Hey, Creature! Leave Those Squids Alone!

…we don’t need no snot control!

 

The Doclopedia #1,038

Moms: Georgia Goatly

On ToonEarth 3, Georgia Goatly is married to Gus Goatly and the mother of three children, Gina, Greg & Gilbert. They live in a nice house on the outskirts on Konkville, where the whole family has many funny adventures.

As is common for cartoon families, Gus is the none too bright father and the kids are rambunctious little scamps who get into all sorts of trouble. Georgia is the hard working, no nonsense mom that usually pulls everybody’s fat out of the fire (or out from under the falling piano, as the case may be).

In her spare time, Georgia likes to read, drink a little wine and smack Gus in the face with a frying pan.

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The Doclopedia #1,039

Moms: The InterMom

On Earth 10, the powers that be upgrade the entire internet/world wide web every ten years. On the whole, these upgrades are greeted with cheers from computer users (which, on Earth 10, is like, everybody) and improves the whole internet experience.

This was not the case with upgrade 6 AKA The InterMom.

The whole idea was to not only make websurfing safer for kids, but to make the interface more friendly and “warm” for everyone. At first it seemed like they had hit the mark, but them the motherly interface became too motherly. A few examples are given below.

Why kids hate it: “No, sweetie, you can’t go there, that’s for people over 18. No, you can’t go there, either. NO! That site is just too naughty!

Why teenagers hate it: “In my day, we did not dress like that!” “Young man, you will NOT be sending that text!” “Why, that video doesn’t make any sense at all.

Why adults hate it: “You know, you might want to get some work done instead of watching cat videos.” “Do you really have enough extra money to buy that?” “Oh My God! That’s is perverted!

Why advertisers hate it: “Let’s just hide all these annoying ads for a bit, alright? You know, your cousin Ralphie makes very good money as a plumber and people LIKE his work.

Why everybody hates it: “Oh, that’s ok, just go ahead and ignore me. I’ll be fine. No, no, you go ahead and do your own thing. I’ll just sit here, alone.

The InterMom has been in effect since 2010. @020 cannot arrive soon enough for most people.

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The Totally True, But Still Unbelievable, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Traveling Worm Circus

…co-starring her favorite Great Aunt, Hepzibah Cornwinkle

 

I know, I know…I’ve been slacking off on the last few Doclopedia posts. My only excuse is that first, my Sweet Angel of a wife, Grace got sick with a chest cold, then I got sick with either a bad attack of allergies or a bitch of a head cold. Grace is feeling somewhat better, but I’m what is commonly known as miserable. But I want the damned Doclopedia done for a while, so, sick as I am, I’m posting entries number 998 & 999. Entry #1,000 will go up in a couple of days, once I clear 647 square yards of mucus out of my head.

 

The Doclopedia #998

April Fools Day: …In An Enchanted Forest Genre: Humor, Fantasy

Oh, you think it’s funny, eh, dwarf? I go to lean up against a tree and it’s an illusion and I fall on my ass and you think it’s FUNNY? I didn’t hear you laughing when those vines pulled down your breeches, did I? Personally, I thought that was pretty hilarious. OK, so it was funnier when the wizard bent down to pick up that fake gem and that rabbit goosed him. Heh, heh…I din’t know the old boy could jump so high.

Well, anyway, I hope we get out of this damned forest with at least some shred of dignity. Curse those Forest Elves for setting all of this up anyway. Have I mentioned how I hate April Fools Day?”

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The Doclopedia #999

April Fools Day: …In The Tooniverse Genre: Humor, Cartoons

So yeah, you’d think that April first would just be crazy as hell in the Tooniverse, but here’s the deal: it’s the most boring day of the year! You’ve gotta figure, the cartoon folks are doing crazy stuff every day, so maybe they let us get wacky that one day and they just do normal stuff, which they do. They have barbecues, watch sports, do home improvement projects, attend concerts, watch their kids play…all of the stuff we do on the average weekend. Nary an anvil gets dropped on a head or a cat chases a mouse. I tell ya, it’s actually quite eerie.”