How To Talk To Your Cat About Drugs

…don’t bother, because cats don’t need drugs



The Doclopedia #1,076

Tiny Folk: Khara Sandflyer

In the desert southwest of the United States, where Little Folk enclaves are mostly found in or near human settlements, there are a few hearty tribes that prefer to live out in the arid regions. One of these is the Five Lizards Tribe and they are the home tribe of Khara Sandflyer, one of the most daring of all Little Folk.

Always an adventurous child possessed of a creative mind, Khara cobbled together an old human child’s toy, a piece of cloth, some twine and a few old tongue depressors into what she calls a sandflyer. The result looks like a surfboard with four big wheels, a sail and bunch of ropes. With a decent breeze, the sandflyer can reach speeds of 15 miles an hour, which most Tiny Folk think is an insane speed for such an obvious deathtrap. With a good desert wind, Khara can hit 40 miles an hour. Most of her tribe think she is suicidal.

Khara loves racing across the desert on her sandflyer and has recently started doing tricks with it, such as jumps, spins and even grinds along rocks. Of course, she often gets so caught up in her exploits that she ends up many miles from home. Fortunately, she has excellent survival skills. Recently, she has been thinking of heading west on her sandflyer. She’d like to see the ocean.

Khara is 19 years old and is short for a Tiny Person, standing only 5 inches tall. She has brown hair, very tanned skin and is quite thin. Her mother despairs of Khara ever finding a husband.

The Deal With The Turks Went Better Than Expected

…nobody got shot and we all went out for drinks.



The Doclopedia #1,075

Tiny Folk: Livanto Builder

In a long abandoned Underground station beneath London, the Queen’s Own Nation of the Tiny Folk have built a huge (by their standards) town. Since the station measures more than 40 meters long by 22 meters wide by 10 meters high (not counting nearly 120 meters of tunnel that they haven’t built into yet) and is built from floor to ceiling in many spots, it can hold a couple thousand Tiny Folk.

The Head of Construction in this marvelous underground world is Livanto Builder, a master of both the planning and execution of building projects. At any given time, upwards of 200 people work for him. On really big projects, like the Northside Greenhouse, he will employ a hundred more.

Livanto has been in charge of building housing blocks, schools, a hospital and the newly rebuilt lighting system. His crack staff includes Master Scroungers, Architects, assorted skilled craftsmen and even a couple of Tiny Folk/Human liaisons. These last have been very important in helping to get some of the more difficult building materials.

Recently, Livanto has been involved in talks with the Town Council about expanding out into the sealed off tunnels. He has plans for a park and a second hospital, along with newer and larger apartment blocks. He’s even got plans to install a big screen television for use as a movie theater.

Livanto is 50 years old and married. He has three sons, all of whom work in construction. In his spare time, Livanto likes watching American western movies and cricket matches.

The 33 Things You Probably Should Never Eat

…#8: Barium Biscuits



The Doclopedia #1,074

Tiny Folk: Sandri Dogfriend

All Tiny Folk can, to some degree, speak with animals. Not all animals, but usually mammals and birds. A few can speak very well to one or two species in particular. Very rarely, you’ll find one who can speak perfectly well with one species. Sandri Dogfriend is one of those rare people.

Born and raised in Los Angeles as part of the Venice Beach Clan, Sandri has been able to speak fluent Canine (yes, she can also converse with wolves, coyotes and foxes) since she was 3 years old. She is well known and loved among the Canine population of the Los Angeles area. She can often be seen (assuming you are allowed to see her) riding around on one dog or another, often many miles from Venice Beach.

Sandri helps the dogs stay out of trouble and the dogs not only protect any Tiny Folk they meet, but help bring the various Clans items they can use. If you are in L.A. and see a dog carrying a ball of twine or a toy or small bits of wood, they are probably headed for a Tiny Folk village.

Recently, Sandri has taken to traveling around with a Pitbull named Clarence and a couple of border terriers named Mazey and Lacey. They are helping the North Hollywood Clan build a new tunnel city in the hills nearby. Having a couple of terriers to do your excavation is a great thing. Having a Pitbull to stand guard is also very nice.

Sandri is 5.75 inches tall and 21 years old. She has red hair and blue eyes and often dresses in outfits sewn from cast off bandanas. She is not married, preferring to have a few boyfriends.

Eyeball Creatures Are In Your Closet




The Doclopedia #1,073

Tiny Folk: Duuvi Boater

In the Land of 1,000 Lakes, even the Tiny Folk get around by boat much of the time. The most skilled waterman of all is Duuvi Boater, a member of the Moose Hill Clan.

