All New Old Time Stuff From The Future

…What?

 

The Doclopedia #694

What’s In A Name?: The Artomic Bomb

This bomb was placed in front of the New York Stock Exchange on June 1, 2015. It was the size of an SUV, looked very complex and was counting down to detonation in less than 2 hours. Everybody panicked and there was chaos as people tried to get out of range of the blast.

If people had A: Read the label right, or, B: Not thought it was a misspelling, lives would have been saved, panic avoided, a worldwide financial disaster averted and everybody would have had a good laugh when the bomb did explode, covering the Financial District with splots of paint from 175,000 paintballs in 64 colors.

Solid Steel Galactic Avengers!

…every Saturday on this station, kids!

 

The Doclopedia #692

What’s In A Name?: Poison Cola

It turns out that the name of this product was 100% accurate. It was a canned/bottled soda with the words “Poison Cola”, “100% Deadly”, “Do Not Drink This!” and many other warnings prominently displayed on the container. The ingredients list even had “Arsenic” as the main ingredient!

Putting this deadly poisonous beverage in stores all over the United States & Canada was the idea of Doctor Madness, the famous supervillain. He wanted to see how stupid people were, even when they had multiple warnings.

300,742 people died. Many others were pissed off that they could not get Poison Cola after seeing the advertisements for it.

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The Doclopedia #693

What’s In A Name?: The Great Dragon Paul

When you think of dragons…huge, fire breathing dragons…you think of names like Smaug or Vermithrax or Tiamat. You don’t think of the name “Paul” because it’s, well, not very “dragony”. More, “suburban humany”, when you think about it. Still, it was his mother’s favorite name, as she was a big Beatles fan, so he kept it.

While his name was not very intimidating, Paul himself was. Measuring 198 feet from nose to tail tip and with a 240 foot wingspan, he never failed to scare the hell out of all of the chuckling adventurers who thought it would be easy to slay a dragon named Paul. Then he’d eat them.

Squid On The Run

…what does a squid run from?

The Doclopedia #688

What’s In A Name?: Cockroach-Man

Cockroach-Man was the unfortunate name choice of a quite powerful superhero who was nigh impossible to kill, could eat anything, was fast as hell and generally creeped everybody out. When a worldwide nuclear war wiped out the rest of humanity, he survived. Later, he found an untouched warehouse full of liquor and drank himself to death.

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The Doclopedia #689

What’s In A Name?: Captain Heroic

First off, the son of Vern and Judy Heroic really was named “Captain” by his parents. His full name was Captain Harry Heroic and he hated it. He never served in the military, was short in stature and on the slender side. He also wasn’t very brave or macho. When he went off to college to study history, he changed his name to Harry Franklin.

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The Doclopedia #690

What’s In A Name?: The Phantom Burp

Have you ever been about to say something and then burped instead? Well that is what happened the very first night that the evil criminal alter ego of Professor Renard Bertran made his appearance robbing the Montreal Diamond Exchange. He had the scary costume and he had the deep, commanding voice. He had gadgets and henchmen. He had a daring escape all planned out. What he shouldn’t have had was a second helping of poutine before going out. The police who had him surrounded asked him his name and he replied “I am the Phantom…”BURRRP!”. In retrospect, it could have turned out worse. He could have farted.
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The Doclopedia #691

What’s In A Name?: The International Terrorist Syndicate

You’d think that when the worlds most dangerous terrorist organizations got together under one banner, somebody would have taken a look at the acronym, wouldn’t you? Never happened. It wasn’t until they announced themselves to the world and dropped a bundle on stationary, websites, propaganda leaflets, uniforms and decals on vehicles that somebody noticed it was T.I.T.S. Television newspeople couldn’t stop giggling. Print reporters made jokes and comedians worldwide struck comedy gold. Membership in the organization plummeted and eventually they just went into hiding.