The Yellow Blouse Of Seduction

…and other stories of powerful apparel

 

 

The Doclopedia #1,346

The Numbers: 520

520 miles was how far the chase by police and the FBI went in pursuit of Jimmy Ray Waller, noted bank robber, cop killer and general psychopath. He started his spree in Huntsville, Alabama, where Jimmy robbed two banks in rapid succession. Leaving the second bank, he shot and killed two police officers. Within 10 minutes, the chase was on, mostly through local roads and state highways. Jimmy had an accomplice, his best friend Raymond Parker, who used Google maps and a constant stream from local and national news to stay ahead of their pursuers.

Toward the end, there were 24 cars, 5 helicopters and 2 planes following Jimmy. He had managed to shoot 6 more officers, 3 fatally. He had also caused 11 crashes. Most of the chase was watched live on television and the internet by tens of millions of people.

But not the last few minutes, which were blocked by “broadcasting problems”.

The truth is, on a very lonely road in <REDACTED FOR NATIONAL SECURITY>, Jimmy, Raymond and the car vanished into what is now believed to be a “weak point in time”. The government quietly closed off that road and moved everyone to a similar road about 2 miles away, where they staged a fiery car crash, complete with two badly burned corpses. Since neither Jimmy or Raymond had ever been to a dentist, identification was solely done by the drivers of the closest cars in pursuit.

Oddly, no conspiracy theory ever evolved about this event, because near the end of it a Kardashian died out in California and that completely got everybody’s attention.

Meanwhile, the remains on Jimmy, Raymond and the car lie at the bottom of a deep canyon in the middle of a desert 105 million years ago.

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Junior Muskrat Buys A Snazzy New Hat

…with a feather in it

The Doclopedia #1,344

The Numbers: 42

Carol Miller was 42 when she was exposed to a strange gas that gave her the power to turn totally invisible. Nothing can detect her on any level, including sound, smell or weight. She can go anywhere she can find an open door or other form of entrance. Her clothing turns invisible with her.

Being a wife and a mother, Carol first used her powers to check up on her husband Phil (who proved to be totally loyal to her, but who does play air guitar to rock music when alone at home) and her 3 kids (who are now convinced that there can be no secrets from mom). She also picked up some juicy gossip from her neighbors.

After a month or so of that, however, Carol began to want to do more. In short order she exposed two corrupt town council members, gave police anonymous tips to several drug dealers, saved a few adults and kids from harm and rescued a bunch of lost animals. Since she is also possessed of a mischievous nature, she has also convinced a good number of folks that the old Gruber farm on the edge of town is haunted.

Thanks to some good “anonymous” investing advice, Carol & Phil are set up for an early retirement next year when they both turn 50. They plan on touring the country, during which time Carol will do some good things invisibly while Phil is off playing golf. Among their first stops will be Washington, DC. Carol has some big plans there.

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Scornful Titmice Chastised My Otter

…not that he really gave a fuck, because otter.

The Doclopedia #1,343

The Numbers: 15

15 years is the travel time, even using a Jump 7 Drive, to Yadoris 4, the outermost world of the Terran Empire. Few ships make the trip, which was initially done by the Independent Colony Ship “Maggie’s Mob”. The crew and settlers were mostly made up of disgruntled natives of Appillion 3 and Nelvas 5. lead by the infamous radical, Maggie Merks.

Since the colonists arrived on Yadoris 4, a total of 3 fully automated supply freighters have made the run there. No other humans or other species have wanted to make the trip. It is reported that the colony is now living in three megadomes (domes more than 5, but less than 10 miles across) and doing quite well. The domes are located close to each other on the northern continent, in the vast Plains of Arl.

The Terran Empire considers the colony to be “primarily self-sufficient” and “not a threat to internal stability”.

The Very Scary, But Delightfully Goofy, Story of Mostly Purple Patty And The Cat Who Thought He Was A Rabbit

…featuring Zelda, the very confused kitty

Holy Frijoles, it’s a brand new Doclopedia entry! (Note: Patreon backers get to see the next two early. Click the link below and you can, too.)

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The Doclopedia #1,342

The Numbers: 6

The walled town of G’Tain has been attacked 6 times in the last year by rampaging herds of monstrously deformed thraks, no doubt the creation of some mad wizard up in the nearby Saraset Mountains. The Sarasets are home to many such wizards and they tend to get up to no good regularly.

These thraks are quite unlike the average riding thrak, being half again as large, covered in lumpy calcifications and filled with rage at the mere sight of the town. Oddly, they never attack the surrounding farms or homes and keep to the roads until the reach the town walls. Then, they just seem to go insane.

Each attack has been by from 20 to 36 thraks and have been fought off within an hour or so by archers, spearmen and the town mages. Thankfully, these monster thraks dissolve into nothingness upon death.

The G’Tain town council is now assembling a group of adventurers to go into the mountains and deal with whichever wizard is responsible for this.

 

CritterCon 10 Is Coming!

Just a heads up to y’all to let you know that the annual trip/con report for the totally fictional, yet still great fun, CritterCon 10, will be hitting this blog in August. Stay tuned for all the fun!