Never Hide A Duck In Your Pants

…nobody will end up happy about it

The FINAL entry for this version of The Alphabet. Christ, that took way too long.

The Doclopedia #1,369

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “Z”

Z is for: Zenobia N’Golo

Zenobia is an artist who specializes in depicting the neo-rural lifestyle of Gardener Dome. Although she primarily paints using acrylics, she has been known to sculpt in a variety of media. Her work can be seen all over the Dome and around Mars.

She and her husband, Mick, live in a large cottage on Hayride Street, which they share with their two children, their cat, T’Challa, and their dog, Bruce. They often host dinner parties with food prepared by Mick, since Zenobia is an admitted danger in the kitchen.

Zenobia was born in the East Central Sector of United Africa, but her family moved to Mars when she was 5. She is 5′ 7” tall and often wears bright green overalls.

Module 1-Y: The Haunted Dungeon Of The Fart Demons

…EWWWWW, demon farts!


The second to last entry for Gardener Dome…FINALLY!

The Doclopedia #1,368

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “Y”

Y is for: Yolanda Winkleton

Yolanda is the Tourist Service Answer Woman in Gardener Dome. The dome gets several thousand tourists a year and Yolanda is ready to answer their questions and help them out.

When she is not at work, she lives on a small aquaculture farm with her husband, Benny, and her two daughters, Justine & Millie. They raise gourmet algae. In her spare time, Yolanda collects old 45 rpm records.

Yolanda is a Martian woman. She stands 6′ 11” tall and has long black hair and gray eyes.

Unhappy Curlews Annoyed My Otters

…they should cheer the hell up

The Doclopedia #1,370

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “X”

X is for: Xakry

70 years ago, when scientists started developing Smart Animals and New Humans and other genetic creations, they accidentally created a few Mutants. Yes, just like in the comics. Humans with strange powers.

Xakry is one of those Mutants. Despite being 70 years old, he looks about 12. He dresses like any kid you might meet on Mars, but his teeth are too wide and his eyes are a swirl of colors and he sometimes flies and he can create very realistic illusions.

By interplanetary law, Xakry can go wherever he wants except for Class 3 and above Restricted Areas. He has plenty of money from a government grant, but he never spends much. He always seems to be seeing things nobody else can.

Xakry has lived in Gardener Dome for 9 years. He can often be found helping folks out with various chores.

The Really Rather Silly, But Also Strangely Erotic, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Panda Of Love

…co-starring her wacky pal, Emma Goosemeyer


I am SO sorry for not keeping this blog updated as often as I should. Life has been throwing me curves for quite a while and this has impacted damn near everything I do. I’ll try to be more regular on here.



The Doclopedia #1,369

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “W”

W is for: Winikon Jaskerath

Wini is one of the few New Breed Humans on Mars. Created partly in a laboratory and partly in a human womb, Wini looks for all the world like an elf from Lord of the Rings. He stands 6 feet tall, is slender, you muscular and is probably the prettiest man you’ll ever meet. And yes, he has pointy ears.

As a certified Animal Translator, Wini, travels from farm to farm chatting with the livestock to make sure everything if okay and see if they have any complaints. The animals love him and so do the farmers.

In his spare time, Wini grows a variety of flowers and enjoys vegetarian cooking. He is unmarried, but does have a cat named Rodney and a dog named Periwinkle.


Rocky Road High School

…was that a Ramones song?

The Doclopedia #1,370

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “U”

U is for: Uma Pool

Uma and her sister, Deb have a 9 story tower farm in the south area. They raise a wide variety of melons and squash, mostly for the seeds, which they sell to various other farmers planetwide. The non-seed part of what they raise is sold to hog and cattle farmers as feed.

Besides farming, the Pool sisters are widely known as musicians. With Deb on guitar and Uma on banjo, they play mostly bluegrass music. You can find them at festivals all over the Barsoom Quadrant of Mars.

Uma stands 5′ 11” tall and has short red hair. Her body is covered in tattoos of birds.



The Doclopedia #1,368

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “V”

V is for: Venus

No, not the planet Venus, the cat Venus. She lives in the Bookzilla book store downtown. She is often found asleep either on the front counter or in the window on a big pile of Modern Martian Farmer magazines from 2107.

Venus likes humans and Smart animals, but is a bit standoffish with artificial lifeforms. He favorite snack is PetBest sardine snacks. She prefers light classical music and will yowl and meow if she hears Neo-Disco.

Venus is a 5 year old Martian Green Tabby. She weighs 25 pounds and has yellow eyes.

