Wicked Flamingos Pestered My Penguins

…pink bastards!

 

The Doclopedia #1,481

The Alphabet: Z is For…Zikritz

Among the Guldiartan Dwarves, the game of Zikritz might as well be the national pastime. Everyone played it when they were young and most bet on it when they become adults. Each Dwarven clan has their own pro team and when the Zikritz Cup is held every 3 years, work pretty much comes to a stop.

Zikritz is played on an X shaped field. Each arm of the X is 200 feet long and 50 feet wide. The goals are a pair of 5 foot wide holes in the center and similar 2.5 foot holes at the end of each arm. The arms are not smooth and flat, but have small hills and depressions all along them.

The game starts with 6 players from each team on the center of the field, facing outward around the two scoring holes. One player from each team is located in front of the scoring holes at each arm. When the horn blows, a ball is tossed into the midway point of one of the arms and the game is on.

Scoring is simple: get the ball into your team’s center hole and you score 1 point. Get it into your team’s hole in any arm and you score 3 points. Since this is a dwarven game, you can expect lots of shoving, tripping, tackling, punching and body slamming. Games run for exactly two hours, at which point the winning team is declared and then both teams head off for a raucous feast.

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The Doclopedia #1,482

The Alphabet: Z is For…Zenobia Savage

Now look, I ain’t sayin’ that Zenobia has anything more in common with that big bronze skinned guy than a last name. Then again, I ain’t sayin’ she don’t. I’m just sayin’ that it don’t take much observin’ to see all the similarities.

I mean, Zenobia is tall, right? 6’2” is taller than most men. She’s strong, too. Remember that time she knocked out that big German spy with one punch? That was damned impressive.

Then there’s how friggin’ smart she is. She’s a genius at all sorts of things. You an’ me, Joey, we ain’t idiots, an’ Stan is smarter than both of us, but she makes us all look dumb as doorknobs. She’s got them PhDs and stuff from universities.

Yeah, right, she’s rich, too. Got them cars an’ planes an’ boats an’ that big fancy house outside of Baltimore. Yeah, an’ that place out west in, whadda ya call it, Santa Barbera. I mean, we know she owns businesses an’ stuff, but maybe dear old dad gave her a nice grubstake after college.

Oh yeah, sure, she ain’t white like he is, but what of it? You gots Irish mixed with yer Puerto Rican an it’s plain to see that I ain’t one race or the other. I figure the big guy met some fine black woman an’ things went on from there. Ya know, rumor has it he’s got a half Chinese daughter and a son that’s half Navajo. Big handsome guy like him must be getting ladies on him like ants on a sugar bowl. Why, I’ll bet he…

Oh, hi, Zeno? Us, oh we was just yakkin’. Trouble somewhere? Hey, you know we’re yer boys!

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Fizzy Drinks And Fuzzy Minks

…FUN!

 

The Doclopedia #1,479

The Alphabet: Y is For…Yodeling Marmots

The Yodeling Marmots of Potawango Island comprise two distinct species. The Great Gray Yodeling Marmot lives just above the tree line in the Spotoo Mountains. The average about 24 inches long and weigh between 8 and 14 pounds. They are a uniform medium gray color. The males are the only ones that yodel, Their yodels are high pitched and usually about 30 seconds long. Yodeling is both a statement of territory and, in the fall, a mating call.

The Yellow Striped Yodeling Marmot is found substantially lower in not only the Spotoo Mountains, but in the Hekatuk and Colino Mountains as well. These smaller marmots seldom measure more than 16 inches long or weigh more than 6 pounds. Dark brown with a thin yellow stripe running down both sides of it’s body, both sexes yodel a deeper, shorter, yodel than their high mountain cousins.