Duuvi and his siblings, children and friends have built nearly three dozen watercraft of various types, ranging from barges to canoes to sailboats. They haul both freight and passengers on the Four Round Lakes, the largest of which is nearly two miles across. The safety record of Duuvi’s operation is impressive, even in the treacherous late fall and early spring months.

You might think that the boating business would stop when the lakes freeze over in winter, but you’d be wrong. Duuvi and his eldest daughter, Jeji, figured out how to put metal runners on some of the sailboats and can now race them across the ice at great speed. This means that winter deliveries of goods are even faster than in the summer.

Duuvi stands 5.5 inches tall and has weathered brown skin. He is 55 years old and married to Luuza Baker. They have 5 children, all of whom are in the boating business.

The Book Of Misinformation

…all the bullshit in one place!


The Doclopedia #1,072

Tiny Folk: Gwilla Sharpaxe

In the area that humans call Death Valley, the Tiny Folk of the Red Hand Clan live a hard life. Besides the great heat and the scarcity of water, they must constantly battle scorpions, ants, snakes and other creatures that try to invade their tunnel homes.

The greatest warrior of the Red Hand Clan is Gwilla Sharpaxe. She stands a whopping 7 inches tall and wields a razor sharp axe made of stainless steel. Her armor is also made of stainless steel, as is her shield. This has earned her the nickname “Shining Death”.

Gwilla has killed more scorpions than anyone else in the clan and has the heads of five rattlesnakes mounted around her front door. Rumor has it that she even fought off a wild pig once. As you might imagine, Gwilla is given great respect by her clan.

Gwilla is 30 years old and married to Yanda Maker, the greatest inventor of Red Hand Clan history. They have two children.

Super Magic Girl Battles The Demons Of Doom

…it’s been awhile since I did fake anime

The Doclopedia #1,071

Tiny Folk: Optan Leaper

Even among the Tiny Folk, there are individuals who possess powers that most people don’t. The big difference is that the tiny super powered individuals don’t feel the need for costumes and secret identities.

One such person is Optan Leaper, a young fellow who can jump ten times farther than any other Tiny Person. Actually, with a running start, he can leap even greater distances. Optan uses his power to help not only his community, but other Tiny Folk and any animals in distress.

A member of the Deep Forest Clan, Optan gained his leaping abilities at an early age while leaping from tree to tree and rock to rock. He has been quite instrumental in helping his clan move up into the higher branches of the great redwoods that make up most of the forest. It’s a pretty good life up there, with far fewer predators than there are on the forest floor.

Optan is single and lives with his family and his faithful flying squirrel, Skwizz. Many a young lady from his clan has her eye on him, but he’s not ready to settle down yet.

A Wild Weekend In A Small Town

…that general store will never be the same


The Doclopedia #928

The Alphabet: R

R is for…Rindi Climber: Among the Tiny Folk of New York City, Rindi Climber is legendary for her skill and bravery. She is also widely thought of as being crazy as a loon. You see, Rindi likes to climb tall buildings using the minimum amount of equipment possible. There is hardly a tall building in the city that she hasn’t climbed at least once. Since few Tiny Folk ever live more than three stories above ground level, Rindi tends to be one of a kind.

On any given day, Rindi will be either climbing up a building or traveling to a building she means to climb. Her main source of transportation is her squirrel, Maks and her helpers at the actual site of the climb are her cousins Burlo Finder and Kiondi Looker. None of them climb with Rindi, although Maks will cheer her on from nearby trees until she is way above him. Once she starts climbing, Burlo and Kiondi take an elevator to the roof to await her.

Depending upon the building, a climb can take Rindi anywhere from five days to two weeks. She carries most of her supplies with her, but Burlo and Kiondi sometimes leave food caches at various points on really hard climbs.

Lately, Rindi has been hearing a lot of news about the really tall buildings in other places outside the USA. She’s thinking that she’s really like to climb that big building in Dubai some time. Kiondi is looking into flights there for her.




The Doclopedia #929

The Alphabet: S

S is for…Spellcasting During Battle: If the various Earths where magic rules had a bestseller list, the book “Spellcasting During Battle” by Archmage Tolivorikus would be #1. Tolivorikus was one of the first battlemages and surely the most powerful of them all. He fought in wars and battles over a period of nearly 80 years, then retired to a peaceful life in the country, where he wrote the book.

Contained within the 350 pages of the book are chapters on why a mage would want to go right into battle in the first place…basic spell preparation…the usefulness of wands, ring staves and the like…what spells work best in what situations…enchanting armor & weapons and a very comprehensive list of spells. Everything is laid out in easy to understand terms and written with more than a bit of Tolivorikus’ wry humor. There are many illustrations, some in full color.

It is unknown how many copies of this book have been sold, but considering that one army alone, the Imperial Defenders of Walzaret, has 10,000 battlemages, each with a copy of it, the numbers must run very high.