The Hella Late, But Actually…Well, Hella Late…Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Lazyass Blogger

co-starring her pet dormouse, Marvin

The Law of Unexpected Consequences Made Manifest
 
So, this happened in 2012, on our way back from CatCon 4…
 
“Fifteen minutes later, Joe flipped switches and turned dials and we popped up in the middle of London, circa 1972. We had not been moving, so when we popped out of nowhere, it was a real crowd stopper. Joe said we had to wait 5 minutes before we could hop again, so I gave in to a mad urge. After running to one of the closets, I hurriedly threw on a rather gaudy outfit, complete with a top hat and cane. Then I left the bus, where a couple of hundred people stood looking at it in slackjawed wonder and traffic was backing up badly.
 
I walked up to a largish group and said “Hello, I’m the Doctor. Can any of you tell me how to get to California in 2011?” Jaws REALLY dropped then, plus three people fainted and one guy dropped his bag of groceries.
 
I then got on the bus and, while the Doctor Who theme played through the external speakers, we hopped. Joe informs me that we most likely created the trigger event for spinning off an alternate reality. Cool!”
 
As is the way of our family, we all had a good laugh and promptly forgot about it for just shy of 6 years. Then, for reasons unknown, Daisy brought it up during dinner. This pretty much piqued everyone’s curiosity, so we opened a temporal window to 3 seconds after we left.

Naturally, since history cannot be changed, the event never happened in our reality.

But in the new reality that we spun off, the shit hit the fan in damned near every way possible.

Right off the bat, there was a panicked stampede. Most folks ran like hell away from where we had been, but more than a few ran toward the spot. Some of them were cops. Two were television cameramen along with the reporter that had been doing some man in the street interview. They had caught our whole appearance in the background and immediately started interviewing people live on the air. Just like they had recorded us.

Live.
And seen by about two million Brits.
Live.

Including Her Majesty, The Queen and several people connected.

As my wife of 21.5 years said, “Holy shit, that can’t be good.”

We fast forwarded a week and found England in both a panic (everyone in government, many normal folks) and near throes of ecstasy (Whovians, geeks in general). Reports of Tardis sightings were in the thousands, along with Dalek sightings, Cybermen sightings, etc, etc. Every even slightly eccentric mode of dress would get your ass hauled in for questioning by everyone from Scotland Yard to MI6 to the NHS. Outside of England proper, things were a bit less panicky, but governments were still keeping an eye on things.

Meanwhile, Whovians from all over were pissed off that the series had been stopped so everyone the cast, crew, producers, BBC officials and the guy with the fish & chip shop ’round the corner could be grilled six ways from Sunday by government officials.

We popped forward another week and found out that somebody in Arizona had managed to get a pic of us popping in when we visited the Grand Canyon. That person got 36 very clear photos of the bus, the dogs, me taking a leak over the edge of the canyon and Avis Crane taking pix of a cactus.

If you guessed that those photos fired the giant shit cannon, you are 100% right.

WE STOP NOW FOR A SHORT EXPLANATION OF TRANS TEMPORAL CONNECTIVITY
You might think that two different appearances in 1972 should have spun off two different new realities, you are perfectly right to think that. You’d also be wrong.

See, for reasons that tend to put me into an eye glazed trance, like events often sort of seek each other out. Thus, these two sightings sort of hooked up into a cohesive unit in the same timeline.

Just like 9 more sightings, mostly in the USA, but also in India, Scotland, Portugal and Tokyo did. One big happy family of Doctor and/or Tardis sightings that created a Shitnado all over the world.

BACK TO OUR STORY
Then somebody noticed that, in the 3 instances that my voice was recorded, I spoke with an American accent. That pointed all eyes at the good old USA, who, let’s face it, would be the country most likely to get up to strange shit like that.

But wait, it gets even better!

People started finding photos and paintings and such of me and the bus from all over history, in like, 90 countries. Hell, they got 57 photos of me, Grace, Spike and his wife Mary, just from Woodstock alone.

Note: They didn’t question any of our duplicates on that Earth because the oldest of us, me, was only 18 and did not look anything like I do now.

By the time a year had passed, the world was pretty much freaking the fuck out, so we all figured we needed to go change their history, which is entirely possible, because it was not ours anymore.

With the Fabulous Four in human bodies, we popped the bus back to just about a minute before we first appeared. This time, however, the bus looked like a common delivery van and appeared in an alley where there were no witnesses. We all left the bus, took up strategic positions and waited.

A few seconds later, the bus appeared, everything happened as it had, but as soon as the bus was gone, there was a big puff of smoke and there we all were, me dressed as before and Grace & the dogs holding mirrors and flashing lights.

“Thank you, ladies & gents! That bit of magical trickery was courtesy of the Dr. Mysterio, Illusionist Extraordinaire! I hope you enjoyed it and I hope the Beeb doesn’t sue me!”

There was laughter and the reporter saying a series of rude words and us making our getaway and then us making a real getaway.

Needless to say, my loving wife, had more than a few words for me about how much shit I had stirred up.

That is, until Daisy pointed out to her that she had probably spun off a reality that time  in 2015 when she whipped out a wand and Stupified 5 bank robbers in New York City. At noon. On a Wednesday. Right near at least 4 security cameras.

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