The Doclopedia #1,480

The Alphabet: Y is For…Yodoy Forest

The Yodoy Forest on Panthos 4 is notable in that it slowly moves from place to place. 150 years ago, when humans first landed on the planet, the roughly 700,000 acre forest was 58 miles farther north and 123 miles farther east than it is now. Time lapse video from orbiting satellites shows this in a most astonishing manner. The trees actually move a few inches every couple of nights. Sometimes, they won’t move for a week, but will then move a foot or more in a single night.

The creatures that live in the Yodoy Forest seem to take this movement in stride. Human who have tried to live in the forest get mentally agitated at the constant subtle changes. No human has ever lasted more that 4 months in the forest.

Milk Bones Raining From The Sky!

…because I dropped the box

 

 

The Doclopedia #1,477

The Alphabet: X is For…X Series

The X series of adventure modules was published by 100 Dragon Games starting in February,1980, with “Goblin Hunt!” and finishing in August, 1981, with “Escape From Demon Mountain”. The series is widely considered the best 100 Dragon Games ever made. The complete series consists of…

Goblin Hunt!: A town/forest adventure for characters 1st-3rd level

Entering Goblinland: An underground adventure for characters 2nd-3rd level

The Caverns Of Chaos: An underground adventure for characters 3rd-4th level

Lair Of The Demon: A castle/dungeon adventure for characters 4th-5th level

Escape From Demon Mountain: An outdoor adventure for characters 5th-6th level

The series was notable for interesting (but not always trustworthy) NPCs, tough opponents, clever (but surprisingly non-lethal) traps, and a finale that proceeded down a mountain at breakneck speed.

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The Doclopedia #1,478

The Alphabet: X is For…Xol Xoz

Xol Xoz was a god of nature in the pantheon of the ancient Elzmarians. She was represented by a woman with flowers and vines growing out of her body. She was always accompanied by a moonfox and a teer bird.

It was said that where Xol Xoz walked, the plants grew larger and the animals more intelligent. When she would lie down to sleep, a grove of beautiful trees would soon grow in that spot. She was also known to bless women with easy childbirth.

Her husband was Han Horan, the water god, but she was said to have taken Ulus Uw, the earth god as a secret lover. This explains why the water erodes the land, but the land eventually fills up bodies of water.
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Isn’t It Time For Some Frivolity?

…of course it is!

 

 

The Doclopedia #1,475

The Alphabet: W is For…Worms Of Prall

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On the planet Prall, located 598 light years from Earth, the most popular tourist attraction are the Worms of Prall. These enormous creatures, each measuring as much as 5 miles long, gather once a year on the swamp continent Rellor to mate, after which the females lay eggs and then all of the adults die in a blaze of bright colors that is visible from space.

During their one year of life, Worms of Prall are hidden just a few feet below the surface of the ground. They feed on organic matter, growing very long, but only a dozen or so feet wide. They have almost no predators except loofs, renninn and gwirshbars. While the total population seldom tops 100,000, it has been known to drop to less than half that every few decades. Nobody knows why.

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The Doclopedia #1,476

The Alphabet: W is For…Wind Boat

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A wind boat uses the same magicks as a sky ship to float through the air, but at a much lower level. Because of this, wind boats never reach an altitude of more than 100 feet. They are also not powered by wind spells for propulsion, so they can only travel at the speed of the wind, or at the speed of rowers using large wind oars.

Wind boats are generally small, no longer than 24 feet or wider than 8 feet. They are mostly used for local travel, hauling passengers and goods. Still, many adventurers have used wind boats for long voyages, such as the time Tylin the Lucky and his band of adventurers crossed the Black Desert to reach the Maze of Xask, or when the Sisterhood of the Violet Dawn sailed two wind boats across the Great Inland Sea to the ruins of Glay Gudar.

Splendid Lily Had a Way With Words

…mostly naughty words

 

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The Doclopedia #1,471

The Alphabet: U is For…Upstairs At The Regal

On Noir Earth 3, the classiest nightclub in Kansas City is Upstairs At The Regal. Located on the 15th floor of the Regal Hotel, it features well stocked bars, top line entertainment and a staff that knows how to take care of the needs of the high rolling customers.

