Aw, Damn, I Thought You Said It Was The Number Of The BREAST

…a bit of 6-6-06 humor there:)

Not A Real Timeline Of My Life: Part 7

September, 1970 to May, 1971: Shortly before his sixth term at Hobarts begins, Doc and several friends attend the World Science Fiction Convention in San Diego. While there, they play and then purchase a new kind of game…a “roleplaying” game…called Swords & Sorcery. Written by a group of young sci-fi/fantasy fans (one of whome is Steve Jackson), it will, in the words of Chemistry Professor Wilson ” infect Hobarts like some terrible virus” and go on to become popular worldwide. (Note: Yes, folks, no D&D in this world)

This year, the students from all three of Hobarts campuses (it runs them at different campuses most years) are combined for the “Outside North America Year” at the massive London Campus. Amazingly, Doc manages to stay out of trouble for pretty much the entire year. This can be attributed to his meeting and “falling all goofy in love with” his future wife, Grace.

Summer, 1971: Records of this time period were sealed by the United Nations.

To Be Continued…

Big Jack & Dr. Love VS The Rednecks

…B.J & D.L.: 1 Rednecks: 0 

Not A Real Timeline Of My Life: Part 6 September, 1968 to May, 1969: Fourth term at Hobarts, at the San Francisco Campus (which is actually a few miles down the peninsula from San Francisco). This term sees many guest speakers, such as USA President John Kennedy, former British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, author Isaac Asimov and BFE astronauts Angelina Cho and Russ Marshall. Other highlights include the hippie invasion (AKA the Summers of Love), a concert in Oakland by The Beatles, the foiling of a complex kidnapping plot, the discovery of a mysterious criminal organization, two small earthquakes and young Doc losing his virginity.

Summer, 1969: The big event here comes when Doc, who is spending the month before fifth term in New Hampshire with avylou and her family, convinces several of his friends to go to the Woodstock Music and Arts Festival. Great fun is had and nobody’s parents are the wiser…until about a year later when the movie comes out.

September, 1969 to May, 1970: Fifth term at Hobarts, at the Montreal, Quebec campus. This year is marked by the arrival of many students from the other Hobarts school. (Hobarts runs three schools each year at three different campuses. Every few years, they transfer students from one school to another, just to keep things interesting) Things go smoothly this year for Doc…which pretty much means he has very few detentions and no actual encounters with the police. He also learns French, bringing his total number of spoken languages up to 14.

Summer, 1970: Doc gets his first car. On June 1 leaves home with his cousin, Rob, and some friends on a roadtrip. They come back five weeks later, on motorcycles. They don’t talk much about the trip, except to say it was “totally fun”.

To Be Continued…

Never Grab A Squirrel’s Nuts

…and never mess with a rabbit’s hole

Not A Real Timeline Of My Life: Part 5

(Condensed for faster reading)

November, 1965 – May, 1966: First term at Hobarts goes well, with a mere 18 detentions, 6 restrictions to campus, 2 international incidents and 1 small riot.

Summer, 1966: Generally a good summer, except for the onset of puberty.

September, 1966 – May, 1967: Second term at Hobarts, which is held at the Austin Campus in the Republic of Texas. Doc has a much better year, despite requiring monthly shipments of new clothes to accomodate his rapidly growing body. High points are: avoiding blame for a cattle stampede through the campus, saving the life of a Texas Ranger, trying to explain to avylou that she will not die from the heat, learning to drive and make proper chili and discovering that the opposite sex has gotten a damn sight more interesting since first term.

Summer, 1967: No information for this summer is available due to the Imperial Secrets Act.

September, 1967 – May 1968: Third term at Hobarts, held at the Vancouver, British Columbia, campus (which is actually located many miles away, out in the woods). Since third year (and above) students are allowed pets, Doc attempts to bring Sniffy, the 3,000 pound giant Californian Grizzly Bear (which his family raised from an orphan cub). This plan is quickly shut down by both the school and his parents. Instead, he brings his basset hound Sam. At the end of the school year, Sam gets honored for being well behaved. Doc gets investigated by the RCMP.

Summer, 1968: Since the fourth term at Hobarts is going to be held at the San Francisco Campus, avylou comes out to Northern California a month early and stays at the Cross family ranch. Years later, she will write that “even among the many strange, exotic and interesting people of the Bear Flag Empire, the Cross family stood out like a whore in church”. Oddly, most family members would recite that quote with pride.