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The Rare and Beautiful Short Branched Itchy Tree Of Potawango Island

…do NOT climb one while you are naked


The Doclopedia #1,369

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “T”

T is for Tatyana Lewis

Out near the Western Rim of Gardener Dome, you’ll find the T. Lewis Goose Ranch. Tatyana and her husband, Ted, raise 6 breeds of geese here. They sell eggs and meat, but also sell geese for pets. They have recently perfected a 7th breed, the Large Martian Pied, a beautiful black & white goose that stands over 5 feet tall.

The Lewis family moved to the dome from Minsk Dome 17 years ago and started raising geese a year later. Tatyana is also a well known artist, working mostly in watercolors.

Tatyana is a 3rd generation Martian. She stands 6’10”, has short gray/blond hair, brown eyes and a Barton-Kloss cyberarm on the left side. She is 47 years old. She and Ted have 4 children and 160 geese.

The Action Packed, But Also Very Touching, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Saucer Men From Neptune

…co-starring her hated enemy, Lemony Fresh Luella

Big Shout out to my Patreon Backers! Thank you!


The Doclopedia #1,368

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “S”

S is for: Sam 15

Sam 15 is the operator of the Gardner Dome Gaming Pub. The Pub is a popular place and has every type of game from traditional card games to boardgames, RPGs and the latest VR games. The pub serves 150 different types of beer and 75 types of wine. The food is simple, but well prepared and tasty.

Sam 15 has owned the pub for the last 9 years and has expanded it twice in that time. A friendly and outgoing cyborg, Sam makes everyone feel welcome. His favorite games are darts, Card Wars, Asteroid Trader and poker. Every year, he hosts the Martian Battle Royal of Poker for charity.

Sam 15 stands 6 feet tall, has no body hair at all, has one green eye and one JunCorp Model 9 cyber-eye and usually dresses in a blue jumpsuit. He is not married.

Handsome Joe Goes Up In A Balloon

…and a happy adventure ensues


The Doclopedia #1,370

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “R”

R is for Rabbit Vanetti

First off, yes, his first name really is Rabbit. It’s a long story. Secondly, he is the main representative of the World Government of Mars in Gardener Dome. Third, he is also a farmer. Rabbit and his girlfriend raise herbs and spices in their 5 story tower farm out on Coyote Road.

Rabbit’s role as government rep is mostly to oversee elections, advise folks on new laws and regulations and generally be there if anyone has questions about what’s going on in congress in Helium. All of this occupies a fairly small part of any given year.

Rabbit is a third generation Martian. He stands 7 feet tall, has short black hair, brown eyes and “maybe fifty” tattoos.

The Red Dog Loves Her Bunny

…and her bunny loves her back


The Doclopedia #1,369

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “Q”

Q is for: Quinksy

Martha “Quinksy” Quinkmiller is the owner of the “Restful Refuge” bed & breakfast in Gardener Dome. Her establishment is very popular with tourists who enjoy an old fashioned cottage atmosphere. Quinksy has three small cottages behind her home and they are almost always occupied.

The garden around the B&B is famous across Mars and is quite beautiful. It attracts birds and butterflies year and also has four pet rabbits hopping about. Some of the roses in the garden are from stock brought from Earth by the First Wave.

Quinksy is a redheaded woman of 55. She stands 6’4” tall and has blue eyes. She is married to Roger, who is the actual gardener. Quinksy does the cooking and runs the business.

Title Under Construction

…thank you for your patience

The Doclopedia #1,368

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “P”

P is for: Penny West

Penny is an artist and her medium of choice is yarn that she spins from the wool of her own sheep. She knits the yarn into blankets, hats, sweaters and many other things. Sometimes she just knits large tapestries, such as the one that hangs in the Gardener Dome town hall. She also has one hanging in the Martian capital, Helium.

Penny is a third generation Martian whose great grandfather arrived on the planet in the Second Wave of immigrants from Earth. Her sheep are Martian Red Woolies and she has 50 of them on her ranch. Penny lives with her husband, Nick and her three border collies.

Penny is 7’3” tall, has long gray hair and brown eyes. She almost always wears long flowing robes.

The Five Things You Must Never Do To An Elephant

…#1: Tell him hippos are cuter.


TWO Doclopedia entries today, folks!

The Doclopedia #1,366

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “N”

N is for: Nem Radlofsky

Nemmo Radlofsky has the job of running the power plant for Gardener Dome. While most of the power comes from the huge solar array next to the dome, there are also two small fusion power plants located at Undelevel 3 South. This is also the location of the battery bank and all monitoring equipment.

Nem has been at his job for 17 years now. He enjoys it. His staff of 20 does a great job and like working for him.

When he gets some vacation time, Nem likes to get away from things with his life partners Jake and Violet. They often go to one of the huge Wilderness Complexes to camp and fish. They particularly like the Argyre Planitia complex for the hiking and bass fishing.