This is the place where you’ll find politicians, wealthy businessmen and criminal kingpins, often at the same table. Sometimes even in the same body. Deals get done here, with fortunes being made or taken over a perfectly made cocktail.

Not everyone here is a big mover and shaker. Many guests are just rich folks out to have a good time. They drink a bit too much, talk a bit too loud and keep the band playing hits until closing time.

Causing any sort of trouble here is a stupid move. The bouncers will be on you in a hot second and toss you into the elevator to the lobby. You won’t be allowed back soon, if at all.

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The Doclopedia #1,472

The Alphabet: U is For…Utah Creeper

Nobody knows how the salt tolerant plant known as the Utah Creeper got started, or even if it is from this planet, but it can’t be denied that it is doing well.

In 1910, when the vines were first discovered in salty soil near the Great Salt Lake, they covered about an acre. The quarter inch thick dark green vines with their tiny dark green leaves didn’t look like any known species. Samples were sent to several universities and it was quickly agreed that this was a new species. It was also agreed that the plant could not be grown from the sample cuttings.

By 1915, the vines covered 12 acres and grew as thick as 3 inches and tall, up to 7 feet. Walking through the vines was nearly impossible due to the thick intertwining of the vines. Scientists learned that nothing seemed to eat the vines and the vines would grow into any animal that died in them. These carcasses would be completely gone in a couple of months, leaving only bones behind.

In 1937, the U.S. Government measured the size of the vine patch from the air and determined that it covered 840 acres. Measurements in 1955 put the size at 4,000 acres. In 2002, the vine coverage seemed to stop at 32,000 acres.

While the vines cannot grow in pure salt, they seem to grow only in very salty soils in Utah. The vines do not produce flowers or fruits. There seems to be no useful properties to the vines. Eradication is possible via the use of acids, with ordinary white vinegar working quite well.

Since the vines cover a large area of otherwise useless land, the state and federal governments pretty much leave it be. The vines do absorb some water from Great Salt Lake, but not enough to cause problems.

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The Doclopedia #1,473

The Alphabet: V is For…Vanishing Women

The Vanishing Women of Pune, India, are about as positive a proof of the supernatural as you’ll ever find. They’ve been there for 250 years and they have been seen by hundreds of thousands of people. They have also claimed the lives of over 2,000 men.

The story behind the Vanishing Women is pretty straightforward. Around 1770, a group of women grew tired of the men in the area abusing them, so they beat the crap out of something like 200 men. Sadly, this did not educate the men, it just pissed them off. They proceeded to riot through the town, eventually killing 90 women. The remaining townswomen quickly became passive and meek. The men continued being assholes.

That changed on the first anniversary of the riot. Starting at sunrise, the ghosts of the dead women appeared and walked among the terrified living. Worse yet, they would confront the men that had killed them and scare them into having massive heart attacks or panicking into fatal accidents. As the men died, the ghosts vanished. Everyone thought that might be the end, since they had killed 40 of the murderers. They were wrong.

The vanishing women have appeared every day or night for the last 250 years. They seek out cruel and abusive men and kill them. This has become far less of an issue over the centuries, since the sort of men they would kill do not live their anymore.

Scientists have studied the Vanishing Women for decades and have learned astoundingly little, aside from the fact that the women register on very few instruments. On the other hand, they have become a major tourist draw. Unless you are a cruel and abusive man.
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The Doclopedia #1,474

The Alphabet: V is For…Vilk

Vilk is good for you! You should eat vilk at least 4 times a week. More would be better. You can eat it raw, boiled, backed, steamed or fried. Season it with mugloo for a wonderful treat! Eating vilk will promote good health and strength. If you do not already do so, start eating vilk today!

This message was brought to you by the Vilk Advisory Board, an arm of the Vilk Growers Cooperative.

