be recognized as a sovereign nation

10: Tours of the 9 domes cost as little as $300 US per person

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The Doclopedia #1,813

Ten Things You Did Not Know About: Werewolves

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1: Some of them prefer to be called Lycanthropes

2: They all really loved Warren Zevon

3: Many prefer not to kill humans, as this causes lots of problems

4: There are secret “werewolf only” clubs for those nights of the full moon

5: They actually do enjoy a big dish of beef chow mein

6: They undress before they change, which saves then thousands of dollars in clothing bills

7: They really do hate vampires

8: While most have gray, brown or black fur, they are white, blonde and red werewolves

9: Wolfbane is not nearly as effective as most people think

10: Very few werewolves have perfect hair

Soup Cake!

…everybody loves it

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The Doclopedia #1,810

Ten Things You Did Not Know About: Class 5 Robots

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1: They have two brains! 1 Mark VII Mindmaster and 1 Mark IV Smarty

2: Class 5 Robots are made of steeluminum

3: They are superior in every way to Class 4 Robots

4: Class 5 Robots are fine companion robots

5: They can function in hostile environments, like fires or toxic waste dumps.

6: Class 3 Robots are primitive toys compared to Class 5 Robots

7: They can be trusted with delicate clothing, fine glassware and babies.

8: The best Class 2 Robot is unfit to polish the rollers on a Class 5 Robot

9: They can perform a wide variety of kitchen functions

10: Class 1 Robots are little better than rolling antique scrap heaps.

The Doclopedia #1,811

Ten Things You Did Not Know About: Dice

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1: In ancient times, the D12 was worshiped as a god.

2: On the whole, the D10 and the D8 are the kindest dice

3: Dice will breed freely in the proper setting

4: Lost dice often hide for years, but have also been known to teleport miles away

5: Dice are rich in Vitamin D

6: Dice are more prone to mutation than any other game component

7: The common D6 is a fairly calm and predictable die

8: D20s are known as the tricksters of the dice world.

9: A D4 will turn on you and attack in a hot second

10: The D100 is, in fact, not a die, but a golf ball with remarkable powers of mimicry

Make Big Money Taunting English Knniggits

…I’ll miss Terry Jones
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The Doclopedia #1,808

Ten Things You Did Not Know About: Godzilla

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1: He suffers from gout

2: He collects Mothra toys

3: His nickname is Zills

4: He did a 4 week run of his one kaiju play, “Tokyo Stomp, off Broadway in 1978

5: He is allergic to latex

6: He plays bass guitar

7: After “Gojira” (1954) he demanded and got 10% of the gross on all of the following movies he starred in

8: He has never been married

9: He loves baked beans

10: He and King Kong are actually good friends and often golf together

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The Doclopedia #1,809

Ten Things You Did Not Know About: Ducks

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1: More than 40% of them are named “Arthur”

2: They fly in a V formation just because it looks cool

3: Some of the females are venomous

4: They all pretty much hate Donald & Daffy

5: Certain species will travel in packs so they can hunt and kill duck hunters

6: As a species, they are noted for having poor money management skills

7: Many ducks are bilingual, speaking either goose, swan or chicken.

8: A duck named Arthur actually invented popcorn

9: Surprisingly, alcoholism is very rare among ducks

10: Ducks are excellent secret keepers

The 1982 LARP Disaster, or, How To Avoid The Police In An Abandoned Hospital.

…it seemed like a fun idea at the time
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The Doclopedia #1,536

Ten Things You Didn’t Know About…: Jump Drives

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1: The very first jump drive was invented by the Alaxians 2.75 million years ago. On it’s first use, it jumped a military ship into M’Tin space, which started a war that almost wiped out the Alaxians. It was 75,000 years before another jump drive was invented.

2: There is no such thing as the mythical J-16 Drive. All attempts to jump more than 75 light years at a time have ended with lost ships or explosions.

3: Among humans, only 11% of females and 9% of males can stay awake during a jump without getting sick to their stomachs.

4: While it is possible to shorten the length of time between jumps (18 days for a J-15), it is not recommended due to the risk of “Jump Drift”.

5: Jumping near a very large gravity well is not nearly as dangerous as the public is told.

6: Yes, you can jump through starts and planets, but not black holes.

7: Although JumpMaster Industries sells the most jump drives, the ones from Yoog Company are much longer lasting.

8: The most popular non-military jump drives are J-9 drives.

9: Although many ships do have up to 3 drives, using them in series means that all of them will need recalibration more often.

10: Do not believe the rumors. NOBODY has ever successfully jumped through a wormhole.

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The Doclopedia #1,537

Ten Things You Didn’t Know About…: Non-Human Terrans

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1: On average, they have higher IQs than humans.