To be continued…

The Girl Who Lost The Bet

…but still managed to come out the big winner

Not A Real Timeline Of My Life: Part 4

August 1, 1965: Doc is accepted into The Hobart International School for Young People. This thrills his parents. Doc is less than thrilled, especially when he learns that his first year at Hobarts will be at the New York City campus.

September 15th, 1965: Arrives in New York City. Within minutes of stepping off the bus, he meets avylou, thus beginning a friendship that endures to this day. Doc’s parents say she had a “civilizing influence” on him. Her parents say he “certainly made her more of a risk taker”. Both children meet other students from the U.S.A, Canada, the Bear Flag Empire, Canada, the 100 Nations, Quebec and The Republic of Texas.

September 19th: Called to headmasters office after getting in a fight with four older boys. Given 5 days detention…after he explains to the headmaster how he won the fight singlehandedly.

September 27th: More detention, this time for “Leaving the campus at night and running wild in Central Park”. His excuse: “It’s the only place in this town that comes close to being a forest.”

October 16th: Convinces avylou and two other students to help him find out what their biology teacher is doing sneaking around the campus late at night. Turns out the biology teacher is having a late night affair with an english teacher…and a math teacher…and the school nurse. The other three children are shocked, but Doc merely remarks “Wow…not bad for a short bald guy.”

To be continued…

Doc Tempest And The Green Eye Of Doom

…from the September 1963 issue

Review: X Men: the Last Stand

Altho I have read several anguished fanboy reviews that declare this movie to be everything from merely flawed to the precursor to the Apocalypse, I gotta tell ya, I liked it.

Is it the best of the three? No, not at all.
Does it have too many characters? Probably.
Does it have plot holes? Yes, but then, most superhero flicks do.
Is it action packed? Yep, you betcha.
Does Kelsey Grammar rock as Beast/Hank McCoy? Oh, hell yes!
Are there some surprises? Yep.
Do I suggest you go see it? Yep
Will there be a fourth movie in the series? Bet the farm on it, but don’t expect it for a few years.

And to all the anguished fanboys out there…better luck with Spider-Man 3, Iron Man and the totally unimpressive looking Superman Returns.

Not A Real Timeline Of My Life: Part 3

Late May, 1960 to Late August, 1960: Spends summer with his grandparents, travelling around the 100 Nations (AKA most of North America between the Rocky Mountains and the Mississippi River). Greatly influenced by Native American culture.

December, 1960: On vacation with family in New York City. This is his first trip to the United States. Somehow manages to free the giant ape, Kong, from his enclosure in the Bronx Zoo. Parents are not amused. Kong evades capture and, altho he is tracked as far as northern Argentina, is never recaptured.

May, 1961: Birth of brother. Robert (now nicknamed “Doc” for reasons that are never made clear) once again spends the summer in the 100 Nations.

October, 1961: Family relocates to the Imperial Territory of Seattle (western Washington state to us) for 6 months while the Imperial Rangers track a smuggling ring. Young Doc begins taking Kung Fu lessons.

April, 1961: While his mother and siblings return to Northern California, Doc accompanies his father and some Rangers north to Alaska Territory on a fishing trip. While there, he gets a chance to live among the Inuits for a month.

June, 1961 to August 1965: School years in Northern California, Summer vacations in the 100 Nations, with various holidays in Australia, South America, Africa, Europe, Asia.

To Be Continued…

Purple Dogs, Yellow Cats, Green Guinea Pigs

…welcome to the psychedelic pet shop

Not A Real Timeline Of My Life: Part 2

July, 1957: After many adventures, the Cross family arrives in Shanghai, China. All records of what happened over the next 3 months were sealed by both the Imperial Chinese Government and the Bear Flag Empire.

Late October, 1957: Arrive home in Marysville, Northern California. Father joins the Imperial Rangers (like the Texas Rangers, only tougher) and Mother takes a job as a teacher at Emperor Norton University (Marysville Campus).

September, 1959: 5 year old Robert begins his most challenging adventure to date…kindergarten. Having been raised by adventurers and spent much time around Imperial rangers, university professors, Native Americans (his paternal grandmother and her kin), cowboys (at the family ranch) and other colorful folk (both related to him and not), Robert is described by his teachers as “a very challenging child”.

To Be Continued…