Whoever Invented Allergies Can Die In A Fire

…twice

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The Doclopedia #1,469

The Alphabet: T is For…Time Reversal Grenade

A Time Reversal Grenade is exactly what you think it it: a small hand grenade that, when it goes off, reverses time in an approximately 75 foot wide circle. The time reversal is only 10 seconds, but that can allow you to gain 10 seconds in a chase, shoot several enemies before they see you, or cut the correct wire on the bomb you just set speeding toward zero.

Time Reversal Grenades are not cheap or plentiful. Expect to pay about 5 million bucks each and you might be able to buy 2. Another thing to know is to never set off two Time Reversal Grenades at once. The result will be a temporal vortex that will suck you and everything for 100 feet into the past from 6 months to 3 years. That never ends well.

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The Doclopedia #1,470

The Alphabet: T is For…Tiny Dancers

Nobody knows where Tiny Dancers come from. Most sages and scholars agree that they probably originate on some other plane of existence, but where that might be is unknown.

Tiny Dancers are 6 inch tall human, elf or dwarf looking humanoids who appear in random areas from cities to forests to dungeons. They appear in groups of from 10 to 50 and immediately start dancing a merry little folk dance. Music, seemingly coming from thin air, accompanies them. The dancing lasts for exactly five minutes, then the dancers stop, bow and disappear. Tiny Dancers are immune to all known spells or magical devices.

The most important thing about the Tiny Dancers is that any intelligent creature, and that ranges from dogs right up to genius dragons, will stop what they are doing and watch the dance until it ends. They will do nothing else unless attacked physically.

Only two races seem to be unaffected by Tiny Dancers: Halflings and Storm Giants. If your adventuring group includes one or more halflings, this immunity could come in very handy for getting the rest of you away from watching the dance.

In This Episode: Uncle Lou Catches “Old Fin”, Earl Gets Fired And Louella Buys A Hat

… Old Fin is a catfish

 

The Doclopedia #1,467

The Alphabet: S is For…Sinkholes Of Mars


In the Earth 3-B universe, the planet Mars is 25% larger than our Mars and has copious liquid water under the surface. In some areas, this water has built up pressure and eaten away at the soil above it. Everything looks fine until enough weight is placed upon the topsoil, then it collapses into a sinkhole.

Before humans learned how to identify these areas, mankind lost 5 rovers, two supply landers and a mega-robot meant to build the first dome. Since 2017, sinkhole locating satellites have identified 397 potential sinkholes. Space Fleet has a program to blast most of them open, allowing them to be visible and for water to be pumped out. So far, they have opened 87 of them.

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The Doclopedia #1,468

The Alphabet: S is For…Serious Sally

On Earth 562-E, there is a masked vigilante that strikes terror into the hearts of criminals. Her name is Serious Sally.

Wearing a black & gold Spandex suit that covers her from head to toe, the 5’5” Sally goes out at night armed with a high tech quarterstaff, a bunch of electrified shurikens and a really serious attitude about crime. By dawn, she has beaten the crap out of several criminals and prevented several burglaries, robberies and assaults. Rapists bodies are never found.

Sally does not seem to have any actual super powers, but she is a master of several martial art styles and has many electronic gadgets that aid her. Some of her victims claim she has one or more assistants, and the police believe this, but there is no solid proof to back it up.

Serious Sally is also very good at getting information about supposed “untouchable” criminal kingpins, corrupt city officials and dirty cops. She releases the information to news outlets and the internet. She has brought down some very big players.

How Serious is Sally? Well, when Joe “Kneecaps” Vitaliano, the biggest crime boss in town, put a $2,000,000.00 price tag on her head, he was found three days later hanging upside down naked from the street light at 1st & Main. He had been beaten to a pulp, had his underwear stuffed in his mouth and his prized kneecapping baseball bat shoved up his ass. A sign hanging from his neck said: “I was beaten up by a girl half my size”. Nobody has yet tried to collect the two million, assuming Joe “Wheelchair” Vitaliano is still up for paying it.