Ground Control To Major Mom

…wait, what?

 

Dog Con 7

 

Day 13: In which we review the bachelor party, wake up in Critter City, grab con stuff and then take part in the best wedding of two imaginary cats that you will ever hear about.

11:00 pm

Lulu here again, folks, with a rather too short bachelor party report, because although my power source is still running just fine, my poor silicon brain is overheating from all that has gone on these last couple of days. I need to enter sleep cycle.

Bachelor party highlights…

We were decked out in steampunkish clothing and carrying many strange steampunk Victorian era weapons.

After drinking some hooch, we lit out to rob a train carrying twenty tons of gold.

After we got the train stopped, Dr. Miguelito Loveless and his gang hauled up in a humongous airship and stole all but one brick of gold.

Later, we were caught with the brick and most of us were tossed in jail. The Sheriff looked like John Wayne.

Train owner wanted us hanged, mine owner wanted the gold back. Mine owner said he’d hire us to get it back.

Late at might: JAILBREAK! Uncle Mike and Uncle Peter to the rescue!

We stole an airship belonging to the railroad. Started chasing Loveless.

Lost Loveless, so we went into Denver to make plans. Barroom brawl ensued. Uncle Spike tossed a guy through a window. Daddy used a gas gun on two guys. Chris and Willie took out three more. Flash & Leon were all over the biggest guy. I used my tail laser to cut us an escape route.

Back on the trail of Loveless. Had to ditch US Army airship first. Uncle Mike was driving.

Caught up to Loveless! Uncle Spike, Chris & Cosmo lobbed grenades! Dad, Uncle Peter, Uncle Brian and Uncle Gabriel all jumped off our ship (we were 300 feet above Loveless) with bungee cord tied to their legs. They took Flash, Leon, Dex and Clancy with them! I used my laser to cut slits in that airship’s covering, which they fell through. Then they turned loose the cats & Clancy! THEN, they tied off the ropes and Uncle Mike started winching us down. THEN, we started boarding!

Big fight! Gunfire! Stun grenades! Psycho cats! A badass pig & Scotty dog! Humans kicking ass and not giving a fuck about names! FIRE! Loveless escapes! We haul ass outta there! Big hydrogen explosion! Twenty tons of gold melts into one big chunk and falls 6,000 feet into the Nevada desert! BIG crater!

We land and grab a shitload of gold, maybe 2 tons, then split before the Army arrives.

PARTY IN SAN FRANCISCO!

Whew! It was a fun few days, that.

Once we were all tucked in on the bus, it drove/warped us to Critter City. Man, do I love this place.

OK, back to letting Daddy write this.

Thank you, Lulu. Well, after a solid eight hours of sleep, we all ate breakfast at Waffles From Outer Space, because Bacon & Butter Flavored Syrup! Then we checked into our rooms at the Hilton. Once that was done, we got our con badges and goodie bags. Some great stuff this year, the best of which were the “DogCon 7: The Wedding Of Flash & Jazz” t-shirts. Flash got so choked up he couldn’t speak.

(Sasha: Me and Lulu set that up. Pretty much the whole con will be at the wedding, or watching it on the big screens all over town.)

(Silky: Holy moley, this place is SO cool! We are under a dome! There are animals everywhere!)

(Daisy: I’ve been hearing about this place for a year! I’m having a nerdgasm!)

(Roxy: Wow! Just…wow!)

Other goodies included “Kings of Dragon Underpass” ball caps, a couple of free D&D adventures, a mini boardgame called “Herding Cats”, a shitload of flyers and discount coupons for all sorts of stuff.

We spent about the next three hours making con plans and welcoming a near endless string of con-goers and wedding guests, including four elephants.

(Daisy: Mama Florence and her daughters are way cool.)

Abigail and Beatrice (our dwarf Nigerian goats) stopped by and there were hugs all around. We’ll see them at the wedding and also at the con AND at their stage show on Friday.

Around 1:00, we went for lunch at Pizza My Heart.

(Daisy: They make pizzas especially for us critters! OMG!)

And now, I’m signing off because it’s time to start getting ready for the wedding. More bloggage AND the wedding report tomorrow.

(Jazz: Wedding time. AAIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!)

Destination Sign when we started: Duckburg


Destination Sign when we stopped: Greyhawk

Music: The Girl Group Channel

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Doctor Silkmelon Shows Off His Mechanical Hippo

…an amazing feat of engineering!

 

The Doclopedia #1,028

Girls Just Wanna Have Guns: Martina Olivera, The Shootist

Of Martina Olivera’s past, little is known. It’s a safe bet to say that, judging by her manner of speech, she was born to a well to do Mexican family. Where she learned to shoot with such speed and accuracy, nobody knows.

Martina’s first known shooting of another human being took place in El Paso, Texas in 1878, when she shot “Big Ben” Clarke, a local ruffian, in the crotch after he had accosted her on the street. Witnesses said that she drew her gun so fast they didn’t see her do it. The Sheriff declined to arrested, saying that Clarke “had it coming”.

As word of her gunslinging abilities spread, she was approached by many men and a couple of women who wanted to test her. Some she killed but many just got shot in their gun hand, ending their careers then and there.

Martina sometimes signed on as a guard for Wells Fargo stagecoaches or on trains. She was as good with her rifle as she was with her Colt pistols. She was also an expert rider and her horse, “Mama” was trained to do several useful tricks such as kick on command.

In 1898, after 20 years of living on the move, the now 39 year old Martina Olivera assumed a new identity as Maria Vasquez. A year later she married Judge Charles Upchurch in Portland, Oregon and became a loving stepmother to his three small children. She died in July of 1949 at the age of 90.