The Doclopedia #1,367

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “O”

O is for: Olaf Olaffson

Olaf came to Mars from Earth 30 years ago to work as a chef at the Grand Mars Hotel in Helium. He worked there for 22 years before moving to Gardener Dome to open a family style restaurant, “Olie’s”, out on the Western Highway. It’s not only a popular spot with locals, but the first dining spot you see if you are coming from the Robinson Dome Complex or the New Orleans Dome.

Olaf is a large fellow who looks more than a little like a Swedish movie star. He has blonde hair, blue eyes and smiles most of the time. He is also a great storyteller. Just ask him about growing up in Sweden and he’ll talk for hours.

At age 57, Olaf is a confirmed bachelor, though he seldom lacks for feminine companionship. In his spare time, he likes to bicycle around the dome, singing classic rock songs the whole time.

Support this blog on Patreon:

Module J-2: Lost In The Forest Of Trolls

…not a reference to Twitter

The Doclopedia #1,365

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “M”

M is for: Moko Timi

One of several Smart Animals in Gardener Dome, Moko is a lowland gorilla and a teacher at Midtown Day School. She is a graduate of the University of Mars Wells Dome Complex, with a Masters degree in Early Childhood education.

A loving and nurturing person by nature, Moko is much loved by her students, many of whom drop by to see her even when they have reached high school age. She is also on the Town Council.

Moko is 40 years old and married to Danaki, her husband of 20 years. They have three children and live out near the fruit packing plant. They have two dogs and a cat. Moko was born on Mars.

Support this blog on Patreon:

The Chocolatey Delicious, But Also Extremely Spicy, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Playful Platypus

…featuring her new pal, Calvin the Cockatoo

The Doclopedia #1,364

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “L”

L is for: Lily Watkins

Lily is the owner of Watkins Aquaculture, an eight story tall tower farm just east of town. Lily and her wife Gail raise 6 species of fish, two species of shrimp. crayfish, oysters and clams. They also grow 4 varieties of edible seaweed. Their fish are found in restaurants all over Bradbury Sector.

In addition to running the business, Lily is also a top rated player in the planetwide Dungeon League. She and her team have won the world series of dungeon crawling twice. The Mars Gaming Network sees a ratings jump whenever they play.

Lily is 5′ 4” tall, weighs 115 pounds and has dark brown hair and green eyes. She has a tattoo of two twenty sided dice on her right shoulder.

Doc Tempest And The Earthquake Master

…from the May 1939 issue

The Doclopedia #1,363

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “K”

K is for: Kong

Kong is the main HarvestBot in the dome. His name is derived from the fact that he was built by the King Robotics Plant in Helium Dome. He is fine with the name.

Like most HarvestBots, Kong was made to harvest a wide variety of fruits & vegetables. He can harvest 10 hectares of most vegetables in under 8 hours. He is not programmed or equipped for berries, but can cut grapes. He is not built to harvest grains.

Kong is a rather somber fellow, but does enjoy singing opera arias while he works. He is rumored to be a closet blues fan.

Chapter 28: In Which Our Hero, Having Recently Been Robbed By A Masked Spaniard, Makes Friends With An Otter

…and plots his revenge


The Doclopedia #1,362

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “J”

J is for: Javier O’Toole

Javier is a fairly recent immigrant to Mars, having arrived with his new bride ten years ago. He came to Gardener Dome specifically to take over running his uncle’s avocado farm in Tower Farm 12. Since he has taken it over, he has increased production on the first 4 levels and added 3 more. He is the 5th largest avocado producer on the planet.

Javier is also a breeder and shower of Martian Terriers. His dogs have won many awards in both the show ring and in agility competitions. His Grand Champion stud, Smooth Eddie, is the winner of over 100 medals in both categories.

Javier is 5′ 10” tall, has curly black hair, brown eyes and likes to wear a cowboy hat. He and his wife, Cora, have three children.

The Second To Last Jedi

…he retired early and didn’t get killed


The Doclopedia #1,361

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “I”

I is for: Iggy Pup

There are 5,643 Smart Dogs on Mars. Iggy is one of them. He is known around the dome as both a reliable businessdog and an irrepressible goofball.

The business Iggy is in is the buying and selling of livestock. He buys from local farmers and sells wholesale to grocers in other domes. He is partners with his two younger brothers, Dave and Oscar. Their reputation in business is spotless and the have the awards to prove it.

Outside of his business, Iggy, is known for doing stand up comedy, coming up with wacky ways to promote Gardener Dome (he once dyed himself green and did a tour of the major domes as “Veggie Hound”) and putting on a retro rock festival every year in nearby Meadow Dome 29.