2: With the exception of giant tortoises, no reptiles are sapient.

3: While they outnumber us by millions to one, only about a billion are sapient.

4: They have access to technology centuries ahead of ours.

5: They have roughly 3 million humans, whom they call “renfields”, working for them.

6: Their intelligence network is the greatest on earth and they know pretty much all our military & governmental secrets.

7: They actually own several well known multinational companies.

8: The NHT, and our planet, are recognized by the Galactic Counsel as 4^th Class Citizens (on a scale of 5). We humans, with about 10 exceptions, are not recognized. We are considered violent primitives.

9: The Non-Human Terran Alliance frowns on and discourages the extension of lives via cloning, android bodies or revival of the dead. They are in favor of extending lives via genetic manipulation.

10: Dogs make up the largest number of NHT.

Tie Dyed Boobs

…they were colorful and jiggly
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The Doclopedia #1,534

Ten Things You Didn’t Know About…: Doc Tempest

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1: He was not born in May of 1900, but was born in February of 1901.

2: In defiance of social mores of the time, he lived with two women, Jo O’Hara and Rita Diaz, without benefit of marriage to either one.

3: He was a very good, but not great, pilot.

4: He was the first “Doc” Tempest, but the 7^th in his crime fighting line. The rest were either “Captain” or “Doctor” Tempest.

5: He was allergic to uncooked celery.

6: Despite what was reported in the newspapers, his 1935 battle with “The Skymaster” did not result in injuries that kept him sidelined for 6 weeks. He was actually in Germany undercover.

7: Although his headquarters on Alcatraz Island was indeed his main base, he had many of his organizations departments spread out around the Bay Area.

8: It was Doc, not Steve Rogers, who kidnapped Adolph Hitler and brought him to London in January of 1944. He insisted that Rogers, who had assisted him, take the credit, because Doc didn’t want the publicity.

9: After he put his best friend, Sally Smithfield, into suspended animation in 1948, he told his family that he would be retiring in 1950.

10: His disappearance without a trace in 1950, in what seemed to be some sort of interdimensional rift, was faked. He actually assumed an identity he had created years earlier and dropped out of the public eye.

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The Doclopedia #1,535

Ten Things You Didn’t Know About…: Ogres

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1: They have almost no sense of taste, which is why eating disgusting things does not bother them.

2: Their urine is actually a powerful plant fertilizer.

3: They do not team up with orcs or goblins as often as people think, because they tend to find both of those species tasty.

4: The largest ogre ever encountered was named Yurguk. He stood 15 feet tall.

5: Ogres change sex about halfway through their lives, but unless you saw one naked, you’d never know.

6: Cherries are deadly poisonous to ogres.

7: Ogres will never intentionally kill a rabbit.

8: While the vast majority of ogres are incredibly stupid, about 1 in 20,000 has a human normal level of intelligence. They generally go live a solitary life.

9: Ogres can work in groups, but only if the group is from the same area. Ogres from different areas will fight.

10: The rumor that there are “Ice Ogres” in the far north is false.

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Funeral For A Fiend

…not a song by Elton John
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The Doclopedia #1,532

Ten Things You Didn’t Know About…: The Golden Worm

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1: The Golden Worm is actually only about 18 inched long.

2: It’s made of gold, but also contains silver and copper.

3: The eyes are made of three perfect star sapphires.

4: Contrary to popular belief, the Golden Worm was not discovered in 1889, but in 1876. It was hidden away for 13 years.

5: The legendary “Curse of the Golden Worm” has yet to be fully dismissed.

6: There have been 15 attempts to steal it since it went on display in the National Museum of Australia.

7: Nobody is 100% sure who made it or how it ended up in a temple in Burma.

8: Regardless of the temperature around it, the Golden Worm remains between 72 and 78 degrees, Fahrenheit.

9: Estimated value of the Worm is around 2.5 million dollars, as of 1933.

10: Sometimes, very late at night, the Golden Worm changes it’s position slightly.

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The Doclopedia #1,533

Ten Things You Didn’t Know About…: Rudy Aldorf

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1: He has 9 children by 5 different women, but he’s only been married to two of those women.

2: When he invented the Wonder Jet Pack, he was suffering from Itchy Nose Syndrome.

3: His dog, Baker, is actually a mutant coyote.

4: He set fire to his house twice while inventing the Laser Eye.

5: He is allergic to cantaloupes and raspberries.

6: He retired for 5 years after he invented the Self Cleaning Toilet.

7: He is left footed.

8: His middle name is Oscar.

9: He was born in Idaho, not Colorado as most biographers say.

10: His latest invention is the Self Repairing Computer.

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