Iggy is a Labrador/Malinois mix. He is 31 years old and is mostly black with touches of gray on his face. He is married and has 6 children. He was born on Mars.

Here Comes Pam, The Talking Vacuum Cleaner!

…dogs & cats are terrified of her

The Doclopedia #1,360

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “H”

H is for: Hespy Mikks

Hespy (real name Hesperidia) is a native of Gardener Dome, having been born there 16 years ago. She lives with her parents and two younger brothers in Tower Farm 7 on the south side of the dome. Their 7 story farm has 5 stories of fruit tree orchards and two stories of nut trees.

Known about town as a young woman of great ambition, Hespy has a variety of small business ventures going at any time. These can include babysitting, dog washing, selling her famous apple cookies and generally running errands for folks. She is also a very good singer and guitar player and often performs at local eating and drinking establishments.

Hespy is 5’11” tall and has long blonde hair, Her eyes are blue. She expects to go to UOM Barsoom Campus after she graduates from high school next year.

Mexican Jenny Had A Way With Cats

…none of them ever tried to kill her

The Doclopedia #1,359

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “G”

G is for: Gilbert Gardener

Gil, as everyone calls him, is the founder of Gardener Dome. He is also the oldest person in the dome at age 90. Everyone like him and he is very proud of the dome’s success.

Gil was born in the Bradbury Dome complex and grew up on a farm there. Upon graduating college, he went into the hotel business, opening a small hotel on Olympus Mons. It proved to be very popular with tourists from offworld and within 5 years he expanded it and opened another at Valles Marineris. Ten years later, he owned 11 hotels and resorts across Mars.

Then he sold them all and applied to build a primarily farming dome. When the 15 kilometer dome was finally finished, he put out a call to farmers and small businessfolk. The rest is history.

Gil lives on a small farm on the north side of the dome, where he and his wife of 70 years, Wendy, grow vegetables.

Support this blog on Patreon:

It’s All Fun And Games Until You Spill Hot Pepper Juice On Your Crotch

…you will speak in tongues


The Doclopedia #1,358

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “F”

F is for: Freddy

Freddy is a chimera, part human, part chimpanzee. In Gardener Dome, he is part of the Dome Maintenance Unit. If you see a big hairy guy on one of the dome access catwalks, it is most certainly Freddy.

While his ability to speak is somewhat limited by an incomplete human voice box, his intelligence is at human average. Freddy is a very pleasant fellow and enjoys being in the company of humans and AIs.

Freddy stands 6 feet tall, weighs 225 pounds and has black hair and brown eyes. His favorite food is tamales. He was born on Mars.

Mr. Fishy Fish Makes A Very Bad Decision

…he jumped out of the fish bowl and it was fatal

The Doclopedia #1,357

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “E”

E is for: Emily Salonga

Emily,“Emmy” to her friends, is the owner and head baker at “Third Street Bakery” in downtown Gardener. She has owned and run the shop with her husband Eddie for the last 25 years. It is a very popular place to sit and have pastry and coffee in the morning.

Emmy is not only the best baker in Gardener Dome, she is one of the top five bakers on Mars, as her wall of trophies will attest. Her chocolate coconut ginger donuts are her best sellers.

Emily is a 50 year old Filipino woman. She stands 5′ 6” tall and is somewhat plump. She was born on Earth.

Support this blog on Patreon:



200 Angry Pigeons

…I still can’t talk about it


The Doclopedia #1,356

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “D”

D is for: Dave Foster

Dave is the owner and main on air personality on M-164, the Gardener Dome radio station. He does the news and plays music 8 hours a day. He also hosts a call in show every Wednesday at noon.

Dave and his wife Amitra are also owners of the Two Moons microbrewery, a very popular drinking and dining spot. They are also the parents of three young children.

Dave is a native of the Oz L5 colony. He is 6’1” tall, has long blonde hair and blue eyes. His accent is that strange Ozian mix of French and Midwestern U.S.

Not In This Issue: Red Worms, Morris Dancing, Poodles And Austin, Texas

…sorry, Austin. Stay weird.


The Doclopedia #1,353

The Alphabet: Gardener Dome, Mars “A”

Gardener Dome is a town on Mars 1-Q in the year 2070. It has 1,500 inhabitants. This series of Doclopedia entries will list 27 of them, alphabetically.

A is for Alwin Santiago

Alwin is a chicken farmer and the Treasurer of Gardener Dome’s town council. He and his wife Diandra have four children, all of whom help in raising the 3,000 chickens on their farm. While the primary purpose of the farm is egg production, the older hens are eventually processed and sold for eating as stewing hens.

Alwin is a 40 year old man of English & Hispanic heritage. He was born on Mars. He stands 6′ 10” tall and has brown hair and brown eyes.